[Turkish Kate]

I've decided that I'm going back to work. DS is 2, MIL acts like she's 2, DH is little help around the house and I'm tired of it. I've applied to have my nursing license endorsed in FL, recreated my resume, applying for jobs, and wondering what's gonna happen. Can it get worse? Nah. Don't tell me.

 

[RiverSky]

Does your MIL live with you?

I don't think SAHM gets worse, I think that you are going through a bad period and it can only get better.

See....I guess my worry about be that things would be WORSE if I went back to work in your situation. I would think, either my child will be ignored and develop poor behaviors in daycare, or if my MIL were watching my child during the day (and I had issues with her), then I'd think there'd be a million ways she could annoy me that way, and if DH and MIL aren't helping as it is, they are still probably going to be expect me to do everything when I get home from work.

I'm sure ALL SAHMs have rough periods on occasion. Perhaps a family meeting might help, complete with a chart of "jobs" for everyone, to help alleviate your stress.

 

[hotmamacita]

Your Dh and MIL sound like they have issues. Do not allow them to distract you from what you want. Trust your instincts!

 

[Turkish Kate]

MIL is 85 with dementia and doesn't speak English. No help. DH's general response when I ask for help around the house is, "I'm not a maid." Hmmm . . . what does that make me? No daycare, DH is retired and will be the SAHP in charge of it all. I'll bring in the $$ and decide what to do with it. My instints are that if I don't get out of the house, I will end up killing someone. At least I'll be able to afford to hire someone to do the cleaning and it won't be an issue anymore. Uf.

 

[kiara7]

You do what you have to do for YOU.
No one appreciates us and dhs frequently think we are on vacation all day long just because we're home.

 

[EnchantedMamma]

I'm glad my mom was home with me, and I'm glad I went back to work with DS.

And I know if my mom had needed to go back to work, she would have done as I did and found the best situation for me as a baby.

I LOVE DS's daycare family. He is happy there, but I am still MAMA to him!

Actually, I kind of feel like he has two families. I love it.

I worried like crazy before I went back, but I am so glad I did. It's not all worst-case. Sometimes it is a best case scenario!

 

[bumbold]

You could try some kind of Job/activity/training where you were out of the house all day everyday for a week or two and just let DH deal. Don't do any of the house work when you get home, you are tired after a long day. See if he feels like he could use some help.

Or you could try getting out of the house a lot with DS. Join a co op day care where you are there a lot or something like that where you don't have to deal with DH and MIL all the time.

Good luck, in the end you have to do what is right for your family. You going crazy is not the right thing for any of you.

 

[RiverSky]

Then I think that your husband will learn to appreciate you more when you are working full time and he is in charge of the house and child care. I did end up working full time for six months, while DH stayed home with our children (it took him that long to get a really good job) and it was a really great benefit to our lives for him to really experience what it is like to be the stay-at-home parent. By the time it was all over, I was once again ready to stay home with my children full time.

 

[zinemama]

Sounds like you are making a good choice. Good luck!

 

[hotmamacita]

Does your MIL live with you? Is your husband home all day, too, and just does not do anything?

 

[earthmama369]

I think it sounds like you have a plan. Good luck and I hope your dh straightens up!

 

[hotmamacita]

How are you TK? How is the job search coming along?

 

[Turkish Kate]

This whole thing would be much easier if I could actually *find*a job. Uf.

 

[hotmamacita]

I am not so sure that a job is going to make your family dynamics better or easier for you. Do you have access to marriage or individual counseling while you are looking for a job?

 

[newbymom05]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotmamacita I am not so sure that a job is going to make your family dynamics better or easier for you. Do you have access to marriage or individual counseling while you are looking for a job?

Yehhh, not to be a downer, but won't you just end up doing everything plus working? I mean, I'd love a maid but don't get one because I know it'd be a mess 2 hrs later. Although at least you'll be away from your MIL for a bit...

Good luck. If nothing else being the SAHP should give your DH a reality check! My DH only had to be the SAHP for 3 DAYS while I was in the hospital, and it was like hitting a light switch. He was always helpful and appreciative, but that was a wake up call for him that SAHP can be a lot of stress along w/ the joy.

 

[Turkish Kate]

The family dynamic isn't going to change until MIL dies. She is our biggest stressor and it doesn't seem like that's going to happen for quite a while. In the meantime, I was offered a position, doing what I want to do, where I want to do it, for the hours that I want, and at the pay rate I was asking for. How kewl is that? Now, off to find a maid.

 

[newbymom05]

Hey, that's great! Hope things get better w/ the MIL.

 

[ernalala]

Good for you! Didn't take you that long after all to find something? How does the news break at home? I hope you'll get the support you need, for your descision, and also practically when you start your woh.
I can imagine that the stress of at home caretaking of a needy (elderly) family member can affect your (family) life and relationships greatly.
Just as is the reality with newborns and children changing dynamics greatly, but there you still have the outlook of children growing up and getting less dependent, not more.