[jadegirl553]

Why can't he get it together? He gets it together when it's something that he wants or enjoys, but if it's something for me, or us as a family or couple, it just doesn't happen.

We are behind on bills. I ask him and ask him if he wants help in paying them, in remembering them, but no, he can do it! Yeah right. The kicker is that I sacrificed something of mine, a bond, to help us catch up a couple of months ago. I feel like he doesn't even care. Then he also throws it in my face that I'm even mentioning the bond.

Our aniversiary is comming up next week. All I hear is, "Well, what do you want to do?" For his birthday, I planned everything, stuff that we'd have fun doing together; for my birthday, we did something he wanted to do, and he didn't even get me a card! I REFUSE to plan something for our aniversiary. If he doesn't care enough to plan anything, well then I guess that's his problem.

And then I feel like a horrible person for complaining, because he does work hard, and he's in school. He's also VERY laid back, and takes my moodswings in stride- most of the time. But I try to encourage him, and I get nothing in return. I hate complaining, but I'm just reaching my limits.

I don't think that this post made much sense, but it felt marvelous to vent!

 

[buddhasmomma]

Well, I'm only commenting on the anniversary part, and I guess it can apply to it all.

First...sometimes you just gotta vent!

And, he's male, not female....we women plan everything for birthdays, special events, etc. Men usually don't. The ones who do are not the rule they are the exception. Find some of the great things he does and remind yourself of them when he doesn't plan the special things. And drop tons of hints. You never know if he'll pick up on them. Actually don't hint, be really OBVIOUS.

 

[Thmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddhasmomma Well, I'm only commenting on the anniversary part, and I guess it can apply to it all. First...sometimes you just gotta vent! And, he's male, not female....we women plan everything for birthdays, special events, etc. Men usually don't. The ones who do are not the rule they are the exception. Find some of the great things he does and remind yourself of them when he doesn't plan the special things. And drop tons of hints. You never know if he'll pick up on them. Actually don't hint, be really OBVIOUS.

ditto. I send my dh links and flat out tell him that I am not planning anything and I expect him to. Like just the other day I asked him "what are you planning for my 30th, you know it's a big milestone for me" he gave me the deer in the headlights look cause obviously he never thought about it. The good thing is that I know this so I made this comment 6 months in advance so it'll be thought in the back of his head. I'll ask again about once a month until March when I'll start asking every other week or until he starts saying "I'm not telling" that means he's actually planning something. lol

 

[jadegirl553]

Very true, ladies, very true.

I'm not wanting anything elaborate. A simple "Hey, why don't we get your mom to watch the kid and we can go see a movie and get supper out somewhere," would suffice, you know? He's just such a procrastinator on stuff that doesn't involve the computer, his car, or video games.

 

[mamameg]

Maybe the next time he asks "what do you want to do?', you could tell him that you'll arrange for a sitter so that your handsome, loving, wonderful husband can take you out for an evening like he did back in the day. Nothing like a little ego-stroking to motivate a man. :LOL But serisouly, I find if I phrase things like that, it makes it more a fun suggestion, rather than a complaint, and he's more receptive to me.

Good luck.... and happy anniversary!