[vegemamato]

I feel so horrible for my daughter right now, and I know that I didn't handle the situation well.. so I thought I'd write it out and get some opinions (maybe I did do ok?).

so, this little boy (6, about the same size as my dd8) came over on Thursday and we watched him until last night. This kid is tough- I have written about him before. His mom abandoned him last August (after letting her husband abuse the poor boy for a year) and he has a lot of control/aggression issues. We have typically done well with him- if we discuss how we are going to behave throughout the day- but last night everything seemed to go to h*ll!

things were great, we ate an awesome dinner, had desert, started a movie on the laptop and waited for 'dad' to show (he is very flakey- was supposed to be working but instead was hanging out with friends). so, dad walks in, his kid starts acting up, we head into the kitchen (dad and I) so I can update him on what we've been doing, and it happens..

I heard screams from the living room, I run down in full-blown panic mode, and see the boy squeezing and hitting my daughter (8). He was trying to take her balloon (I bought 2 for everyone) and she was screaming in pain, hysterical and crying. He wouldn't get off.. I had to physically remove him while the dad just stood there saying 'dude, give her back the balloon."

:

so, I was obviously upset, as was my poor girl, and I really didn't even think to say goodbye or anything. I just wanted to hold my baby and make her better. I feel bad looking back though because I probably should have said something to the son/dad but I was in shock. I really didn't know how to respond and I had all of this adrenaline going through me.

after they left everything calmed down, we had a wonderful night and my daughter feels fine. She did ask when P can come over again, I said probably not at all. I explained that I can not have someone over to our home who is going to hurt my children. she got that.. she wanted to know if we could play at the park with him sometime, I said maybe.

so, how would you have handled this? How should someone respond in these situations? Should I call my friend and explain to her what happened and why I can't babysit anymore? tia!

(also, the son told me that his dad spanks him, a lot. I brought it up, the dad says sometimes.

:

:

: I'm assuming that this has a bit to do with he kid's attitude

dad's a huge UAV in my opinion- for this and many other things..)

 

[purslaine]

It really sounds like you did fine.

I would let her play with him at the park - but only if I ran into him there.

Kathy

 

[Green Eyes]

I think you handled it well, too. I probably would have said things to the dad that I'd regret later. I hope the dad has not been taking advantage of you by leaving his kid with you a lot, especially over night.

You know you don't have any obligation to this boy, and you certainly don't want to put your own child in any kind of danger. I would feel the same as you and not want him in my home anymore. That said, a part of my heart goes out to the boy. I was neglected and abused when I was a child, and the visits I had to "normal" families were something I held close for comfort. I used to pretend that the mom of my best friend was my mom, too, I liked her so much, I used to pray that they would adopt me. I guess what I'm saying that it is so important for the boy to get some kindness from other adults in his life, it could make a HUGE difference in his future. He will be in even more trouble with his father if you won't welcome him back because of that incident. I would personally invite him back for a short, extremely supervised, two-hour play date, especially since your daughter still wants to play with him.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for your family.