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I'm so sorry.

I went through a lot of that awful shame thing too. To be honest, I am still going through it, but it is getting better.

It's OK to feel that way. I hope you know, in your head anyway, that it wasn't your fault, that you are worthwhile and special whether you're pregnant or not. BUT that doesn't take away the feelings, and they hurt. I did find something that helped--besides all the talking w friends and time alone and taking good care etc etc; IF you want an idea, read on, but I don't want to give advice if you just need listening more, so you can stop here if you want.

This is what I did that helped me, though I was embarrassed to do it, or to need to do it: I made a picture frame--just a big rectangle of paper--and spent some time coloring the edges (crayon) with pretty designs, and figures of people to represent all the people who have been thinking of me.... and then I put a little paper label at the bottom, like a caption, that said "inherent worth and dignity--that is, beloved child of god." (the language that works for me) and I taped it to the bathroom mirror where every time I look in the mirror (something that was really hard for me to do) I see myself in this frame that says I am worthwhile the way I am. At first it was hard to look into. But it was a few times each day that I said on purpose to myself, "I am loved." On bad days, I could imagine someone kinder than me looking out thru my eyes and loving me, even when I couldn't.

Maybe this isn't something that would help you, or maybe not yet, but I wanted to share it in case it is. I am always trying to think my way out of this stuff, but what really helps me is to do something weird and non-intellectual that speaks to my heart.
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