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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My little 12 week old ds screams all the time. It seems to start when I try to nurse him. I've got ideas about why that happens but I can't seem to find a remedy to any of it. He also has a cough right now that isn't helping matters. But he screams all the time anyway. This started when we was about 8 weeks...that's when he "woke up". He screams uless I walk him around. I can hardly sit down all day long which makes me feel like I'm neglecting my poor almost 3 year old boy. Yesterday my 3 year old got all weird and winey with me and I got out of him that he was mad at the baby because I pay too much attention to him. He then refused to let me change his poopy diaper. He was thrashing around and acting crazy, the baby was in the other room screaming his head off. I pinned him down, hollered at him, and slapped his bottom. I'm crying as I'm writting this because I feel like such a horrible mom. I feel like I"m neglecting both of my kids and that I don't know how to provide for either of them. My younger boy seems to be tortured by nursing and that kills me. DH is frustrated with me because I'm a mess and I try and vent all my sad feelings to him and he trys to fix them. I don't want that. All I want is a hug and to let me cry and rage. That's why I'm here...typing and crying. I don't feel bonded to my little baby because I'm so messed up over this. He screams. Loud and hard and often. I'm calling the dr. tomorrow but I don't know what I'm going to tell her. I am sure that I'll walk away from there with no more info than I can get on my own.<br>
Baby woke up at 4:30am screaming for 45 minutes. The only way he would settle down is by me walking him around. I don't understand. I get it that being upright may make him feel better (especially if this whole deal has to do with reflux) but walking around?? Why? He won'd except comfort any other way. I have a wrap that I love thank goodness but my back and my toddler can only take so much.<br><br>
I have to go. Gotta make lunch. I had my husband finish the chili for the crockpot and I still have to tell him where to find everything. The house is a huge mess...most of it mine. I left my husband upstairs with the baby (who will cry soon), the toddler whom I made mad and whiney from telling him to pick up a toy, and lunch to be made. I hope his is loosing it. If he isn't I'm gonna give MYSELF up for adoption.<br><br>
I am a horrible mother I think right now.<br><br>
SOrry for the rant.
 

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You are not a bad momma - <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Do you have a LC you can see? Is there something in your diet that DS2 could be allergic to?<br><br>
As for needing to be moving and held - Are you wearing? If not it may help you free up your hands.<br><br>
I know you feel really tapped out, but is there a way you can work individual time into the day for DS1? You already know this as stated in you post, but it sounds to me that he just really misses his 'me time' with mom.<br><br>
More hugs - and hang in there
 

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oh honey, big hugs to you. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have a baby who needs constant comfort. my babes at least could be comforted in the sling while i tended to older kids.<br><br>
you are not a bad mom, you are just at the enmd of your rope. i reached mine this week with pure exhaustion from 11month old nursing all night, and me not sleeping for the last 11 months. ya know what though, i lost it, completely in tears talking to dh(who also tries to fix everything event hough sometiimes i jsut need him to loose it with me. noone wants to be nuts by themselves, lol)and the next day, i got up, and i did what i needed to . i nursed her all night, with very little sleep. i know it feels like it will never get better, asnd i know it feels like you just can't do it, but you will. you will. talk to your 3 year old, and tell him you are sorry. give him big hugs, and tell him that you are trying to figure it out, but you will figure it out. you will figure out how to be ther for him, and the baby. you will, you just haven't yet, and that is ok.<br><br>
big ginormous hugs to you. take a deep breath, maybe a nice bath. don't worry about the mess. it will get picked up eventually. you are nmore important right now. your needs, and you kids needs.<br><br><br>
sending some mama love, and good mellow vibes to you!
 

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My DS would let out a little cry every time I put him to my right breast. Turned out he had torticollis (wry neck) and was experiencing pain each time he had to turn his head up that way to reach my breast on that side.<br><br>
Also, he has sensory issues and despite enjoying tumbling forward and being held up high he has a huge aversion to being placed on his back for diaper changes or being in a swing. (This actually did not start at birth so perhaps there is a certain level of development that must occur before they can start to feel this kind of <i>gravitational insecurity</i>.) This all has happened with my DS who is otherwise a perfectly happy child.<br><br>
Try to notice the patterns and discuss them with your pediatrician. Your child could have sensory issues or a phsycial problem (e.g. torticollis) that could be causing the crying.
 

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I saw that a previous post of yours was about GERD - My baby has had significant feeding issues ranging from GERD to aspiration to bottle aversion. Just tell the doctor how the feeds have been going. My son would arch and cry during feeds too, until we found a medicine that worked for him (I, too, didn't care to give him anything unnatural, but the only thing that has worked for us is a hefty dose of Prevacid. I much prefer this to seeing him in pain all the time - now all we have to deal with is the aversion.)<br><br>
I know how you feel. When DS was 3.5 months old, I had a nervous breakdown because everytime I went to feed him (by bottle - he never did learn to latch because it wasn't safe to breastfeed him due to the aspiration), he would cry for 30 seconds to 2 HOURS before he would take the bottle, reluctantly and arching. It's an awful situation and heartbreaking to see your child going through such pain. I often wondered why this was happening to <i>me</i> as well, and wished things could be otherwise. Also, my DS would often cry unless he was in our arms, moving. I think he just got bored when we were sitting. Do you have someone who helps you out at home? That's what helped me the most with all these issues.<br><br>
If you want extra help, you can come over to the special needs forum. There's lots of mamas there who have feeding issues, and there's a recent thread about them.<br><br>
I hope you find some answers - hang in there. It gets better - although the ride itself is truly difficult. Mamas want to see their babies eating. As a side note, reflux typically onsets about a month and a half, so two months is fairly average if that happens to be your problem. Also, if you prefer to try the natural route first, you might try probiotics to help him digest his food. Perhaps you can find a naturopath or an osteopathic pediatrician who can help you. We tried the probiotics and craniosacral therapy, but they weren't strong enough to tackle DS's troubles. It took us about two months to really get his feeds under control, and we're still having issues.
 

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Imvista's post reminded me that my mom told me about her co-worker's baby that screamed all the time and after a couple visits to the chiropractor, was completely fine.<br><br>
I know you said you didn't want your problem "fixed", just to vent, I figured I'd throw that in anyway.<br><br>
You are absolutely NOT a bad mom!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I have calmed down a bit.<br><br>
About seeing a LC about the nursing...<br>
I have consulted with my LLL leader already. I'm pretty sure my son have issues with my overactive letdown. I'm almost positive about that. I also think he may not be getting enough sleep. I do wear him in a wrap...all day...and I can't imagine what mothers with more than one child do without some sort of carrier. But it hurts me after a while and when I get him good and asleep, I put him in his bouncy seat and he wakes up pretty quickly. His sleep is getting pretty organized now though...meaning 3 distinguishable naps. But I really have to work with him on every one to get an hour or 2 of sleep in him. One day I just resign myself to carry him through pretty much all of his nap times and only set him down after he's already had a sufficient amount of sleep. That works well. But, the next day my back suffers and I'm not able to do it again. I'll try again, and again, and again though. I love my babies so much. I think of my older son and all I can remember are the peaceful nursings and just love love love. It takes alot to remember the times I would practically throw his crying body at my husband saying "take him before I throw him outside."<br>
I am a good mother. My older son (eventhough he sounded like a real pain in the a$$ in my orginal post) is such a sweet and mellow, smart, well mannered boy. I'm so proud of him. I'm proud of me too because I had something to do with that. This is just really hard right now.<br><br>
I just need to know that we all loose it sometimes.<br><br>
I feel bad that I always see threads saying "I'm not bonding with my baby" or " I don't like my baby" and such. I never respond before because I really hadn't been there and done that. Not really. I think I'm there right now.<br>
Thanks so much to all of you for giving me a boost.<br><br>
Now I am off to releive dh and take his place in bed with our older ds for a "nap" (he doesn't nap anymore really, just lays down. Life would be easier if he did though).<br>
Ds asked for Mama to lay down with him. This is the one area that my company trumps dh's. Love those snuggles at any age
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rag & bone gal</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7271196"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">(I, too, didn't care to give him anything unnatural, but the only thing that has worked for us is a hefty dose of Prevacid. I much prefer this to seeing him in pain all the time</div>
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I am willing to try it...at this point I agree it is better than just wondering why he might be in pain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>runner29</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7271200"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Imvista's post reminded me that my mom told me about her co-worker's baby that screamed all the time and after a couple visits to the chiropractor, was completely fine.<br><br>
I know you said you didn't want your problem "fixed", just to vent, I figured I'd throw that in anyway.<br><br>
You are absolutely NOT a bad mom!</div>
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Yup, gonna call the chiro tomorrow as well.<br><br>
Nope, I don't mind yall trying to fix my problem. Dh just buggs me when he does it. Yes it is because I am a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: woman!
 

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Glad you've calmed down and thinking of solutions. And yes, I think we all lose it sometimes, so go easy on yourself.<br><br>
Another thing to consider, thrush. Your babe's behavior sounds like what my ds went through. He had no signs of thrush when it first started. By the time I figured it out, he was really miserable. Just a thought to help you, I hope.<br><br>
Take care.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoebe</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7270856"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My younger boy seems to be tortured by nursing and that kills me.</div>
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I felt the exact same way with my dd. Turns out she was traumatized by deep suctioning done after birth for meconium staining, and nursing (I had a very strong letdown) triggered the trauma. You can read our story <a href="http://shasta.blogsome.com/2006/06/06/birth-story-part-9-epilogue-for-m/" target="_blank">here</a>. If you think this applies, you can find a <a href="http://www.iahe.com/html/therapies/cst.jsp" target="_blank">craniosacral therapist</a> <a href="http://www.upledger.com/home.htm" target="_blank">here</a> (look for one with lots of training ... CSI and II, SERI and the peds class at an absolute bare minimum). If you live in SE Michigan, PM me and I'll direct you to the people who helped us.<br><br>
You might also find <a href="http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connection.html" target="_blank">this article</a> on crying in arms to be helpful. It has been discussed before at MDC ... you can read some threads <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=403845&highlight=overlooked+healing+benefits" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=487907&highlight=can+we+talk+re%3A+solter" target="_blank">here</a>.<br><br>
Good luck mama. I know how incredibly difficult this is. I cannot imagine having to deal with this situation AND an older child. Many <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s for you.
 
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