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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ds1 is in kindergarten, and we have always felt that he was a little bit different from other kids his age. He is very spacey and has a really hard time focusing. This year he qualified to special ed. He actually has a special ed teacher with him during language arts and math to help him focus. With this help he is about average in the class, which is great!

So today we go to his Kindergarten sing off. We have been practicing the songs with him at home, and he seems to know the words then. But today, on stage with about 45 other kindergarteners, he didn't sing a word. He did some of the movements that go with the songs, but that was it. He looked really out there and not even paying attention. He said he had a good time, and told me that he sang all the words, even thought he was looking around allthe time and not moving his lips.

It is just that I have been trying to convince my self for so long that he is not really all that different from the other kids his age, but he is. And I am so scared about what this will do to him socially and academically. He is the sweetest most good natured kid I know, so I am afraid that he will lose this as he gets older and starts to notice he is different. I am afraid he will get frustrated and angry that he may not be able to keep up as school picks up pace, and I am afraid that he will see and feel my fear also. I just am at a loss as to what to do. I love him so much and am so sad that he may be facing a life long struggle.
 

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I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. Reading it made my heart drop into my stomach. We just had the same experience with our preschool aged son. At home he knows every word and bit of choreography, but he sat at the "concert" with his mouth gaped open and staring off to the side like he was not even aware of what was going on. It is an awful feeling.
I wish I had good advice. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
Take good care of yourself.
 

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I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better
 

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Darling, one day at a time! I can feel how much pain you are in right now and wish I could take it from you but do remember... all you can do is love them and love them and love them some more. What happened was he didn't sing. Come on, that doesn't really "mean" anything, right? He will have some struggles, he will have some successes. He is here to live his life and that is a great mystery, just like everyone's life. If you are going to try to predict the future, try for a more hopefull one. I raised a kid who had everything that could go wrong, go wrong. And his struggles were horrible for both of us. But today he is amazing. Don't know if there was any other path to where we are today. And I doubt either one of us really cares if he sang in kindergarten or not. Hang in there- parenting is a marathon not a sprint.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all so much for your support and kind words. I try so hard to stay positive, but sometimes I just get weak I guess. He is such a wonderful kid, and so trusting and loving. I guess I have the same fears for him I have for my other boys. The loss of innocence and fear free living, but I guess the more I fear, the shorter his fear free living will be. MsMoMpls- It is just a kindergarten sing along, isn't it? Thank you for the perspective. Sometimes I do just go hurdling to the extremes, and I knew he was having an off day. It is hard too, because I feel bad that he has missed some of his supplements for a few days because we couldn't afford to get them. We are working with dietary changes and supplements with our physician, and not going the road of medication, but unfortunately insurance doesn't cover these. We do see a big difference in him when he is getting everything he needs.

I know I have to take a deep breath and find a peaceful place inside myself, so I can help him to find one too. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with the things life seems to throw at us, but I know I will be stronger for it, and so will my son. I just want to protect him from everything, but I guess I should have learned my lesson from Finding Nemo!
 

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I'm sorry you had such a hard time with the performance.
It sounds like he's getting lots of support in his school and that's great! Has he ever been formally evaluated? The schools can bring in experts to do that if you want. Sometimes it helps to know what you are working with.

If it makes you feel any better, I was in several school performances and I froze on stage. I also went through the motions and didn't sing, but I had a good time being part of the performance in my own way. Even for the puppet show, where I was behind the curtain, I still felt too shy to do my puppet part and the teacher had to narrate while I moved my puppet. Some kids are social butterflies and some, like me, are/were not.

I know you say he has some issues, but maybe this one thing that you are so concerned about in this post, maybe this one thing was a perfectly normal thing for some kids to do.
 

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If your son is kind and loving and you are getting him the services he needs, then relax. He will be fine. It is clear to me that you love him deeply and want to support him and that is what he will need more than anything, the constant reminder that he is fabulous just the way he is and that you will be there for him no matter what.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
USAmma-
He was evavluated at school in the begining of the year. It took about 2 months for all the testing they did. That is when he qualified for special education. The psycholigist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, special ed. case worker, and speach therapist all went through a series of formal and informal tests. He has also seen an audiologist, to see if there were any hearing issues, which there didn't seem to be, but they want to retest him for some type of audio processing problems when he is seven. He just turned 6 in April. Our family doctor has diagnased him as ADHD basically to get some insurance coverage, but doesn't really like to diagnose something like that so young. Basically the dr. says he's on the spectrum. He will be attending a extended school year program 1 hr a day for 3 days a week, which is pretty cool. It will be one on one which he seems to do better, because there are less distractions.

It is so strange too, about the singing and dancing, because he is a really social kid, but I think that the whole stage thing and being surrounded by everyone else just took all the focus he had. He says he had a great time, so I guess that is what is important!

mahdokht-
Your right! He is fabulous. He is just so himself, and I do love him. Just a quick silly story! Last night, we had a barbq, and he asked me what was for dinner and I told him barbq chicken. Well, he was so excited, jumped up and down and said, "Oh I love chicken" Not 1 minute later he asked my dh, "Hey, dad, what's for dinner?" Dh replied, "Collin, didn't mommy tell you we were having bbq chicken!" To which he replied, "Oh chicken, yeah, my favorite!" He just cracks me up and loves life so much!
 

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I'm new to this board, but I'd be willing to bet that you'd be hard pressed to find a parent here who didn't at one time feel denial, depression, anxiety, anger, or just totally out of sorts. This is all so incredibly hard to take, for all of us.

Right now, I'm really into doing every natural thing I can think of to safely detox my son and create a new diet that we'll be able to stick with, and that won't get out of whack when he's not with us 24-7. Just as I thought-there is so much in nature to cleanse and heal. Look into everything-food additives and colorings, amount and type of sugars used, proteins that he may have a sensitivity to. So much in their little bodies can be thrown out of whack with something as simple as a big cup of juice. Or red dye, or blue dye, or cow's milk, or........so many seemingly innocent things. I'll be documenting here what I do and my findings. I also have a DAN doctor so anything I do will be under his supervision.

Now, diet aside, you are already doing so much for him. Just always giving love and hugs does so much.

And yes, this is all so overwhelming. Some days I just run up to our attic and sit and cry. It is nice to be able to come here and read that I'm not alone. It is sad that I come here and find that I'm not alone. I still have a LOT of anger to sort thru. That isn't positive stuff, and I need to be on my A game for my son, not some blubbering angry mess, kwim? I'm not out to "fix" my son, I'm just out to give him the best quality of life that I can. That's all any parent is trying to do. It is just a more difficult process for parents of SN kids.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
phishmama-
We had done an elimination diet at the begining of the school year. The biggest triggers do seem to be sugar, which we already knew, and additives. We have somewhat fallen off the wagon over the last few weeks. Lots of bbq hotdogs and hamburgers, lemonade, and baked goods for deserts. I have got to get his system straitened out again. It isn't too hard, because we eat well regularly, low sugar and pretty much no additives, but I would like to be able to buy more organic as well. Unfortunately, a lot of the times we simply can't afford the organic produce
! I am trying to grow a lot of my own this summer to help cut down on the cost.

I get so frustrated that the insurance covers neither our family doc or any of the supplements. It has gotten to be quite expensive, and it makes me angry that they would cover us going to a MD that wasn't trained in alternative medicine, but because our MD actually spend more than 10 minutes with us an appointment, he can no longer accept insurance. But if we wanted to put ds on medication and see a dr. that would spend a few minutes an appointment with us, they would cover it!! UGH! So must frustration. I have to take a deep breath though, and be thatnkful for my wonderful son, having a dr I trust, and so far having a school that seems to be going out of their way to meet his needs.

Deep breathing seems to be my mantra. It is funny, because ds and I often do deep breathing tachniques while doing his homework, so sometimes if he sees me starting to get frustrated with something he comes over and pats my back and says, "deep breaths, mama, deep breaths!" What a sweet boy!
 

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I'm just wondering if you have any support for *you*. One of the things I've found most helpful is having real-life people I can vent to about insurance, setbacks, strategies, etc. I've felt the sadness you are feeling many times, and having people who aren't connected to my son but still understand the issues has helped me through some rocky times. My instinct at these times is to hide away, but that doesn't help me cope as well.

One of the support groups I attend is run by the school district we are in. Another is run by a couple of parents I met when our kids were in preschool. Since you indicated that your son might be on the spectrum, you might go to the Autism Society of America website and look for a local group -- it's not like they make you bring "proof" of the diagnosis to get a little support. The best thing about these groups for me has been making one or two solid connections -- people I can call when I need to even if I can't make it to the meetings very often.

Take care,

Tara
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Tara-
I think that is really good advice. I don't know anyone with a child that has special needs in the real world. Actually, now that I think of it some of my nephews are having some problems, but their parents just seem to think meds are the only answer, so it is hard to talk to them about not putting ds on meds, because they think my diet and supplement talk is just crazy! I think I will start looking for a support group. MDC is awsome, because I know people won't start pushing the med. issue with me and will understand, but it would be nice to talk to someone in the real world about it too! Thanks again to everyone for your support and encouragement. I love this place!
 
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