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My daughter is 2 years old, and we have yet to live by ourselves...I moved in with my parents right before having her, then we shared a big house with 2 other families, and currently we're living with one roommate. I've been looking forward to the day when we can finally have our own place, but for the past week we've been staying alone, petsitting, at a friend's house, and it's not as perfect as I envisioned. I feel so vulnerable and constantly worry. Night is the worst. When I was pregnant with my daughter, someone tried to break into my parent's house when I was home alone over there, and I think it all goes back to that. I have a major fearfulness of it happening again. This week, a picture on a wall crashed down in another room one night, and I flipped out. Another day, someone rang the doorbell(as the would-be robber did before trying to break in), and I nearly had a panic attack.<br>
I'm really worried that this is going to prevent me from being happy with wherever I'm living--if I always have roommates, I'll miss all the fun and convenience of having our own place, and if I live alone I feel like I'll constantly live in fear. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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I'll be honest. I HATE living alone.<br><br>
But the fears do get better. I don't wake up with every creak and groan I hear...and when I do, I don't freak out as easily.<br><br>
Is there anyonew who can stay with you as you settle in? I know having my sister with me (even though she was 16 or 17 at the time) helped me out a lot--someone to distract you, to just be there.<br><br>
Best Wishes,<br>
Kelly
 

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I <i>love</i> living alone! When DH was alive he would travel out of state for 2-4 months almost every summer, (prekids, so I was REALLY alone then!)<br><br>
after he died, it was kind of scary some nights. but I have since gotten very used to living with just my 2 littles. I have 2 scary looking rottwielers too, which helps! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
feeling vulnerable is totally normal. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh yeah, to add to the PP, some things are AWESOME about living alone.<br><br>
I don't get bitched at if there are dishes in the sink....<br><br>
I can cook whatever DS and I want to eat without there having to be a dead cow or chicken on the plate (not that I'm veg*n, but, damn...not every meal has to have animal to qualify as a meal!)...<br><br>
I can walk around nekkid without anyone seeing me...<br><br>
I can read a book in the living room without football or ESPN or BET blaring...<br><br>
I control the temperature, so if I want it 80 degrees, it's 80. If I want to let the autumn air in at night, then the window is open--no debates, fights, nada...<br><br>
i can decorate how I like-no sports magazines on the coffee table, my fertility statues can grace the shelves, etc<br><br>
So, yeah, it's a double edged sword.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RockStarMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9820448"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This week, a picture on a wall crashed down in another room one night, and I flipped out. Another day, someone rang the doorbell(as the would-be robber did before trying to break in), and I nearly had a panic attack.</div>
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This sounds like post traumatic stress syndrome to me, which makes perfect sense given the event you experienced. I wonder if you have any possibility of getting counseling with someone who specializes in PTSD?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Zeta</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9821567"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This sounds like post traumatic stress syndrome to me, which makes perfect sense given the event you experienced. I wonder if you have any possibility of getting counseling with someone who specializes in PTSD?</div>
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I was going to suggest the same thing.<br><br>
I have always loved living alone, though I do get a little twitchy some nights now that I live in a city. There are some great posts in the Why I Love being a Single Mom sticky about the benefits of having your own place.
 

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I'm with you, it does feel more vulnerable when you are living alone with kids. This is coming from someone who lived outdoors and hitched all over the country as a teenager! There is something about being the only responsible party that sets my mind whirring. I do third the ptsd idea, though. It sounds like you really want your own place, but the fear is standing in your way!
 

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I love love LOVE living alone. You get to make all the choices, nobody else makes messes or moves your stuff around. You don't have to accomodate anyone. You can go out or invite someone over when you want company but when you want to be alone it's just that easy.<br><br>
I think it may have to do with being a bit oblivious, and because I've never had my place broken into, but I just am not afraid living alone. It helps that I'd always lived having friends and my parents as neighbours, or that I just have great neighbours. I found at first it took some getting used to, but after you get into a routine you find things that you do every night and you just get used to the noises your house makes. I would do what pp's have suggested and try to get some counseling for ptsd because it sounds like you have some very serious fears, but hopefully you can fix that<br><br>
But even if you don't find a way to get over those fears, maybe it doesn't matter. You don't have to live alone if you don't want to. The bonus is at least it's usually cheaper to have roommates!
 

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I also love living alone, but one thing that I think makes a little bit of difference to me is that I live in a high rise building. I don't worry about someone climbing in the windows, and if I screamed loud enough plenty of people would hear me.<br><br>
I wonder whether the type of accomodation you live in would make a difference? Would you feel better in an apartment or a duplex?
 

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btw, a nice heavy baseball bat next to your bed at night will help reassure you too. (at least it does me!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I live out in the country in the middle of nowhere. I think I'd be more scared in a city/larger metro area personally.
 

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I hada person try and break in once. then a week later i was living alone by myself. I ended up moving and that helped. to a very small strudy hose without a lot of windows.<br><br>
Now I am ok being by myself but it took a while.<br><br>
perhaps if you moved into an apartment you would feel better. they generally have fewer entry ways and windows and people are clsoe by but not living with you. Also if you get a basement apartment or a second floor you have an added bonus of more security. sorta. basements feel more secure but I guess aren't really.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> it is so hard getting over feeling insecure when someone has violate your safe space.
 
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