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Discussion Starter #1
We moved back to dh's hometown, but we really only have contact with a few of his close friends from high school, otherwise, we've just made new friends. We've thought it was weird that some of his "friends" haven't stayed in touch, but we just let it go.<br><br>
Last year when we had ds we were kind of surprised. We had renewed contact with some people that dh knew from high school, and expected some visitors to come meet our baby. But after a few weeks, we realized that we were being snubbed. DH thought maybe people were just busy, but I knew that people were deliberately snubbing dh for some reason. We never knew why and went on our own merry way.<br><br>
Well, dh met up with a friend at a wedding Saturday night and went out fishing with the guy yesterday, and he comes home telling me all kinds of crazy stories! B & S didn't come see us after our baby was born because they found out we don't vax, and they are afraid their baby will get the mumps or measles from ours! H who has a master's degree for goodness sake in the medical field has distanced herself from us for the same reason. Rumour has it that our conversion to Judaism has us doing all kinds of weird things - our planned homebirths are because we don't believe in health insurance and don't have any (not because of all those horror stories they told me about their own births in that horrible hospital - surely not), my hypnosis translates to dh refuses to let me have pain medication in labor...<br><br>
Of course, we've been living happily without these people thus far, so it's not like anything changes, but I'm shocked. I've never been persecuted and gossiped about for my religious and nfl beliefs - we don't even share that much about them anyway... shell shocked I guess...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Wow. I don't know what to say except that it still amazes me sometimes how idiotic people can be.<br>
Sorry! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Im so sorry that rumors are flying around about you and your family! This sort of thing happened to me when I was post partum with Felicity in 2005/2006, but it ws about my messy house and general overwhelmed demeanor, not my NFL beliefs. That would have sent me right over the edge. I will be thinking of you as you figure out if you want to set people straight and how you want to set them straight!!
 

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sigh. People are so nutty! Sorry you had to deal with that. I know a few folks talk behind my back (particularly with the not vaxing) but at least they're pleasant to my face. And they don't keep their kids away from mine.<br><br>
In any case, I wish you luck dealing with them all. Or not dealing with them, if you wish. Sometimes those types of people choose their own ignorance, ya know?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter #5
It's crazy - dh is talking about moving he's so irritated. I'm very tempted to print out some vax info and send it out! This friend he learned all this from was really emotional when he met our family at the wedding. I honestly thought he was a bit of a fruit loop. Come to find out it had really upset him to meet our sweet babies and know these people had been saying mean things about us and them. I guess you never know about people - this is a guy that I really haven't liked all that much. I thought he was kind of mean - turns out he's the only one that's been real with us. If all he said was true... but I think it is, because I suspected something was up.
 

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I am really sorry to hear that this is happening to you. My husband and I are actually going through a similar experience right now with rumors and snubbing. We chose to leave a church that we had been part of for almost 10 years in March. The pastor and all of our old friends are saying that my husband, who was going to be a pastor, is mentally ill, seeing a psychiatrist, and on anti-depressants ONLY because we decided we no longer share their religious beliefs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I could go on with how nasty some of the rumors have gotten, but there is really no need. I truly feel badly for you, and I know what it is like to be going through this. Unfortunately in our situation these were ALL of our close friends though are no longer. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Oh and in our situation, my 3 year-old daughter is also being snubbed by ALL of her friends except 1 child and their parents. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Needless to say, I am under a bit of stress at the moment.<br><br>
One of the stupid things that I worry about is that no one will visit me when the baby is born, I know this is dumb, but I think about it a lot.
 

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People are so freaking WEIRD. What the heck is wrong with them?!?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Man, the relgious stuff is tough. There is a racial element here too - in that "anglos" are a minority in the community - the community is mostly hispanic. In becoming Jewish, it seems we are now being cut off from the culture in which we were raised. I guess that happens - Judaism is a culture as well as a religion, but we didn't expect it. We didn't expect that every choice we made to be different would be construed as part of our religious beliefs. We didn't expect that being a little different would be such a big deal.<br><br>
I hope you find a new community to be happy in momgotspunk! My parents just went through a tough time when their church split in half. We were raised "no dancing, no contemporary music, etc." at this church - and then the pastor went through a personality shift, and suddenly dancing and drums are ok in church. The old timers had to leave the church and building they had poured their resources into for so many years and start a new church. Crazy stuff goes on...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wild.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wild"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Oh, I am so sorry! People can be so strange. Do they think that b/c your kids aren't vaxed that they HAVE the illnesses? duh!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
I'm sorry, I know it hurts, I've certainly had similar stuff happen. After I feel the anger and the hurt, I've always gone on to meet new friends- who are supportive and have a more similar philosophy.<br><br>
Good friends make life worthwhile!<br><br>
more <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> until you get to that point!
 

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That stinks the best of luck...I hate that we can't live in a world where we respect other people's beliefs. It sounds like with the vax that they don't want to educate themselves. Sending you hugs.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Sorry, I have to laugh at how stupid some people can be. Did you ask them why they were concerned about their child getting a disease from yours? I mean I'm sure their children are vaxed and everyone knows vaccines work.
 

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This sounds like something out of a Monty Python movie. Crazy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: How stupid are these people? And all that behind your back - do they have no backbone?<br><br>
Can you find new friends? (Seems you already did as you did not miss these ones....?) Or is it worth it trying to straighten some of this out?<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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Wow, that stinks. Makes me glad we don't live in the small towns DH & I grew up in. But it sounds like you're doing okay without these people... still, stinks to know that you're surrounded by such ignorant close-mindedness.
 

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Oh I believe it. The lack of respect regarding religious choices is why my parents and I have not spoken for more than a year. And that was way before we decided to convert to Judaism. They're in a church that even observes shabbos on saturday and doesn't eat unclean foods, but as soon as my husband and I decided to observe the festivals also they decided that meant we were going to hell and taking our poor children with us. They began trying to teach our children that we were doing something wrong, not to mention not respecting our other general parenting rules (like that we don't own a TV and are selective about what we let them watch in other ppl's homes). And we tried to talk to them to come to some sort of agreement many times, but they would agree and then do the same things again. So we ended up withdrawing contact, which is sad, but we really tried for years. It's been awhile but after we stopped talking they would drop things off on our doorstep with little pamphlets about cults and abusive relationships. I find out from my brother that they are convinced my DH is "making" me do things and I want to cry out for help but he has me so intimidated at home that I'm too scared to call them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Where do they get this stuff!!?? I've noticed ppl in their circle treat us differently, but luckily I don't see them that often. Because of all this we haven't told my family we're converting. My mother is crazy enough to make up something to call CPS about to try to get custody of the children so they don't go to hell and feel like she's doing a 100% good deed. And I so don't want to deal with that on top of being pregnant and studying for conversion. Think things will settle down once we move out of the same city. Funny thing is that DH's parents are catholic which is so much different and they really step back and let us do our own thing. Were even kind enough to do an all kosher shopping trip for us the last time we visited. MIL does send info about how "safe" vaccines are (she's a nurse practitioner), but she believes in herd immunity so she doesn't press too hard. And it's kind of understandable too because her brother is partially paralyzed from polio.<br><br>
Well, hope it gets better for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Wow. I am so sorry. That just stinks.<br><br>
Like you said, you have not missed these people in your lives, but still... I feel sad for them, being so narrow minded, because they are the ones missing out.<br><br>
My SIL gave me quite the look when she found out we don't vax, but nothing has been said since, and she hasn't tried to keep her kids away. Well, any more than usual anyway. (long story).<br><br>
As an aside, I find it really interesting that the most "religious" people find it perfectly ok to persecute others who don't believe as they do, all in the name of God, Jesus, or whomever. Especially with some of the so-called christians out there, I just want to ask them sometimes if they have ever actually read the bible, and if they really truly believe they are acting as their christ would act - because my impression from reading the bible was that Jesus was not like they are. At all. So sad.
 

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I don't know what to say...how awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with that. *hugs*
 

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Discussion Starter #20
You know I think it wouldn't bother me as bad if these were true religious people who truly thought we had put our souls in danger by converting to Judaism. But it really has nothing to do with that - we were just an easy target for gossip. Really we've been perfectly happy here without contact with these "friends", but it does make me sad for dh - these are people he grew up with and was close to at one time. I would have thought they could have at least had the nerve to question what they didn't understand, instead of just fabricating a big web of lies behind our backs. I had lunch with dh to get more of the story (he just told me all this right before he left for work this morning!) - and apparently they had me transporting to the hospital from our homebirth because I was dying (truth was I was perfectly fine and we transported as a precaution) and our baby was in the NICU because he was dying (truth was they were "observing" him and it was ridiculous) - and all this because our weird "Jewish" beliefs against medical care. It's all so silly; it's starting to get really funny! (I'm tempted to start playing along and start making up stories myself about that weird kosher food we eat and that spooky homeopathic medicine we take - LOL.)<br><br>
But yeah, we have other friends and other things to do, so it doesn't really matter - just really insulting to be the foder for someone's gossip. Ack, small towns - love em and hate em.
 
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