[Aquafina]

I am the one that has fed my child from my breast,I am the one that has struggled with if my child should be vaxed or not,I am the one that holds my child all night,I am the one that loves my child dearly,I am the one that held my child in my tummy for 9 months alone while my ex had to figure stuff out by himself,and even mentioned I get a abortion

......

WHY WHY WHY WHY does my DS cry and push me away he only wants his dad.I am so so hurt my ex dosent even see him that much.......He has been with his dad for around 1 week....My DS should miss me by now.We went somewhere tonight together and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to love to hold him and love on him and he said no,cried and pushed me away,when we pulled into my drive way my DS started crying very franticly and said no no no no no...............

I dont know what to say,my EX is weird could he be brainwashing my DS?

A child should be really sad at this point and miss mom............

I am beyond frantic and really cant think of anything else to say I feel so sad right now

 

[singin'intherain]

How old is your ds? You said he's been with your ex for one week- was he on a visit, or what? This situation is so heartbreaking! Of course your son loves you- something a lot deeper is going on here than it seems. I'm getting tears in my eyes just hearing your story, mama....... I feel your pain. Hang in, you'll figure out what's going on with him.

:

 

[unfrozncavegrl]

I'm so sorry! How old is your ds?

 

[meemee]

if your son is anything between 2 and 4 this is typical age appropriate behaviour. kids go thru this one parent focus. it lasts a litle while. no idea why and then it works out. dont look at it as rejection. its just something kids do.

and i know it sounds harsh but just because you did all those doesnt mean your child should love you you know? its setting up oneself for more hurt.

but also how is your situation at home? is it just you and ds. or others? is there tension at home? i am looking for answers here.

:

 

[astrophe27]

I agree... depending on the age of child it is a nrmal stage to prefer one parent over the other.

And if Dad is the "fun playmate" one right now (which it might be since child seems to be visiting and that is novel), that means child isn't going to want you until the "fix things and comfort" one is needed (you).

A.

 

[glorified_rice]

Oh mama, I could feel your sadness and confusion come through in your post. No advice, just and lots of good, positive vibes to you tonight.

 

[Kinguk]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meemee if your son is anything between 2 and 4 this is typical age appropriate behaviour. kids go thru this one parent focus. it lasts a litle while. no idea why and then it works out. dont look at it as rejection. its just something kids do. :

Yes I was thinking the same thing. I have worked with young children for years. Just keep loving him, and being there for him unconditionally. It's hard, but he still loves you more (hehe!)

Right now my little one is still so attached to me (she's a toddler) ... I dread the day when she says would rather go with her daddy

Good luck mamma

 

[Aquafina]

My Ds is 2 1/2

.............His dad sees him every 6 weeks or if he is in between jobs as he works a few states away.......Right now he is in between jobs so he will be in town for awhile a few weeks.....

I live at home with my parents,its in a pretty big house so it does feel like its just us....

Its just sad to me that even his older brother he could care less about,I mean thats how it seems.....

He always does this though when his dad is here but this time its really bad....Theres been times his dad has left and he would cry for like 2 hours straight.......He didnt even want me touching him

...He put his head in his dads tummy and looked up at me with scared eyes...

His dad did tell me he points at airplans and cries and at night while sleeping was crying about planes ( he knows his dad flys as we have picked him and droped him off there)

I mean I want him to love his dad but,I am just really bothered about the fact that he could care less about me.He looked at me like I was a monster...I really feel like I failed somewhere........

I just feel really bummed out..........

 

[HappilyEvrAfter]

((((hugs, mamma))))

Never fear, your little one doesn't hate you and probably doesn't REALLY prefer your ex over you....he just doesn't know how, or even what, he's feeling now at this age.

My DS4 goes through this...even when it's just a phone call from his daddy.

They get angry at the other parent for not being there all the time or that they "go away" from them.

Actually, please feel loved that your little one can be angry with you because he KNOWS that the love between you two is stong enough to endure his anger.

Start giving his feelings a name..."Honey, I know what you're feelling is angry. It's ok to miss your daddy. I miss my daddy sometimes too. BUT you'll see him again." And let him cry in your arms if he needs to.
He may not cry right now at his age; that's when he needs a little space after you've given his emotion a name and the permission to feel that way.
After a day (or it may be several days sometimes - like with mine) that he'll come back around to the loving, happy child you know.

It's not easy, but think about times when fun things are taken away from you as an adult. Even WE go through the grumpies and need to work through them.
It may take tons of times to get him to understand that what he's feeling is anger, but starting eary at 2 will make it easier in the long run.

:

: to you. It's hardly ever easy to see this in the middle of being pushed away, but try to remember that his bond with you will be stronger in the long run because of this....because you were the one that gave him permission to feel what he needed to feel and were there to help "pick up the pieces" and provide security.

Love to you...I feel your pain.

 

[guestmama9915]

Sounds normal.. and he might also be a little upset that you weren't around, but not sure how to express that.

 

[vocalise]

It sounds like a heartbreaking thing to go through as a mom. Hugs to you. I agree with pp's that it can be normal for kids of his age to behave this way, although it can also be a sign that the child is spending too long without seeing one parent or the other. There are some new studies out there that suggest young children who don't see their attachment figures at least every three-four days develop disorganized attachment patterns with BOTH parents because of it. Is your visitation schedule court ordered? If not, you may want to speak with your ex about arranging for a more attachment-healthy schedule. I've been doing a lot of research on this issue, and I've found good, research-based guidelines here:

www.oscn.net/forms/aoc_form/adobe/Form.76.pdf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aquafina : A child should be really sad at this point and miss mom............

Please be really careful about this kind of thinking. Children have all kinds of reactions to transitioning between parents, and they need to get the message that their feelings are valid if they are going to adjust in a healthy way. Please don't expect him to meet your need for love at this time; he's little, and he's entitled to be upset if he wants to be with his dad. Mirror his emotions for him: "It sounds like you're really sad/frustrated/angry right now. I'll bet that's because it's hard to switch houses/you miss your dad. Would it help if we call him tomorrow/get out the stuffy he gave you/play outside for awhile?" I find that when I used to do this for ds (his dad has now passed away), it would calm his anxieties much faster because he felt he was being 'heard'.

Give yourself credit for doing a great job, mama. Your ds can't have perspective on it, now, and probably won't for a long time, but chances are he will look back on everything you have done for him when he's an adult and thank his lucky stars!