[bri276]

I'm sick. have been for 3 days. just a cold but still feeling so tired & lazy. not helping that dd woke up over 10 times last nite (which she never does). the kid's stomach is a neverending tunnel or something, she ate us out of house and home yesterday. DH has been taking over a lot, but he's just...not me.

well anyways, here I am on the laptop, DH is at college, and poor dd is just playing with a puppet on the floor. she never took a nap today, just played by herself the majority of the day. PT? ha! I had her standing up while playing, that's it, did a little massage. I hate feeling like I'm failing. I hate that we have a huge family bash this wkend and dd isn't walking or even standing or saying any words at all and how many times I'm going to have to answer those questions.

then I go and read something about kids who are facing challenges soooo much more difficult and I'm beyond grateful that we aren't dealing with anything wore than what we are, and I kick myself for being so bitter and negative. but really, the therapies are killing me. I can no longer do ANYTHING without feeling guilty. If I'm cooking....I should be doing PT. If I'm reading....I should be reading a book to her. If I'm watching TV, I should be taking her outside. This guilt is what led me to join 4 million playgroups b/c she was rarely around other kids. what does she do? sit there. she doesn't scoot like she does at home, she barely even moves, she just watches the kids, laughing sometimes, but mostly just sitting there looking even MORE delayed than she is. and now I'm sick from being around so many little snot nosed kids.

:

: ok sorry for spewing my negative energy into this forum, but NO ONE else understands, and I feel sooooo pressured.

 

[logan&jordansmommy]

I am sure you are a wonderful mama! It is hard to always be "on". I often take advantage of the fact that ds likes to play on his own but like you I feel guilty later. Motherhood in general is just a darn big guilt trip. Then add a sn kiddo in the mix and watch out.
Try to be easy on yourself and get the rest you need!!

 

[MillingNome]

Repeat after me:

I am a good mom. I'm doing the best I can.

It's ok to let things slide once in awhile. Sometimes we just need to take a mental break. I do what you're doing too. Then what happens is I feel guilty for feeling guilty. It has gotten to the point where I feel frozen and unable to do anything. How can I? I don't know where to start. There can be so much pressure to cram so much into each day. And yet, at least mine do, the dc still feel our love and sense our deep desire to do right by them. Release yourself from the guilt.

 

[crazycat]

Just wanted to send a

and let you know you are not alone! I, too, often feel like nothing I do is enough, but also wonder how on earth can I get EVERYTHING done that DS1 needs in a day?? It just doesn't seem possible, at least without neglecting DS2, all the housework, and forget about any quiet relaxing downtime for myself or "couple time" for DH and I ... that is a thing of the past! DH doesn't really understand the pressure I put on myself to get things done but honestly I wish I could accomplish half of what I feel he really needs ... I try to tell myself that it all has to balance, that him having a loving, supportive home and a little brother to play with is all part of what he needs to grow along with all the therapies, but still it's sooo hard some days, especially when he is so darn content to just play by himself and really would prefer I don't bother him at all anyway.

I hope you are feeling better soon - being sick is a guarantee here that I won't get stuff done, but then I figure a cranky, sick, tired, miserable mamma isn't really all that fun anyway, so those days I do try to just let it go!

Hope you can get the rest you need!

 

[cchrissyy]

give yourself a break, you obviously care and you're obviously trying. it's OK for a good mama to need a break sometimes.

 

[Em's Mom]

There's definitely something in the air....so many of us are having days like this today. You are a great great mom.....you are sick. You deserve to pamper yourself for a few days. You cannot be strong for your dd if you are not feeling well yourself. Give yourself that time to become strong again. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am a great mom".

 

[bri276]

thanks so much mamas. I think I've been feeling like this subconsciously (and not so subconsciously) for a while and being sick and unable to do even the basics is just bringing the issues to the forefront.

I read here, and other support groups, and I feel like most other mothers are so much more on top of their kid's issues than I am. I was way too complacent for way too long. Partially b/c she was hitting most milestones pretty well for quite a while, so my moderate denial was being validated. By the time I realized EI was doing next to nothing and got her into private therapy she was so far behind, and then started actually progressing almost immediately which is a good thing, but a huge slap of guilt for me, because what if I had started sooner? would she be walking now?

why do I focus SO much on the walking? she's not talking, either! But the walking is all I can think about sometimes. She's so bright, you can teach her any game, she is pointing to body parts now, even trying some signs finally. Instead of being thrilled about those things like I should be, I just think "I wish she would walk." And cry. It's so stupid. Some kids will never walk. How dare I be so selfish and ungrateful? And then when EI suggested sure-steps, my instant reaction is "no, she doesn't need anything like that" BS! yes she does!

intellectually, I know how I should be feeling and thinking, but it's somehow not getting through to my heart.

 

[Finch]

Mama, when you're sick, you're sick. Put your cape in the drawer and cut yourself some slack, you are NOT a crap SN mama.

 

[bunsmom]

You are a wonderful Mom. Between all of the therapy appointments and Dr. appointments (for us), it is enough to just let DD play by herself. You don't always have to be interacting with her to be a good Mom. Especially when you are sick.

I felt a lot like you do now about my DD's not walking, about two or three months ago, I just let it go. She is 10 months younger than your DD and she isn't walking or talking either, and she just started wearing the sure steps, and they do help. I feel like she will get there one day and I can't be upsest about it, it just makes it worse.

Hang in there, and let yourself just have a day off every now and then and NO GUILT!