[sagewinna]

<p>We found out Monday that our almost 10 week baby measured 6+ weeks and had no heartbeat. Tuesday I started miscarrying. This is the first time I have lost a baby, and I didn't expect it to physically hurt so much or for there to be so much blood and so many clots! Holy moley, Even my cervix was twitchy/pulsing. I thought they would never ever stop coming. I kept thinking that it felt so much like labor, and that I was having this baby where I had my youngest, at home.</p>
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<p>It has decreased a lot, thankfully. Last night I started thinking that I'd never be able to be off the toilet again, every time I moved there was another clot coming out.</p>
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<p>My midwife is coming in a while to check my iron levels and stuff. My cervix feels really weird so I am going to ask her to look at it, it feels like a piece of something is hanging out of the middle of it but I think it's a piece of me.</p>
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<p>I really, really appreciate this forum. Reading all of the stories helped me so much to prepare for this. I hate this sisterhood of loss but I am grateful for it as well.</p>

 

[littlecityfarmer]

<p>Healing wishes to you<span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>

 

[KristaDJ]

<p>I hope the worst is over for you, mama and I wish you a gentle recovery ((((((((((hugs)))))))))</p>

 

[chrstene]

<p>Gosh, I just "somewhat" had this conversation with my DH today.  THis is my 4th m/c and second I am trying to naturally have at home.  BUT NOONE told me it would be like this.....well, no one except the honest and brave mothers here at MDC.  Any dr or m/w that has told me what to expect would either say NOTHING or say the "it will be like a heavy period for a few days" nonsense ! </p>
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<p>It hurts.  It hurts emotionally and physically.  There is a LOT of blood...enough to scare you sometimes.  The clots you pass can be really big.  I never expected the very first clot I passed to be bigger than my cellphone.  The contractions HURT.  Sometimes maybe they are like very intense period cramps...but most times they are CONTRACTIONS and they hurt.  You both anticipate AND fear what you will see - and how you will react.  Will you see the baby?  Won't you see the baby?  How will you REALLY handle that?  I'm still wondering if I will really know when I pass the placenta.   Standing up after sitting down, in front of people, is a whole new stress because you can feel some huge clot that you are afraid the pad is not going to catch.  You fear for your children who you are home with alone because you feel lightheaded and may even feel like you are going to pass out at times.  Your husband has NO idea what this "feels" like because he has never experienced it....and (myself) you are not too eager to share as  much of the experience as you do when there is JOY connected at the end of a live birth.  You feel very alone.  You have no control.   I didn't expect it to take so long.  Honestly, makes a D&C a little appealing.  I never expected that so many people would NOT understand or empathize/sympathize with this loss.  I read on another post here that a woman got more sympathy, cards, etc...when she lost her pet dog than when she lost her unborn child !  REALLY ???  Most people don't want to talk about it....it's like an "off-limit" subject.  I want to scream in their face "HEY, I've lost a child....does anyone want to recognize that or let me talk about it"????  </p>
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<p>Well, I suppose I could go on.....and on....</p>
<p>but your post just really hit the nail on the  head.  I didn't expect it either ! </p>
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[SoCaliMommy]

<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> </span> <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>healing wishes to you, hope the worst is over for you.</span></p>
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[sagewinna]

<p>Chrstene, yeah, I can totally relate!</p>
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<p>Well, I have low iron levels so I am taking iron now, and the thing I felt in my cervix was stuck tissue, yay. She has me taking a low dose of methergine to help get everything expelled.</p>
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<p>I am feeling like I can see the end of the tunnel maybe for the physical stuff, thankfully.</p>

 

[cparkly]

<p>I am so sorry, mama. It is a cruel twist to go through all of the stages of labor and have "nothing" to show for it. No new baby smell to soothe a sore body. </p>
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<p>I am thankful that I still have a nursling. I cannot imagine going through these losses without my small one to cradle to my breast and hold close at night. DS is two and a half (today!) but is still a real snuggler.</p>