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It's something to do, a place to go, a place to belong. I try to escape the pain of missing my baby, but I haven't found respite yet. I have been writting in my blog which I suppose helps, but I am so very alone.<br><br>
I feel like I did something wrong. I feel embarassed, ashamed, like I flunked baby making 101. I feel old and inadequate.<br><br>
This is pain I have never experienced before, and hope never to experience again.
 

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It will take time... You will have a need to question, to wonder, to even blame, it helps the process. It make help you to know that this is something that we don't "get over", but learn how to live with. Not something we can escape, but at some point we learn to embrace the experience and try to use it for good. I can tell you these things, but you will come to your answers yourself, you did nothing wrong, and you are not to blame. I pray that you will find some peace in your heart...<br><br>
I have experienced loss and I have helped families dealing with loss.<br><br><a href="http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/LossID.html" target="_blank">http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/LossID.html</a><br><br><a href="http://www.mend.org/home_index.asp" target="_blank">http://www.mend.org/home_index.asp</a><br><br><a href="http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/" target="_blank">http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/</a><br><br><a href="http://www.october15th.com/" target="_blank">http://www.october15th.com/</a><br><br><br>
Lots of great resources at this sites.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
~Wanda
 

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nothing to add just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and hoping you find peace soon<br><br>
tara
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I went through a lot of that awful shame thing too. To be honest, I am still going through it, but it is getting better.<br><br>
It's OK to feel that way. I hope you know, in your head anyway, that it wasn't your fault, that you are worthwhile and special whether you're pregnant or not. BUT that doesn't take away the feelings, and they hurt. I did find something that helped--besides all the talking w friends and time alone and taking good care etc etc; IF you want an idea, read on, but I don't want to give advice if you just need listening more, so you can stop here if you want.<br><br>
This is what I did that helped me, though I was embarrassed to do it, or to need to do it: I made a picture frame--just a big rectangle of paper--and spent some time coloring the edges (crayon) with pretty designs, and figures of people to represent all the people who have been thinking of me.... and then I put a little paper label at the bottom, like a caption, that said "inherent worth and dignity--that is, beloved child of god." (the language that works for me) and I taped it to the bathroom mirror where every time I look in the mirror (something that was really hard for me to do) I see myself in this frame that says I am worthwhile the way I am. At first it was hard to look into. But it was a few times each day that I said on purpose to myself, "I am loved." On bad days, I could imagine someone kinder than me looking out thru my eyes and loving me, even when I couldn't.<br><br>
Maybe this isn't something that would help you, or maybe not yet, but I wanted to share it in case it is. I am always trying to think my way out of this stuff, but what really helps me is to do something weird and non-intellectual that speaks to my heart.
 

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I do too sometimes. I am also on another forum - <a href="http://www.nationalshareoffice.com" target="_blank">http://www.nationalshareoffice.com</a> which is a great site. There is a little more daily activity.<br><br>
May you find peace in your own way.<br><br>
Kristi
 
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