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I just brought youngest daughter back to college with DH. She is 20 and does not drive. I feel so sad. We were trying to adopt, still are but it's been a mess. We are on the way old to conceive place but trying none the less. I am sad and I don't want to have an empty home. I want my children. Oldest is living very far away, calls every few days but his life is hard and I want to have him here again. Middle has lived away for 2.5 years and treats me as the enemy. She is with abusive boyfriend. Adopted as a young child but acts so much like the family members we and she know.<br><br>
So my baby is gone and I miss her too much already. Miss her inserting her just 20 year old body into my bed in the morning and sleeping with me after DH does to work. Mis her asking me to cook for her. I hate to cook! I am just so sad. Miss my child who died in 1999. Miss my foster daughter we were supposed to be able to adopt.<br><br>
Here is the thing, I worked my freakin arse off from the time the baby was 1.5 at a job that demanded all of me. I was a Social Worker and I provided the bulk of the family'sincome. I quit two years ago Dec. I wish I had never done it. I wish I was home with my kids instead of trying to balance everything. My job was flexible so I was always the primary caregiver but still I juggled everything and no one got enough. None of the kids and certainly not me or DH. I want to be able to be at home wioth a family and they are gone. Baby girl is the only one we can still have near and dear and parent. The one with the abusive boyfriend is now brainwashed eventhough once when she did get away she slept on my bedroom floor on a mattress for 2 months. Poor thing. Now she is cruel to me and is so brainwashed by him and his family.<br><br>
I just want to feel less sad. I am in pain.
 

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I am just looking for comfort, support. How can so many read and not post? I have deleted so many posts because of this and May do this again soon. I don't understand. it feels like popularity in Jr. High school.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I don't have any amazing words of wisdom, but wanted to offer you some hugs. I can't imagine how hard what you are going through right now is for you.
 

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I'm really sorry for you. Big hugs for you momtomany<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I hope that you are able to find a little bit of rest in something that will bring you peace. I'll be thinking of you.
 

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Thinking of you mama, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I have read about your heartache, and I wish I could offer something that would help you through this terrible time.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Tomorrow is another day. Your foster daughter will remember what you did for her. She'll know that you love her. Your children are still young and they will come around.<br><br>
I'm sorry that you feel so sad.<br>
Lisa
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I get that a lot too..lots of people read and don't respond. Please don't take it personally (hard not to, I know).<br><br>
I'm so sorry for your empty arms right now.
 
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