[Aquafina]

Ok My LO 2 is such a sweet kid.Always says please and thank you,listens.I mean we have our I want to pull my hair out moments but they quickly pass.

I am a single mom and my LO's father is in town around every 6 weeks or a holiday.He is a good dad to his LO pays child support.I have never seen him be mean to him,and I dont think he would be....Now to me he is mean verbally.

Well he was here for thanksgiving,he brought his sister with him.I thought hey they are here for 4 days let them e spend time with the LO alone.I USUALLY hang out with LO's father when he is here.....

Well my LO has been different.Clingy,whiney,moody,tantrums,please and nos wont come out of LO's mouth.

I was a wreck the other day thinking scene I wasn't around that somehow My LO got confused about his aunt.Its the second time Lo has meet her first time was a baby.

I talked to LO'S Grandma that other day and she said it was terrible two's..They change from day to day and not to worry about it.And how her son needs to spend time with his son alone and how its good for me to have my space aswell.Now I think she means well but I really dont know....

Well I get a email from her and she is telling me its because of potty training LO on the big toilet and not a small kid potty chair

seriously .She said that he only gets to see his dad for a couple days then has to leave. "now he's using the big potty. which most kids start around 1
yr. setting on the potty chair on the floor first. then the move to the
big toilet around 2 or 3yrs. of age".......

Please tell me I am mad for no good reason and she is just trying to help me out.....And LO's behavior terrible twos come on???

TIA

 

[Aquafina]

Hope I have this in the right forum?Its just on my mind

 

[CheapPearls]

Was the change immediately after Dad and Aunt were around? I would ask Dad if anything happened or if LO seemed scared/confused.

With my 2 boys the terrible twos started gradually. A sudden change like that would concern me. Could he be getting molars? Sick? Any big changes going on?

 

[Aquafina]

Yep change happened right after dad left.I would love to ask him but it will be a fight.Hes big thing is always I will show you what a a$$ hole is when I take LO.....He did talk bad to me on the phone called me a stupid blep biotch.I mean I dont know if that would effect my LO hearing that stuff...I have thought of molers aswell I hope thats what it is.I just dont want to be over reacting......

 

[LynnS6]

From what I understand, he spent considerable time with his dad and aunt when he's not used to doing that. That might be enough to throw him off kilter. Think of it from his perspective, suddenly, you're not there, and while his dad is, he doesn't know dad all that well (someone you see every 6 weeks is more of a distant relative at age 2).

Yes, kids pick up on tension between parents, and he's going to be in a tough position because he's got two people who love him, who clearly don't get along. He's just entering an age where he's getting more relationship stuff, but his relationships are very one-on-one. So, if he loves mommy, what does that mean about daddy? (And vice versa). That's something that kids in 2 parent families go through too, by the way, but they don't have the added stress of mom and dad not getting along, so feeling like they must choose.

Is there any way you can communicate with his dad electronically and not by phone so he doesn't pick up on the fights? (It might actually help you co-parent better because you'll able to respond more calmly.)

 

[Aquafina]

Thank You for the advice.

I really feel like Its all my fault.Its hard to fight with someone so much.LO's father is VERY OPINIONATED and a no it all

.I have talked to him about us being friends for our child.He tells me to get over it kids are strong people disagree.LO'S father treats me bad,unless I agree with everything he says and act submisive.I seriously feel like I am on eggshells around him tip toeing,the last time he was here was when I ended up in the hospital with a panic attack

.The man is comparable with the hulk no joke.I have been called names in public places loudly with the kids in tow.That is why this last time I didnt want to hang out.I am scared of him.And he trys discipline my older son that has bathroom issues( Yes my older child has woke up in the middle of the night when my LO's father is around thinking he is going to get a spanking for pooping himself the kid is in panic mode,and he has been spanked by him for pooping

.But when his own child is doing something wrong he laughs?And when ever I have asked him to not talk to my older one that way.He says hes tying to help,and what ever I can have a bad kid,and then the names start.He states he worked in a home with disobedient kids,where they would hold them down if they were bad so he know how to discipline and I dont he hugs them after they get in trouble. Hes raised his hand to me in front of the kids.But its my fault as I provoke him???I have told His mother how I feel and she basically says pray you need to pray about it so you can get along

.I would never keep our son away from his dad.But I seriously feel panicky,and tense when hes around,and I dont want my LO to feel abandoned by me when he hangs out with his dad,as me and my kids are very close.What the heck do I do?I am all for keeping my mouth shut for my kids.But even if I move the wrong way I feel like I will be screamed at.I am just a depressed gloomy mess when he is around.I mean he wasnt even around the 9 months I was pregnant because god told him not to be.

I am sure I will edit this later as he knows I love MDC and sees me reading the magazine.But any advice would be very appreciated.

 

[Breeder]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It is a really tough situation.

If it were me, I would not leave my children alone with this man. When he tried to provoke me about it, I would simply state that until he can treat me and our children with respect he will not be seeing them alone, period. Get a lawyer. Get the custody arrangements changed if you have to.

He is verbally abusive to you. This hurts your children. Kids do not respond well to seeing a parent verbally attacked.

Remind him that while he has a right to his opinions, he is an adult and opposing opinions can be stated in a respecful way. If he is not strong enough to control himself, your communication will have to be limited to email exchanges because the children are upset due to the talking.

Spanking for a bodily functin accident is very, very harmful to that child's pychological relationship with his body.

 

[CarrieMF]

Quote:

I would never keep our son away from his dad.

how long until he starts treating your younger son the same way he treats your older son, or the way he treats you? He's raised his hand to you, he is emotionally & verbally abusive to you. He will escalate & become physically abusive to your son(s).

There is no reason why he needs to be around your older son, none at all. I would never invite this human into your house. If you feel your younger son needs to be around him, take it to a public place where you are safe. take your older son somewhere else so he does not have to be around this man.

Go to a judge & get a custody agreement put in place, preferably without any overnights. document everything he has done to you & your older son & take that to the judge.

Honestly you should do whatever you can to NOT have this person around you or your children.

 

[Katie T]

This may not be my place but he doesnt sound like a good infuence for anyone. I would keep the visits as supervised as possible maybe in public places, I wouldn't want anyone like that around me or my kids I know that is not an option for you since he is dad. My thoughts are with you and your family, sounds like he is an insecure person did he have a bad childhood?

 

[IlluminatedAttic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF how long until he starts treating your younger son the same way he treats your older son, or the way he treats you? He's raised his hand to you, he is emotionally & verbally abusive to you. He will escalate & become physically abusive to your son(s). There is no reason why he needs to be around your older son, none at all. I would never invite this human into your house. If you feel your younger son needs to be around him, take it to a public place where you are safe. take your older son somewhere else so he does not have to be around this man. Go to a judge & get a custody agreement put in place, preferably without any overnights. document everything he has done to you & your older son & take that to the judge. Honestly you should do whatever you can to NOT have this person around you or your children.

This! Get a lawyer. Get custody which states that he has only supervised visits. DO NOT talk to to MIL about it beforehand.