I am the worst home schooler!!

First of all, get a hold of yourself. What one woman can do, another can do. You have already identified why you feel your peer-mothers are so much more acoomplished than you. While that may be true, it certainly doesnt have to stay that way. And it doesn't make them better people or mothers than you. It's just their skill set. You obviously love your children, and youd dh supports your mothering skills and your homeschooling endeavors. Shore up your self esteem. You CAN do this.

Many of the home arts skills whereof you speak are perfectly obtainable for you now. And in a homeschooler's life, they are a perfect meld. Learn TOGETHER with your children. I am learning to knit just now, and I am teaching my child. When I first started gardening, my preschoolers were right out there with me while I dug and planted.

As for music, that is as simple as exposing them to music. Turn off the tellie and turn on the radio. BBC has amazing music programs anyway; you can use your network to power your schooling if you want to. I sing and read music in that fashion, but I play no instruments. However, I will be attending suzuki lessons with my kids. We will learn together.

Those are practical suggestions on my part, but you are the only one who can allow yourself to acknowledge that you can do it. You will only be brimming with confidence if you let yoruself believe in yourself.

ETA: I was also abused as a child, and my mother sort of unschooled me when I was at home because it was a way of making me leave her alone. A lot of the skills I have now, I learned as an adult, including driving, cooking, etc. I put myself through college, and I became a chef before I was a SAHM. LOL

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Well, the smilies are turned off, or there'd be a big hug one here. So let's make do with the old fashioned ones: {{{{{Mand}}}}}

I think you could greatly benefit from taking one thing at a time. You're not looking at obstacles that are particularly hard to overcome. The main obstacle - and I don't mean this unkindly - seems to be that you're focusing on what you perceive to be your own inadequacies instead of focusing on ways to fix the problems. That isn't serving anyone.

Your house isn't organized and tidy? That's easy to fix and a great place to start. What would it take to make it so? Getting some bins and shelves? Painting? Thinking the problem through and coming up with creative ideas for making it easier to keep things tidy? I'll bet your children would be happy to pitch in to help reorganize and clean up - one room at a time - especially your 14 yr. old - if it's presented as an exciting project.

You don't bake? No big deal at ALL - get a couple of good cookbooks. And/or refer to recipes online - there are oceans of good cooking sites! Just a few good ones:
Martha Stewart - this might be a perfect one to start with, because she considers herself a home economics teacher first and foremost!
The Splended Table
Epicurious

Sewing? Google "learn to sew" - take a look at this site:
sewing.org

Music? I don't play an instrument - I know lots of people who don't - but that doesn't mean you can't learn alongside your children. I took piano and violin lessons when my son was taking them, but let them slide, and I'm thinking about taking them up again.

Scared of driving? Practice, practice, practice with your husband right there.

And last but far from least, it seems to me you could really use some counseling to help iron out some of the emotional issues that have quite understandably come from your difficult childhood. Those things don't go away by themselves. I also have to wonder if you might be experiencing some clinical depression that could be treated. You might be surprised at how fast you could get through some of this.

I really think getting your home all nice and attractive in a way you'd enjoy it could be a great start and boost your confidence. Lillian

Sorry, I don't buy it. ; )

I've just been reading a bit of your blog, and I am seeing interests like gardening, ballet, knowledge about health and nutrition, yoga. Why do you think these things are inherently less worthwhile than sewing, cooking, and playing a musical instrument? We are all different -- that is the beauty of life, its diversity. Really, how boring if you were doing the exact same things as all the other moms. You are clearly such an individualist, and have so many special things about you already. You love your children, and your husband obviously thinks highly of you. I think that is fantastic. I wonder why it is not good enough for you? What sense does it make to regard someone else's choices and talents are more valid when your own are so life-affirming?

And if you (or your children) really want to learn to cook, sew, be a musician, etc., like the others have said, there is nothing holding you back. You're clearly an intelligent, passionate person, and have the capacity. But if you don't really care about those things, why worry about them? Do you really believe, deep in your heart, that they are necessary to a satisfying, fulfilling life?

I hear you on the sewing thing, though, that would stress me out and I *do* know something about sewing already! I'd say, just do your best. It isn't a contest, right? It is supposed to be about learning and having fun. Go at it with that in mind, and don't worry about the end result so much. It will be fine!

I think it is all too many stresses at once. Also with a teething toddler who is whinging each day cos he has real bad excema and it is hurting him right now and I can't get a break becuase my ds won't go to daddy!!

The Tudor recreation at Kentwell is hard as the outfits have to be authentic to the tiniest detail, it didn't help when I suggested to Emilywe go to the sewing workshop because the tailor is there to guide you and my daughter repiled how her friends mum wasn't going because 'she isn't stupid'- that kind of hurt me.

I keep thinking of moving to the city even though I HATE cities because I want to get the kids to some things we don't have around here. But my kids are happy at home, doing village activites. I am a real homebody but am putting off improving my home till I decide where I want to be.

I agree I do have my own interests (my eldest calls me a big hippy and doesn't want any of my positivity rubbish as she says) but my interests are VERY different to other people around here, so I don't share them with people. A sqaure peg sure describes how I feel.

I have a neighbour behind me and she is out in the garden singing with her kids, she seems so happy and content. Her children are so happy and laughing with mum and I don't feel mine see that very much.

I want to sort out my home ed so I can be happy with it. I get fixed on the labels and worried if stuff will damage their love for learning. I DO want to educate them, they will know it is about learning things, but that can be fun and I keep thinking as long as I love them and listen to them does it hurt to offer projects to do, suggest books to read, encourage them to try again at something they found hard?.......

I do bake and read to them but not as much as I should cos I get up in the morning and feel tired, I don't start moving till 10am!. My ds will not leave my side and I read other peoples blogs of all they have done with their kids and feel inadequate! And dh thinks I do nothing with them because what I do doesn't look like school to him.

Maybe I should post some photos on my blog of us in the garden blowing bubbles and bouncing on the trampoline to remind me I am okay.

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Two major problems I am seeing here:

(1) Your eldest child and daughter (are these the same person?) mentioned above are (is) being verbally abusive to you. You need to defend yourself and teach respectful communication. It looks as if you are just lying down and taking it when your child says deeply hurtful things. "That kind of hurt me" is a wishy-washy phrase that says you don't consider yourself worthy of non-abusive communication. You need to stand up for yourself. You deserve the same respect you show your family.

You need to say something like, "DD, I am very hurt that you would say that. The fact that I would like some help with sewing does not mean I am stupid. It is just as wrong to hurt with words as it is to hurt with your hands. Please say things in a nice way. If you disagree with my position, then state your reasons for disagreeing and show respect for my position. You will never win anyone over to your perspective by calling the other perspective 'rubbish.'"

Having her read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People (or reading it together as a family) might help as well.

(2) Your husband is not supporting your family's educational approach. Perhaps reading about unschooling or meeting other unschoolers would help him out. He needs to see that making your house into a miniature school is not the only way to educate, and that it is not the best way for your family. Maybe John Holt's How Children Fail, How Children Learn, or Learning All the Time would help.

Hugs

I don't have time to read the other posts, but I'm sure just having the individualized attention from their mother means immense amounts to your children. I get in ruts too where I feel like I'm not good enough. or why can't I do this or that. but we are all talented unique people in our own way. You have a lot to offer your kiddums, not the same things as someone else would, but still important and special. Good luck withthe tudor costume that sounds very neat!

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I know how to sew and being given only 3 days to come up with a super authentic Tudor pattern and buy fabric would be stressful. I'd probably get some help. It is stupid and weak not to admit you don't know everything and seek out help when you need it. There isn't a person on the planet who knows how to do absolutely everything and that is okay. I would have told her to do her own costume then if that was her attitude. No one deserves that attitude.

You teach your children more than you think you do.

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Ok I sew for a living. I am pretty comfortable with working without a pattern of combining patterns onsome things. and I cannot even begin to imagine pulling this off. my brain cannot even go there and begin thinking about. This is not a lack of skill problem. This is a huge expectation to put on you. I am not familiar with "Tudor" clothes. are they fairly easy or something? are yousure you have the instructions right? Is there someone who has done this before who can help you? This just seems like a really odd thing to ask the average person. This is very advanced seamstress sort of stuff.

as for the driving that is limiting and something you should work on. it took a while but I have finally concoured my fear of driving. It was just a mater of getting out there and doing it. Having a cell phone and AAA membership has helped a lot.

and before I worked on my driving or sewing skill I would work on that dd's attitude. I can't imagine feeling like sewing, stressing or doing fun things for a child who was so dissrespectful to me.

Coming from a relatively poor background and being middle class economically now, I have to add that I think Lillian got it right when she said something about feeling like you don't fit in in your village. I feel that way when I see kids with their skinny, blonde, tan, fashionably dressed soccer moms driving big, expensive SUVs. My friend also feels that way, even though they make twice as much as we do and she is a skinny, fashionably dressed soccer mom and drives a new van. Do you have a friend in your village? Maybe that's something to look into. Even just one other adult who accepts you could be a big help.

Yeah, your daughter is being very disrespectful. I used to be a pushover parent (well, I still have my moments...) I was depressed and other people's criticism sure didn't help. I had to channel my inner sistah (OK-I'm actually white ) and I was completely surprised that my son responded well to my boundaries. He was only 2, 3, and 4-but I was getting hit and head-butted pretty much everyday! I think my being wimpy and wishy-washy was causing some of the problem.

Is this a normal pattern with your daughter? Has it been that way for years? I don't remember where I read it, and it probably doesn't mesh with "gentle discipline"-but I read that in extreme situations, like out of control kids, one solution to reestablish your authority is to TAKE THEIR STUFF! Not secretly and not with threats that you don't follow up on. But an open and matter of fact, "I'm very disappointed in how you've been treating me lately. I feel that you think you are the one in control. You don't seem to appreciate all that I do for you. So, you're stereo, TV, etc... are going to be put away for a while until you can demonstrate a better attitude consistently." Sometimes gentleness just doesn't work with teenagers!

As for the Tudor recreation, I have sent my husband and dd to the sewing day where apparently the dressmaker will have loads of fabric there and they will be working on their patterns and starting the bodice, cos it needs the bones in it. A lot of the project is handsewing so I will be handing that over to my dd! They are really strict and it has to look authentic, you can machine sew some under layers that people won't see. I have bought a book called The Tudor Tailor' that has lots of help re the patterns in it. My dd's friend has been previously and has been givng me some tips, and I have borrowed somebody's outfits so I can see how they should look. I have 6 weeks to make 2 smocks (like a nightshirt) a petticoat, a wool lined skirt (kirtle) and the bodice (boned with sleeves in linen attached), some aprons and handerkerchiefs...hey I DO know how to sew handerchiefs!

I live in 'Stepford' and lost some friends when their children started school and my dd didn't. I do have a couple of friends here in the village, but can only see them when dh is off so he can play with my children so I get to chat, and he is off 3 days after every 5 days work, but it is then we tend to go out places, so it leaves little time for friends. I don't learn new things for me because in the day I feel I should be focused completely on them and their education, and in the evenings I am too tired.

I want to learn to knit so I can knit some wool soakers, crochet a bag, I also want to learn our piano and the guitar as I want to own a cello in a few yrs (lifelong dream). I figure when ds is older I will have more ime to do these things.

I have bought Dale Carnegie's book and will be encouraging my eldest to sit and listen with me whilst I read so we can discuss it, it looks really good!

My daughter is going through a hard time at the moment because at 14 1/2she has just over a year left till compulsory education ends, and if she wanted to take further ed at the sixth form college where her other home schooled friends are at, she has an awful amount of catching up to do to get some exams under her belt or at least knock up an impressive portfolio to show what she has done with her life so far- internet and tv is not a lot to show. There are other things, just not a lot of academics. Dd is lazy and does very little, there is only so much cajoling I can do to her. She hates studying and she has no idea what interests her or what she wants to do with her next few yrs let alone her life.

In this respect I feel home schooling has failed her, because in school at least she would have left with the exams required to get into the 6th form college (there are other college options, but she wants these 'Ivy' colleges). I feel she knows I feel this way and sometimes plays on it.

Homeschooling sounds great in theory but it really hasn't been great for Emily. I am trying to adjust so I don't let my other 2 down as well. I won't be unschooling, I will be eclectic with lots of encouragement to get things done. If one way doesn't work, I am going to present the information in another way and see how it goes. I think unschooling only works if you can get out of the house a lot and you are a happy inspired mom.

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This touched me. It sounds like you need some camaraderie, some breathing time, and rest & regeneration too. Your kids can still play with the other friends' kids, after school, can't they? Homeschooling doesn't have to mean your kids are glued to you all day, or that you need to be on task constantly. Maybe when the little one naps, you could have some free time?

In our days I spend a lot of quality time with my kids but we also each spend time on our own, and just as I feel it's important for them to have kids to play with, I also would not give up meeting with my friends during the day, if that's when they are available. It breaks up the day and is fun to have a visitor or go meet in a park, it also can be stimulating for your mind, from which we all benefit ... All interaction with others, while it might not be their friends, can be an enlightening and valuable part of your kids' "socialization" for lack of a better word. My dd 6 and 18-month old ds know a variety of people, many that don't "match" us in race, age (older people, people with kids who aren't the same ages as mine), life-circumstances (single moms, or friends who have no kids) or class (sometimes we're the haves and sometimes the have-nots, it's all relative!), and when we get together we all interact. While the kids are playing I do get time to chat with my friends about more personal issues, too.

Also, about learning new things - as others have said, do it along with the kids! I believe it's very important to show them that the world is open for constant growth and change -- you can learn anything you want to know. My dd is also very unmotivated, generally uninspired to learn new things on her own - but when I show her my passion for learning something, it rubs off on her. Thinking of your teen dd - maybe she needs to be in charge of something. Does she have chores? Maybe she needs more "live" learning. "Studying" in the traditional sense can be boring for any of us! Can you turn off the TV, give her a camera, and tell her you & the other kids will be her actors, and she has free rein to direct & make her own TV show? For sure, your 14-year old will be definitely inspired by your verve if you show her you can learn anything out there and greet things as a fun challenge. (Though I would personally lose my mind with the Tudor costume - and I can sew. I think it's great you left a good deal of it up to dd to sort out, with the guidance of the sewing helper and her dad.) Is it possible that with your elder daughter you have not completely revealed this joy of learning to her, by putting yourself last? or that maybe you have been too available for her, and so she takes for granted that you are going to take on the burden for her learning? just a shot in the dark.

Good luck, your blog shows me an intelligent, interesting woman who has a lot to offer her kids!