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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Once again, dh has gotten really angry about something, and scared me. This time he threw a plate at/near me when I was holding dd on the stairs - he was about 2 steps up. It broke against the wall next to us. Then he threw his glass of ice water on us. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Last time I stayed with a friend for 3 days (with dd). He started taking his meds. Sometime between then and now, he stopped taking them- they're anti-anxiety, and he forgets. Or says he forgets. He's said often enough that he doesn't need them, but they do help.

I swore next time he did something like this I would leave longer than a few days. My parents live across the country, and I'm pretty sure they'd welcome dd and I to visit for as long as we needed.

Dh has been under a lot of stress lately. These outbursts don't happen that often, but when they do they scare dd and me. They really freak out my stepsons if they happen to be around. He's been sort of rough with the boys on occasion - pushing them down on the couch, screaming, that sort of thing. What scares me is what could have happened - I could have fallen down the stairs with dd, a piece of glass plate could have hit one of us in the eye.

Do I leave? Stay? We've done counseling in the past, but the outbursts are so rare, and the anger dissipates so quickly that counseling hasn't been that effective. I don't know what to do. Usually dh is kind, attentive, a good husband and dad. But every once in a while he freaks out on me.
 

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Go see your parents for a while. Take dd. Let his ex-wife know what you are doing and why so she can protect her boys.

You'll have to tell dh why but I don't know how to tell you to have that conversation.
 

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I agree. You should go stay with your parents for a while. Honestly, if my dh did something like that, I'd be moving to my parents' permanently. That could've really hurt you and/or your dd. Your dh being stressed is no excuse for that type of behavior!
 

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I think I'd go to my parents too. If this was the first time and it was not at all normal then I'd maybe try to work through it with him but it sounds like you've already done that. You are right that the outcome could've been way worse.
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Did he do things like this to his ex? If he did then I think maybe this is something that may not change unless he takes some pretty drastic steps.


Things like this can become life threatening in seconds even if you dh never meant to hit you with the plate, one accident could be too many, you know. Don't let him get away with this. I think it's very important for him to see that you won't tolerate his outbursts.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Doodlebugsmom View Post
I agree. You should go stay with your parents for a while. Honestly, if my dh did something like that, I'd be moving to my parents' permanently. That could've really hurt you and/or your dd. Your dh being stressed is no excuse for that type of behavior!

Exactly. I grew up in an abusive household, I won't tolerate anyone that can't control their emotions
 

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By rare, do you mean like once a decade, once a year, once a month, or what?

Or, forget that, it's irrelevant anyway, since he has already directly threatened your and your daughter's safety. I do agree that you really should follow through on going to your parents'.
 

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You have to leave. One, he put you and your child in serious danger. He either lost control or he made a calculated move to intimidate and potentially hurt you both, and he was ok with that risk. Either way, that's REALLY not ok. Two, last time you said this would be the result of his action. He did it. You need to follow through. It's a logical consequence and it's a necessary one. He can't be trusted right now to treat you well and keep you safe -- you plural. You have a child to protect. You also have a marriage to try to salvage (if you want), and there's no way that staying will salvage it. It will only tell him that you will cave and he can do it again, or do worse.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
By rare, do you mean like once a decade, once a year, once a month, or what?

Or, forget that, it's irrelevant anyway, since he has already directly threatened your and your daughter's safety. I do agree that you really should follow through on going to your parents'.
It's about once every 8-10 months. Last time was in the summer of last year.

I called my parents, and they said we can stay for as long as we need to. I'm broken up about this, about our marriage, the danger he put dd in. I love him, so much. But not enough to endanger my daughter. She is the world to me, and doesn't deserve to be scared or hurt.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
These outbursts don't happen that often, but when they do they scare dd and me. They really freak out my stepsons if they happen to be around. He's been sort of rough with the boys on occasion - pushing them down on the couch, screaming, that sort of thing. What scares me is what could have happened - I could have fallen down the stairs with dd, a piece of glass plate could have hit one of us in the eye.
THAT's the key - what COULD have happened. I think it's really important for you to distance yourself from him until he gets (and stays in) serious help. I second the thought about filing a report. It's just a "formality" in case he gets upset with you for leaving - now or ever. But it could save you in the future.

Think about what you'd tell a friend to do if the same thing happened to her. I am so sorry for what you're going through.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by gsd1amommy View Post
Shouldn't you make a police report before you go? You might need it to show proof that there is a reason to take your daughter away in an effort to protect her.
:
 

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This will escalate. Even if it didn't, it's just luck that one of you wasn't hurt by the glass. Please be safe, file the report, and leave. I'm scared for you! I agree with the pp to tell the ex-wife so she can protect her kids. Scary.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
My plane tickets are purchased. Dh reluctantly agreed. He won't make a fuss about it.

I can't say how much I appreciate being able to get everyone's thoughts. You gave me the courage to do this. Thank you.
 

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Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
My plane tickets are purchased. Dh reluctantly agreed. He won't make a fuss about it.

I can't say how much I appreciate being able to get everyone's thoughts. You gave me the courage to do this. Thank you.
Thinking of you.
 

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I think that the problem is not his anger, it is his forgetting/feeling like he doesn't need his medication. I think that it is possible for you to stay together if he stays on his medication, but that you should be always be prepared to leave if he goes off of it.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
I think that the problem is not his anger, it is his forgetting/feeling like he doesn't need his medication. I think that it is possible for you to stay together if he stays on his medication, but that you should be always be prepared to leave if he goes off of it.

She and her daughter should not have to stay on high alert, ready to flee at a moment's notice while he decides whether or not he is going to or should take his medication. He's a grown man. He has proven that he can't be responsible for remembering medication that keeps him from throwing a plate at his wife and daughter and following that up with throwing a glass of ice water on them.
 
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