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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We work at the same company, and I'm the supervisor (obviously neither of us own or have stake in the company).<br><br>
I cannot supervise him in any way, no matter how gently. I can't ask him for updates on his work or make sure he's keeping up. If I do, it leads to a big blowup.<br><br>
He is now almost not working. I think he probably puts in between 5-10% of the work he needs. Probably closer to 5%. I am not kidding.<br><br>
I've been in the position of protecting him for too long. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. While I'm sure we could probably find another work situation, it would require a DRASTIC change. We would all lose health insurance, and we live in a state that requires it. We would have to move to another, unfamiliar state. I don't even know how to begin. Sell our home - and I do mean home, not house. I can't tell you how sad and stressed this makes me feel to even think about.<br><br>
Previously his work habits, or lack thereof, mostly affected him (except he'd ask me to bail him out if he had problems with a customer, which I now refuse to do even though that also guarantees a bad fight). But now they are affecting me. I have too much work and I need him to help. And I just got majorly yelled at by my boss for not doing something, that I needed his help on. It's a big deal, like I'm going to have to go in and explain myself. I don't even know what to say.<br><br>
My husband sounds like a real shit right now but other than this issue he's a model husband and father.<br><br>
I don't know what to do. Leave him? My heart breaks for our family. Quit and go from "doing ok" to food stamps and lose my home? Put my daughter in day care and let other people raise her? I'm at the end of my rope here.
 

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Obviously I'm not privy to the nuances of the situation, but from an outside perspective it sounds like your husband needs to find a new job. If you have a higher position in the company then I would assume you are the primary source of income and benefits. Rather than loose that and be forced to relocate, couldn't he look for a new job locally? I realize the concept may be upsetting to him, but perhaps dealing with this situation directly and once would mean that whatever strife it may cause in the short-term will be much less than the long-term impacts of the current situation.
 

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That sounds like a work-issue - can he not see how his failure to do his JOB is impacting not only him, but his relationship with you at work and away from work, and your family as a whole?<br><br>
I would try to get him transferred - a different position in the company, or something, so that you don't HAVE to supervise him. Otherwise, it sounds like he might need to look for another job, as I'm assuming you make more being higher up, and all. Otherwise his failures are going to be your failures because you are his supervisor.... I'd talk to your boss about it, if all your talks with him aren't bringing in results.....<br><br>
That's unfair for YOU to be stuck in that position.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If I fire him, then we'll be in the situation of needing to move, etc. I'm not even positive if I could keep my job myself if my boss feels I lost his trust by hiding it this long. So if we leave, I think it makes more sense for us to both quit. Actually, what I think makes sense is for him to do his job and stop resenting me and my boss. But I can't make him do that.<br><br>
It is, obviously, a very small company.
 

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I'm not usually a fan of ultimatums, but perhaps something along the lines of, "Look, I am totally serious, this has reached critical status. I cannot physically carry both of us at work anymore - you either need to do your job as it is described, you need to find another job, or we're BOTH going to get fired." In<br><br>
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
 

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I'm confused as to why HE can't find another job HE is willing to actually work at - are you saying your company is the only employer where you live? Why does him getting a new job mean that the whole family has to move? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Definitely, what makes the most sense is the he get his head out of the dark spot it's in and do his job without resentment, as that's what he's getting that lovely paycheck for....but it doesn't sound like he's willing. Ugh.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>earthymama2b</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913130"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm confused as to why HE can't find another job HE is willing to actually work at - are you saying your company is the only employer where you live? Why does him getting a new job mean that the whole family has to move? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br></div>
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Yeah, I don't get that part either. My answer would be 100% he needs to either do his job or find another one. But it sounds like there's something more to it.<br>
And why would your employer blame YOU if you and dh decided he needed to leave? I'm shocked that a company would allow a married couple to report to one another. That's just CRAZY.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>woobysma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913355"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm shocked that a company would allow a married couple to report to one another. That's just CRAZY.</div>
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I forgot, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: this too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Well, if we mutually decided DH should leave, I don't believe there would be an issue. However, DH will not leave, so that option is out.<br><br>
Yes, we would need to move because our local economy cannot sustain. It's a horrible job market. Jobs at WalMart and bagging groceries and flipping burgers are in very high demand because there's nothing else. Every few months in desperation I check out the job market, and there's just retail or secretarial work that is very hard to get because of the HUGE number of applicants (I've applied to about 30 of those jobs over the years and only got 2 interviews, and they both felt I was way overqualified) or stuff I don't qualify for (teaching at university or engineer down at the plant). The big joke is there is a small college but the kids burn rubber getting out of here when they graduate. There's nothing here. It's an old mill town with a bad economy. I am qualified to get another job in another location, I'm confident of that. But not here, not without losing our home at least.<br><br>
I didn't realize there was anything illegal about married couples working together, and not sure how telling me we're crazy is helping anything.
 

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Nearly all places of employment have some sort of nepotism clause in the employee handbook/SOP/Whatever the book of choice is. Dig it up and file an anonymous complaint against him. Maybe he'll be moved to another department.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912870"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We would all lose health insurance, and we live in a state that requires it. We would have to move to another, unfamiliar state. .</div>
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Ummm not every job offers health insurance, what the heck state do you live in? Medicaid is a federal program and if your job doesn't provide it and your income is not above your state Medicaid guidelines, then you can get it. Sorry but it doesn't sound possible for a state to <i>require</i> that everyone carry health insurance. That just is not a reality of life!<br><br>
Additionally I do not think you should have to choose between your husband and your job. One of you needs to be moved to a different position at the company. If I was in the same situation, I'd probably just quit. People before things, you know?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913508"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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I didn't realize there was anything illegal about married couples working together, and not sure how telling me we're crazy is helping anything.</div>
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Not you, the company you work for. It's not a good business practice, really.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I have to laugh. Company handbook? Anonymous complaint? Transfer to a different department?<br><br>
Unfortunately I never got around to writing a company handbook, too much other work. If I did, I can't imagine the level of detail that would be required to get that far. Would this be a 300 page handbook?<br><br>
Anonymous complaint? Hmm, dear boss, one of my three coworkers is bothering me. Please make it stop. This is written from my brand new Yahoo email to remain anonymous. When you poll all 4 of us as to who wrote it I'll just deny it. Thanks!<br><br>
Transfer to a different department? Lol, hon, now you are the vice president of ... er ... whatever, you decide.<br><br>
You must all work for huge conglomerates or something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama Poot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ummm not every job offers health insurance, what the heck state do you live in? Medicaid is a federal program and if your job doesn't provide it and your income is not above your state Medicaid guidelines, then you can get it. Sorry but it doesn't sound possible for a state to <i>require</i> that everyone carry health insurance. That just is not a reality of life!</div>
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Massachusetts. The law goes into effect in 3 weeks.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama Poot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Additionally I do not think you should have to choose between your husband and your job. One of you needs to be moved to a different position at the company. If I was in the same situation, I'd probably just quit. People before things, you know?</div>
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I think you're right. I think I need to get out of this. I'd rather keep my family and lose my home than the alternative. We're still a family no matter where we are.
 

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I'm confused how you are his boss yet rely on him for health benefits? Don't you have your own access to health insurance through your job? And how does one live in a state the REQUIRES health insurance? Never heard of that.
 

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<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:medium;"><span>Would couples therapy for this be an option?<br><br>
I'd try to explain to him (on personal time, of course - because then you're "equals") what you just went over with us (I know, easier said than done). Tell him it's either you both leave, or he leaves on his own. You can't fire him because of your boss (though I'm not sure why that can't be the case, I'm sure you've got that figured out); and if he doesn't leave, you're going to end up leaving out of frustration or getting fired yourself. Explain why that puts your family in a bad situation (the moving and stuff).<br><br>
If he's otherwise a good parent and partner and this is your only problem; I wouldn't be considering divorce. That doesn't solve the problem, it only leaves you to deal with the results on your own. If the consequences of his actions cause you to have to relocate, then he should be a part of that. Hopefully he understands before that happens and you're not left going "I told you so". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></span></span></span>
 

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<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:medium;"><span>OR....you could <i>try</i> firing him knowing that the result might be losing your job too and having to move; but there's also the possibility that the bossman will see that as a good thing and you wanting to improve a negative situation with the company. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: If you think about it, you don't really have anything to lose, it's all or nothin' either way, right? You could talk to your boss (take him out for lunch) and explain how it got so far out of control and ask if he has any suggestions.</span></span></span>
 
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