[Dragonfly]

... and I just need to gripe about it for a second to the people who are most likely to understand.

I don't know how I convinced myself that I could handle parenting a toddler, going to law school, working part-time as a research assistant, being a student government delegate, and being involved in various student organizations all at the same time. It now occurs to me that I have thoroughly overestimated myself.

Add to this that my marriage has fallen apart (not because of the above) which means that my husband has decided that he has no responsibility to be supportive of any of the above endeavors, even though it indirectly makes life much better for our son. Of course, he does still have the privilege of living in the same house with me and utilizing me as a maid service -- which is yet another gripe. He's been "looking" for housing for months now and has yet to find anything. Likely because what he's really been doing has been waiting for the right place to just magically appear (which it doesn't because no one who is advertising for roommates wants a kid aorund) rather than being proactive and trying to round up roommates and find his own place.

Okay... done. Off to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks and try to comprehend some of the piles of reading I need to do. I promise that tomorrow I'll be off the "poor me" kick. Just indulging for the evening...

 

[pahkahsmom]

my eyelids are propped open with toothpicks, as i write this in between reading chapters for school and finishing a work assignment. i hear you loud and clear...apparently, i too over (or maybe under) estimated my ability to rationally, sanely and effectively manage a (often more than) full time job, a masters program, my darling and wonderful daughter, and my darling and wonderful partner (who, should have rightfully so, given up on me months ago). what is it that allows us to think that we can (and should) be able to do it all? am i insane?!!? in my spare time(read: when i get two minutes on the toilet) i started reading the new book I Don't Know How She Does It. You have no idea how many people have said that to me in the last 5 months. (okay, don't guess- it's only EVERYONE!) what i want to know is HOW DO WE DO IT?!

 

[aussiemum]

Yep, I hear you! You know, it's okay to let go of a few things ie: student gov't and various volunter things. This year, I've said no to quite a few things, and I've backed out of being involved with two other orgs. Right now, I'm just trying to get a bit of research finished off, mountains of reading to do, a confirmation seminar to present, about 4000 (not really, more like 50) plants to id without the benefit of a proper flora cuz it doesn't exist for my part of the world, a grant proposal to write, a lit review to write, another grant report due to a gov't that hasn't even sent me any grant money yet (!!!!), um and probably a few million other things going on. I folded laundry last nite after 11 hours field work out in the tropical sun, my house is a pit, I cant even remember the last time my partner and I had a good snog, and I have about 6 months worth of old food under the kitchen table. Well, maybe only two weeks, but with a 3yo and 5yo, it doesn't really matter does it? This morning I woke to a sneezing kid with s**t dripping out of his nappy, got that cleaned up only to discover the dead lizard on the living room floor (gee thanks Bob- the cat) that I forgot to pick up last nite. The ants had already found it, and completely covered it. I should have left it there, a few more weeks and we could have had a cool skeleton for the kids to look at. Must go, only 1 1/2 hours left here at work, and I've got 131 pots of seedlings to count and water.

Thank you for starting this thread, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

BTW, I didn't even check the rest of the house for dripping s**t this morning, I'm hoping the ants will have found it for me. Now THAT'S disgusting!!!

 

[kofduke]

I'm so sorry to hear you're so overwhelmed. Law school is the worst. I know that you've been doing recruiting, and honestly, once that is over it is so much better. My only advice would be to try and figure out what activities you've really committed to and are obligated to see out, and kind of let the other ones slide. Since I went right through school (BA to MSW to law school) I was so burnt out by the time I was a 2-L I was doing very little. I have no advice about your situation with your DH, I only hope that things work out for you.

 

[mammastar]

That sounds really tough!! Can you streamline and drop some of the student govt and volunteer stuff? I went through law school with kids (2 stepdaughters plus having a baby in 2nd year), and I ended up doing very little outside of academics and parenting. I had some stuff along those lines for my c.v. from 1st year (pre-baby), and I just coasted on those for interviews, and didn't really feel obliged to keep adding to the roster. I think firms were impressed enough that I'd gone straight through school with kids and kept my grades up.

So sorry about things with your husband -- am I right that you two are separated but he's still living with you and getting the benefit of all your housekeeping?? That is so not, not, not cool! I'm sure you want to be fair to him, and that you want him to have appropriate living arrangements to facilitate his continued parenting responsibilities, but I really suggest you draw a line in the sand. Give him a deadline to leave (I'm assuming you're staying put and you've agreed the children will live primarily in the home they're familiar with?), and assure him that you're open to his continuing to father the kids no matter his living arrangements during this transitional time -- but that it's time to transition already! It must make everything so much harder for you to feel constantly undermined by his lack of support. Have you two started thinking out arrangements around the children yet?

Good luck!!

 

[sm3247]

I'm so sorry - I went through law school childless and single so I don't know how to give advice, but I do know that it gets easier. You'll get into the swing of things and not have to study so much.

It seems like you might really be over-extending yourself though. You might feel like you need to be "involved" but in the long run it's better to avoid the nervous breakdown than to have a long list of activities. If you're working as a research assistant your boss will probably be a good reference and that is the best way to work on your job. Just cut back on anything extraneous and realize that your menta health and your child's well-being are the most important thing.

As far as the husband part - can you give him a deadline? It doesn't seem right that he's insisting that he WILL move out but isn't doing it, and it certainly doesn't seem right that he isn't doing his share of the housework or child care.

Good luck.

 

[Hannah's Mom]

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Anyone would feel overwhelmed in that situation. I agree with the others who suggested streamlining your extracurricular activities. After having gone through law school, I can attest that most (if not all) prospective employers were much more impressed with job experience and cared very little about the extracurricular stuff. I also overextended myself back then and I had no kids, so I can't imagine how you're getting through it.

 

[sm3247]

I had no idea there were so many lawyer-types here.

Even if we can't help you, at least you have some sympathy right? I spent the better part of this summer studying for the bar (in a new state), working full time and interviewing for a new job. Things get crazy temporarily, but just remember that it's only temporary as long as you make it that way. Sometimes when you have a "type A" personality as many lawyers do, you can take on way more that you should. Just take a step back and start to prioritize.

Hope things look up soon.

Shannon

 

[Dragonfly]

Thanks everyone... for understanding, sympathizing, commiserating....

You all are right, about needing to let some things go. The biggest issue is the summer job search, which seems to be sucking up so much time that there's hardly any left for anything else (including classes!). I think I'm letting that go, at least for the semester. It's not my "drop-dead" summer for finding a permanent job (I have two left before I graduate) and, if worse comes to worst, I'll just do another research position next summer. Makes for a good recommendation, anyway. And I'm cutting back on some of the activities and going to turn down a few opportunities that are presenting themselves.

The husband thing.... I'm not quite sure how to handle that. I think, quite honestly, that he's afraid to transition, afraid that there will be too much distance between him and ds. I can totally understand that. I also don't want to force the issue too much because things have been going so well with re-establishing a friendship and nurturing a good co-parenting relationship. He is the type that takes everything entirely too personally... overreaction is an understatement. So, I feel a bit like I'm walking on eggshells on this one, not wanting to rock the boat for fear that things will suddenly become ugly again.

Ugh.

I know this will all work out. Obviously... I mean, you all are still alive, right? :LOL

Have to go get some rest, I think. On top of it all, I just got hit with the mother of all colds. Ah well. No place left to go but up, right?

 

[carmen veranda]

You rock. Really. Give yourself a huge hug and pat on the back. You are am amzing mom and an amazing woman and an amazing person.
I hope that you can go forward in your life knowing in your heart of hearts that you are incredible and at least a few people out here know how hard you are working and are applauding your incredible acheivements. So there. Way to go!!!