Mothering Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,048 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OMG! I can't believe how self centered I seem to be! I just found out yesterday that my most beloved dh's cousin is also pg. That isn't a big deal, in fact I am actually very happy for her. But she is due around the same time that I am. Here is where the selfish part comes in.

First, the whole family has been waiting for her to have a pg that would stick. Everyone would have been perfectly happy if dh and I never had another child at all. {Can we see where I am going with this?} The fact that the cousin lives in Milwaukee and we live an hour away will allow for them dote on her and her little boy, and basically ignore dh and I and our little girl. Not dh's parents, they will be exstatic to be able to dote on our new baby. That is the other thing. Even though I have a son, she is having the first biological great-grandson. My son is accepted as family by everyone except dh's grandparents.

The last thing that is driving me around this self centered track is how dumb it is that I feel like I am being cheated. Do to various curcumstances, I have never had a baby shower. Not that I want or need the THINGS. I just have always wanted the gathering that was centered around my baby. It would just be kind of the icing on the cake to have a day where I was doted on and we talked about MY baby. I very much want to go to the baby shower they will surely put on for dh's cousin, but how akward would that be? Two chicks fairly equally pg, but the shower is only for the 1st time mom? I can imagine that I won't feel comfy there and will basically just go and drop off some of my boy clothing, and some diaper rash cream. She is very mainstream, so I am sure that would make me uncomfy too. *sigh*

I just needed to get that off my chest to other Mom's who are trying to be rational while dealing with preggo hormones.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,874 Posts
Yuck, how unfair for your son not to be accepted by dh's grand parents.

On the shower note. I doubt I'll be having one, which figures. No mention of it as of yet, and I don't think anyone would try to do a suprise shower for me, they don't know my schedual well enough (with MW appt's and birth network meetings...although if they asked, it wouldn't be that difficult! lol) And it sucks, I didn't get one for ds, and I won't get one for dd either. We can just come here and have our own pity party for no baby showers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,048 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I suppose that it is just as well that I probably won't be getting a baby shower. With that whole side of the family being so mainstream, I would probably feel uncomfy if they did try to throw one for me. That isn't what my mind says on first glance though. I agree that we should throw our own pity party for no showers. Anyone is welcome to join! :LOL
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,874 Posts
My family is also so main stream it would probably be a 'ok' shower as well. Although, if they got dh involved, he'd think to invite my doula friends, so it wouldn't be all bad. Plus, I did register at Babies R Us, just incase, and put on there "no bottles or pacifiers please" and only registered for things I truly wanted. Mostly things I didn't have with ds, including a new boppy, a better BM storage system for freezing, and then stuff like a bouncy and a excersaucer for later. A few other toys and then a bunch of clothing 'nessaties' since we're switching sexes here I put a lot on there!

Then again, when I was pg with ds, I told my mom several times I was going to BF, and yet she sent me bottles and pacifiers, even after telling her I wasn't going to use either until he was 4 weeks old at least. *sigh* ya live and ya learn.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,602 Posts
My MIL threw a baby shower for me last preg and it was so horrible! She invited all HER friends. So it was a bunch of old ladies that I don't even know.

I was so uncomfotable. Of course being so mainstream she didn't invite my dh, and so I had to sit there for a few hours by myself, at this shower where I knew no one, and had to thank people for giving us gifts. Most of which were useless.

I hope to god I don't get another baby shower.

She was just trying to be nice and that made me feel worse for hating it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,715 Posts
My family only does baby showers for the first baby. I never really understood that, since I think it would be wonderful to celebrate each baby! It's not about the gifts...I'd love a shower where people brought frozen meals...or each brought a bead for a nursing necklace for the baby ... or whatever - it's about celebrating the new life growing inside me!!!

What's driving me crazy this time around is the fact that my family knows we're struggling financially right now...they know I gave away most of our baby stuff after dd was born (we thought she was our last!) ... they know we need to buy a minivan, pay the midwives, etc. - and my Mom keeps offering things like paying for a diaper service (there's not one in our area and I'd rather wash my own diapers thank you) or something else pretty costly and doesn't offer to buy the things we NEED (diaper covers, a chest freezer, birth supplies, a donation to the vehicle fund, etc.). Oh, well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,713 Posts
Sorry you have that sort of situation. What's up with not celebrating 2nd, 3rd, etc... babies? They are just as special. We have the same thing in our family. My hubby's cousin is due 1 week before I am and she is having this big shower and everyone is excited and talking about her this and that. It is hard not to feel left out. And like you said, it isn't about the gifts, it is more the lack of celebration and support. There is a feeling of "oh, another one."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
316 Posts
I had a shower with #1, some rude person bought me bottles although she knew i was breastfeeding exclusively, how rude to decide what brand and type to buy even if i was going to use them. A couple of pregnant women (co-workers of dh) were taking bets on how long I would hold out b4 begging for a transfer to the hospital for an epi, they lost , I had my unmedicated birth at the birthing center. Overall the shower was very nice and I did get some very useful items from those who stuck to my registries. I did not have one for #2, had everything I needed.

For #3, I'm throwing a shower for me! Admission is one cloth diaper from my registry. I'm only inviting my crunchie friends (have many now). It's really about just having a big pool party with my friends and their kids (my 1st was adults only). I'll probably make it a potluck so I don't have to cook. The last one was a stuffy brunch for which I cooked everything and it took days!

So ladies throw yourself a shower, nothing wrong with that! And that way you are in control of who is invited and make sure they know what your really 'need' and 'want'.

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,466 Posts
I don't think you're self-centered, Goldie! I would feel the same way in your position and I'm sorry that you have to deal with these things. It is definitely important to feel like other people are celebrating your new baby.

No shower for me this time either. I know my mom will go overboard, but I would like to feel that other people are welcoming this new baby, too. I'd like to take cuqui's advice, but don't really have many friends and only one that is on this side of the country (I'm going to her baby shower, though-first child due in August).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
813 Posts
I can relate! My older sister has ALWAYS gotten pregnant right after me. Can't I just be pregnant alone?! I'm always due 4-6wks ahead of her, and since she lives closer to everyone, they always dote on her. When I have my baby, I get my three minutes of glory and then it's all about when she's going to have hers. Forget my newborn, why don't ya?!

I do feel a bit wicked to smile knowing I have the only grandsons.
I'm due in September and she's due in November...with girl #4.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,319 Posts
No one's throwing me a baby shower, and this *is* my first.


That's what I get for having a baby far, far away from all my family. And none of my friends are married, much less have kids, so I guess it doesn't occur to them...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,048 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks for helping me to feel better. It is good to know that I am not the only one who feels sort of cheated out of things. I think the idea of throwing ones own baby shower has merit. Not a party persay, just a get together with a few friends for lunch or something. I am sure I will be able to come up with something.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top