I am so upset....the atleast my child isn't like yours....

774 Views 11 Replies 9 Participants Last post by GranoLLLy-girl, Apr 12, 2006

Shiloh

Discussion Starter · Apr 11, 2006

My husband's friend's wife today out of the blue while talking about nothing related (chicken pox)...went on and on and told me how glad she was that her child didn't have special needs like mine. I was so stunned, so hurt. I am an open book I will happily talk about my kids, things that have happened to them....

I quoted shakespear's younger less eloquant brother and told her to F.U.

You'd think there are places in life people just don't go, things you'd think people wouldn't try to slap you in the face with...
That they might understand that emmotionally its hard to be a mom to a special needs kid, but that doesn't make them trash or less than.
"Comparing" your child to mine, hey likely you are going to win.

But my kid's still great and its people like that that make the world harder for her....sigh. She's tried to appologize but really once you cross that line?
I wrote her this:

Quote:

I understand you may feel sorry now but the fact it really didn't occur to you that it wasn't something to be so glib or 'curt' about.
That you casually brought up my child who has special needs while comparing
that to your child when that wasn't part of the conversation, without thinking about what I might feel about it....
I think that says a lot about you, how you see me and what I could expect
from any further conversation.

I am still so hurt though.

AB

Not that this is a good friendship she's dumb as toast, her husbands been out of work almost forever and we've always had them over for dinner, given them things to help out.....but you know it just makes you think of replying in kind....oh was your husband being naked with his ex last christmas not part of the conversation we are having now? meow I know but grrr....

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lunamegn

· #2 · Apr 11, 2006

What a b*tch. I'm glad you spoke your mind to her. How ignorant.

A friend of mine's girlfriend recently had a baby and while she was pregnant she made a comment to me about how they had made sure during the ultrasound that he baby didn't have kidney problems like mine did and they were glad it didn't. I know people are thinking to themselves all the time how lucky or thankful they are that their babies are fine, but that's just something to keep to yourself. I know she didn't mean to make it sound like it did, but it still hurt me all the same. I still wish to this day that I would have said something back to her to at least make her be more aware of saying things that might hurt people like that.

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AEZMama

· #3 · Apr 12, 2006

Hugs to you, mama. I'm so sorry that this person felt the need to make that comment to you. It's amazing what people consider appropriate to say to one another sometimes. I get a lot of comments on how small ds is, but when I say that he's remarkable for a child who has gone through as much as he has in one year (and proceed to let them know) they back off.

If someone is ever that insensitive again, maybe you can come back with, "I'm sure you didn't mean to say something that insensitive out loud just now." Or something along those lines.

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Shiloh

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 12, 2006

People just suck.
She's tried to explain herself by saying oh she thought her problems were in the past....um? yeah there are so many cures for everything....
oh well I am just too poor to buy this chick a clue.

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2Sweeties1Angel

· #5 · Apr 12, 2006

You know, that sounds like something I might think but that would never escape my mouth. It's just far too rude and hurtful to say out loud.

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Jilian

· #6 · Apr 12, 2006

Wow

Is nothing sacred?! I would be really hurt too. That is just mean. I'm sorry mama

I'd be tempted to say something like "I'm just so happy my child is not a

like you"

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Noodlesmom4

· #7 · Apr 12, 2006

Ouch!

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Shiloh

Discussion Starter · #8 · Apr 12, 2006

I know we all think great my kids got more hair than his....but it blows my mind still.. sure people do compare kids, and knowing your kid is 'better' can make you feel better.....as in I know my kid has better manners than this B...

I've had people in the family even tell me I was a bad mother and that was what was causing my dd behavior, but crap that was atleast part of the conversation at the time....but it does just blow the mind....

and I don't buy the in the past thing either from her (as in recent history there's been hospitalisations, dd even is now living at her fathers down the street since a year ago because I couldn't deal with two small babies and her and he and his partner have the time, energy and resources....) her dh also knows the entire history of her conditions (she's been sucidal, er visits, went to school at a psych. hospital for grade one, cps, bipolar, self mutilator from the age of about 9 months...and suffered s/abuse issues.... I dunno its so heartbreaking really, this is like the last kid you should hold up to make yourself feel better about yours, my dd has had to bear more in her small lifetime that was so uncalled for.....

If she had half the courage my dd does.

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mamaverdi

· #9 · Apr 12, 2006

What a sick woman. Who would compare a hurt child, and such a hurt child, to their own child? And who would wish that on anyone else? I can't understand thinking it or saying it.

We've had people say things to us too. Oh, our baby is fine....Oh, our child wouldn't hide under a table after a little testing....Oh...blah blah blah.

All I think is, but your kid is ugly. And so are you. In all senses of the word.

It really takes a good person to be friends with someone with a special needs child. Good enough to know when they've made a mistake by saying something. Good enough to know when to back off. Good enough to know you need a helluvalot more support than you're getting. And good enough to keep their mouths shut more often than open.

That we all could have your gift for saying exactly the right thing Alison.

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Shiloh

Discussion Starter · #10 · Apr 12, 2006

aw thanks!

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sapphire_chan

· #11 · Apr 12, 2006

Personally, I'm more sorry for her kids than yours, yours at least have a kind and considerate mother raising them. Theirs.... not so much. Even with special needs, because your kids have you, they will have happy lives.

Sorry you had to deal with an awful person who was pretending to be your friend.

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GranoLLLy-girl

· #12 · Apr 12, 2006

Run far far away--and avoid negative people like that at all costs.
It will also save your CHILD from a lot of pain--because people like that (I have no doubts) cannot hide their true feelings when around the child(ren) that they look down upon.

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