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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi mamas. I am having a horrible time lately. My ds is almost 7 months old and I work 40+ hours a week since he was about 8 weeks old. I miss him so much. By the time I get home, I feel like I'm so tired we hardly get any play time together. It's making me so sad. I've talked with dp about staying home with him, and I can't come to a conclusion. If I stay home, we will lose so much income and I know we'll struggle. I bring in about 43k a year and my manager has been plugging me for a new management position that would bump me up much further. It's such a great opportunity for our family to be comfortable money wise. I have no idea what route to choose. My family is helping me take care of him now, and I'm also worried that wont work out forever. And I cannot stand the idea of daycare. Ugh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
I thought about posting this in SAHM'ing, but figured I'd get a more diverse response from mamas that deal with this every day as well. Does it get better as the baby gets older? I don't want to grow apart from him. I also don't want to quit my job to turn around and have to get another job once he goes to school (granted, that will be in a long time) and start at a lower place than I'm at now. If I keep going on the track I'm on with work, in 4 1/2 years I should be doing pretty darn well.<br><br>
Help me!<br><br>
Edited to add that I have amazing benefits and I get 11 paid holidays, 18 personal days off, and 8 sick days. I think that's pretty damn good and hard to find.
 

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Is there any way you can do some consulting work in your field that would allow you to work from home or work part time for the years until your child goes to school? This option would help you stay engaged in your career, but also allow you more time with your child.<br><br>
It's so hard being a working mom isn't it?
 

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I second the pps suggestion, also I wonder if your employer would allow you to cut back on hours or do flex-time so that you could spend more time with your ds during the day. Though if you are promoted, it's probably not likely that you would not be able to cut back on hours.<br><br>
Hannah
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
There's more of an option to work from home as a manager, but that position certainly hasn't been promised to me at this point. And that's not a constant option either- it would just be an every once in awhile occurance.<br><br>
And it's horribly hard being a working mom. It's even harder to be a working ap mama.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah- cutting back on hours isn't really an option either. As working mothers though, do you feel that you're being forced to detach from your children? We spend the whole day together when I'm home. I just don't want to ruin our bond.
 

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No advice, just hugs. I am struggling with it too. It isn't easy but for me I would rather work 40+ hours and have DH work 40+ hours and she see both of us equally than I stay home and DH has to work really long crazy hours to compensate. It isn't easy and what is right for one family isn't for another.
 

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Here's another hug for you!<br><br>
My kids have gone to daycare from early infancy as we have no family here to help us and I have no paid time off at all, so I go back when they are pretty young. I can say that, having dropped off the kids this morning, that it did get easier for me as they got older. The older kids (2 and 4) actually like going to daycare and have a good time there. They are still very attached to us, they aren't more attached to their 'teachers'. We snugle, we play and we enjoy our time together. I would say that we are very bonded and I think they will say that too.<br><br>
I grew up in a financially unstable home. I think that still colors many of my decisions in life - one of which is that I will never completely give up working. So if I had the choice of financial stability I would take it. My mom worked 6 days a week when I was a kid and I am very close to her, and I didn't turn out so bad (at least I don't think so!)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
To conclude a marathon post... my pediatrician gave me good advice on working vs SAHMing. He said he *couldn't* give me advice as to what to do, but rather he could simply say that maybe twice a year you sit down and assess if what you are doing is working for you. Sounds like things are working out with childcare and whatnot now, with hope for things to get even better. Remember that if you decide to keep working now, you can always change your mind later if things seem not to be working out! Good luck to you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
That's exactly what I wanted to hear. That your kids are still very attached to you. Thanks for all the hugs, I really needed it this morning. I also grew up in a very *poor* home, for lack of a better word, and it wasn't so great. Of course, it did teach me to appreciate every thing I've been given.
 

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I think being an AP mama really helps when you are working, because you are more likely to spend all your free time with your babes, co-sleep, extended bf or bottle feed in arms, baby wear, etc. My DS and I are super attached even though he has been in some sort of either full or part time care for a year now.<br><br>
There are days when I despair about not being with him more, but then I realize that he gets to do a lot of fun stuff with his caregiver that I don't do with him when I'm home. He gets different things from me, DH and DCP. It's great seeing his attachments blossom.<br><br>
Some days I feel like if I was more detached I'd be happier, because I wouldn't worry so much. But, what's the point of being a mom if you aren't worrying and deeply attached to your little ones, right?!<br><br>
I'm having a really interesting experience right now of seeing my sister let go of being a stay at home, home schooling mother of three in order to dig her family out of financial turmoil and it has been a very positive experience for their whole family. Years ago, it may not have been the right decision, but now it is. So, as a pp mentioned, what works for your family right now will change down the road.<br><br>
Sorry, bit of a pointless ramble!
 

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Just wanted to say, "HANG IN THERE"! I'm struggling w/many of the same issues myself. Mommy guilt is the pits. DD, who is 15 mos, LOVES daycare, but I can't help but feel like I'm shortchanging her sometimes despite the fact that I bond w/her like crazy @ nights & on weekends. Morning drop-off has gotten a little easier now that she's older; back in the early days, I would practically cry on the drive to work, & it got to the point where I wouldn't want to do anything "adult" w/dp (like a party or a night out) on the weekends because I wanted to spend every minute outside of work w/dd. (Btw, I rtrnd to work @ 6 wks pp). Now, however, I think I've struck a balance, if only because I've become accustomed to this whole working mother routine. I can't say that I wouldn't SAHM if we could financially swing it, but I've come to accept my circumstances & be grateful that my family lives a fairly comfortable life. Just my .02.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
You guys have no idea how much better this has made me feel. I can do this. My ds stays with my sister now during the day, and she takes such amazing care of him. He gets so much love and attention. I guess maybe I'm jealous <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br><br>
Thank you guys so much. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama Dani</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6483687"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You guys have no idea how much better this has made me feel. I can do this. My ds stays with my sister now during the day, and she takes such amazing care of him. He gets so much love and attention. I guess maybe I'm jealous <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br><br>
Thank you guys so much. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"></div>
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This is an area that makes it easier for me... the fact that my son is in nursery in the morning, but is then with Nana all afternoon. I've discovered that it's a nice little balance for him. He has a mixture of social interaction with other children and the closeness of being with family too throughout the day.<br><br>
I have found myself trying to make the most of every minute during the day when I'm not at work devoting that time to my son. This Friday I'm not working, so we're going to have a Mummy Day. I'm SO looking forward to it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Mama Dani - is it possible that your sister could bring your son to visit you at work at least once a day - maybe during lunch or something? Then at least you don't have to go for hours and hours without seeing him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I could ask her to if they happen to be in the area. I work really not <i>that</i> far from where I live, but here in WA the traffic is a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> up mess. It would take her about an hour to get here and an hour back probably. Sometimes she takes him to Seattle to run errands though, and perhaps she could stop by on her way.
 

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Is there a way for you to get help at home, so you can spend more time with baby? Could you hire a mother's helper, a young girl who can clean your house once a week or something?<br><br>
I work because you never know about the unexpected. I know many SAHM really really struggle and life is very tough for them because they can't enjoy the baby because they are so stressed about $$. I know personally we have had many instances where my salary has saved our butt.<br>
AND - it has allowed me to give my dd a nice vacation with us, stuff like that. I grew up poor and don't want that for my kids.<br><br>
I think now that she is getting older, I get to spend more time with her. She needs less things from me.<br><br>
Also - she is very attached to her DCP (we go to a small in home) and she LIKES to go to "school" and play with the other kids. I think she really enjoys it. And I also think I am a better mommy when I am not with her 24/7.
 

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I am struggling w/ the same issues. I guess the grass is always greener... But I have such a hard time concentrating while at work (hence many hours on MDC <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> oops!). I just want to be w/ her all the time! I'm looking for something I can do from home, but I know I'll take a paycut & we're stretching it w/ my pay the way it is now. What to do??? Just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat.
 

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What is your work environment like? Do you feel like you might be able to introduce a program where you could bring your child to work one day a week? It would take some research and problem-solving, but a lot of companies are looking into innovative retention tools, and things like flextime and flexplace are more common examples of that.<br><br>
Good luck, mama! You're doing a great job.
 

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Hey mama. I'm in WA too (Bellingham). With the increasingly higher cost of living around here, I know losing a major source of income would be pretty tough.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">As working mothers though, do you feel that you're being forced to detach from your children? We spend the whole day together when I'm home. I just don't want to ruin our bond.</td>
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I saw a study sometime in the last few months that said there was no difference in the level of attachment that SAHMs and WOHMs developed with their kids, because WOHMs are so focused on making the most of the time that they do have with their children. I personally feel a little more attached to my toddler on workdays because I'm so focused on him. I'm not trying to do housework or cook--that stuff mostly waits till I have a day off or he goes to bed.<br><br>
(Interestingly, the study did find a decreased level of attachment between WAHMs and their kids, because the WAHMs' businesses competed with the kids for the women's attention. That makes complete sense to me--I know that when I have to get something done at home for either my day job (I work three days a week) or my home business (knitting), I am a lot more distracted from my toddler.)<br><br>
Hope this helps. Hope you get your promotion soon!
 
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