[USAmma]

I am turning into the big mean mommy while he is the one who has all the fun with dd. He threatens all the time when she's misbehaving but rarely follows through. Two days back I shut myself in my bedroom with the baby and listened while he tried to put her to bed. He told her to do things or not do things 47 times!! I kid you not. And never did he follow through when he made threats to take things away or whatever. So for 45 min. he just barked at her like a drill seargent and she could care less about listening to him. I was the one who finally came out and finished putting her to bed after the baby was rocked to sleep.

We had a talk about it later, he and I, about consistency and following through and some other strategies he could use in the future. He listened I thought.

So today dd took part of a bike lock and scraped it on the wall and it made a mark. Dh was near her and asked her not to do it again. She looked at him and immediately did it again and left another mark on the wall. He told her, "Now Daddy said not to do that again, right?" and that was it. That was all that happened. No taking the lock away, no making her try to clean the mark off the wall. Nothing.

I was sitting there holding a fussy teething baby, tired, sleep-deprived as usual, and pretty helpless to follow through. And why should I have to when he's right there??

Whenever I discipline my dd she runs to daddy if he's home and he scoops her up and says, "Ahh poor thing, are you crying? Did mommy get angry at you?" The funny thing is though, that when she's really hurt she comes running to me, not him. Even though I'm the mean disciplinarian, she still prefers Mommy in times of real crisis.

Any suggestions on how to communicate and get through to dh, or am I just destined to be only one who follows through with things?

Darshani

 

[Alkenny]

I think when we're SAHM's, they figure out how to push our buttons. Daddies are really good at not disciplining because they feel (subconciously maybe?) guilty for not being around all the time like we are. This is JMO.

My DH was the same way, and STILL is that way with our DD (Daddy's girl, you know), but I find him getting a little TOO firm with our older DS. If I hear him shout "Boy!" one more time in that tone his dad uses on him....argh!

 

[SabrinaJL]

My DH is the same way but unfortunately now that DD is 10 she has no respect for his authority. She knows she can get away with stuff and isn't really worried about what he'll do to her. If I'm around when he tells her to do something she looks over at me to confirm it. I've been trying to get her out of that habit by telling her that she has to listen to him just as much as she has to listen to me. If I'm not around she'll just tell him "Whatever" and not do it.

And I know for a fact that DH was this way out of guilt as he told me so. One time I confronted him about it and he said "Well, I'm not around all that much, I don't want her upset with me when I am around" (he's in the navy). But I tell ya, he's surely regretting it now that DD can be so disrespectful to him.

 

[yeah yeah yeah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by USAmma Whenever I discipline my dd she runs to daddy if he's home and he scoops her up and says, "Ahh poor thing, are you crying? Did mommy get angry at you?"

OMG. I'd have one dead dh. Oooh, no. How do you not flip out over that?

 

[zealsmom]

HI USAmma. I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Disregard any of this if you think it is not the case. But after spending years in India, I wonder if his approach is cultural. I don't mean to generalize, so if it sounds like that I am sorry.

 

[Pynki]

I was going to say was Zealsmom said.. I know you commented on the way the kids are treated when you are in India visiting your DH family.. Don't let them cry.. Give them a candy instead.. So I was wondering if it could perhaps just be a throwback from how he was raised.. Knowing nothing of how your dh was raised.. Just speculating from previous posts you've made.. And if this was the case.. Perhaps speak to him about it in reference to that..

We all have things we change from the way we were parented as children.. Maybe if you point it out to him in that way it could help.. It has with my DH and some of the things that are thowbacks from his childhood...

Best of Luck and Warm Squishy Feelings..

Dyan