[mama2toomany]

I feel guilty. I am now on strict bedrest with the twins.<br><br>
I have to get a nanny, I cannot continue to let dh do everything, he is not complaining but I know he is so run down, I can see him wilting <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He is staying home right now and only doing work he can do in the workshop, He actually made a spare room into a play room downstairs because it is right next to the workshop so my dd can play there and he can keep an eye on her with nanny cam while he is working.<br><br>
Its come to the fact that he cannot keep up with $$ by not going out to work (He is a contractor/furniture maker). Especially now that we have signed her up for Adventure Club ( a summer "kindergarten") for my dd.. its going to cost about $1,000.00 for a 10 week program, I know thats not that expensive compaired to a lot of places.<br><br>
I am feeling guilty that we have put her in this program, because I have been with her every single day all day for 5 years (except literally 3 days) with my last twin pregnancy. I am always with her, I am very over protective of her. I know I must let go a little, she will thrive at this program and make friends and learn. She will get the stimulation she needs, right now I am not any use to her other than hugs and love, and I treasure every second she is next to me. I am just feeling guilty and scared for her.<br><br>
The nanny thing scares the heck out of me. I have had 2 horrible traumatizing experiences with babysitters in the past.<br><br>
1st one was a daughter of a friend of mine, I thought she was very responsible and loved my son (13 now, an infant at the time of the incident). She left my son in a stroller on the side of the road to make out with her bf in the woods, she was 17 years old and thankfully a police officer stopped and helped my baby. I was young and stupid at the time and I should have made her stay at my house, heck I should have not let her watch my son at all. I very much blame myself that this happened. I should have been a more protective mother, and I think from that, I am a way too over protective mother.<br><br>
2nd was not with my kids but with my brothers, I had someone "watch" my disabled brother and younger brother while I went out of town with my dh and kids and some very odd things happened, My brother was severely traumatized by inappropriate touching he witnessed but was not involved in. Even though nothing happened to him technically, I totally see the event as him being mentally abused by what he witnessed. I blame myself for this, because I thought I knew the women, I thought I made a very smart choice for them, that they would be safe.<br><br>
I swore I would never leave my kids or brothers alone with a stranger ever again.<br><br>
Now it seems like I have no choice. I can't get out of bed, I can't do anything with her that doesn't involve laying down and cuddling.<br><br>
I will be here with the nanny, but it doesn't make me feel any better, I am scared. I am also jealous of whoever we decide to hire, I am jealous they get to play with my dd everyday and spend time with her, while I just sit here.<br><br>
Any words of comfort?

 

[Subhuti]

Can you get a sitter that has strong recommendations from people you know well?<br><br>
Or have a family member move in for the length of the bedrest?<br><br>
You'll be there -- so the nanny will be watched quite closely...<br><br><br>
I would encourage you not to fear ever letting someone else watch a child of yours ...

 

[mama2toomany]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Subhuti</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15438052"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Can you get a sitter that has strong recommendations from people you know well?<br><br>
Or have a family member move in for the length of the bedrest?<br><br>
You'll be there -- so the nanny will be watched quite closely...<br><br><br>
I would encourage you not to fear ever letting someone else watch a child of yours ...</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
All of my family is in WI, my dh only has MIL who lives in IL, and honestly I would almost prefer a stranger to that women lol.<br><br>
I am going to do a backround check and check references.. Still hard for me to except though.

 

[sarahr]

It is very hard to turn caregiving for your child over to someone else. I hope it makes you feel better that you'll be there, so you'll be able to see for yourself how the nanny interacts with your child.<br><br>
And, it might help you to know that statistically, a child is much, much more likely to be abused by a family member than a paid caregiver.<br><br>
Trust your instincts -- if you don't like a particular person find another, but there are good nannies out there!

 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Does your dd have any friends with SAHPs? Then it could be like a "playdate." Or a SAHP with a littler kid who might need to make some money? I often feel more comfortable with folks who are also parents because I feel like they "get" it.

 

[mamalisa]

I think it's different this time, because you will be home. I think that's a huge safety net.<br><br>
Bedrest is such a guilt inducing thing. I felt horrible when I couldn't get out of bed, ds was 4 and he spent most of the spring in the house, or going on short walks with my dad. It hurt my heart.