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My friend just lost her 2nd baby to placenta abruptio. She lost her daughter at 22 weeks late October last year. She just lost her son at 24 weeks last night. She has a 2 year old son.<br><br>
I don't know what to say. Or do. Except tell her I'm here for her and to take her son so she can have time to grieve.<br><br>
I feel uncomfortable because my daughter is 6 months old.<br><br>
What can I do?
 

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I lost my daughter to placental abruption at 37 weeks. Talk to her. The weirdest thing was that my friends who had been my friends since 1st grade wouldn't ask me anything about my daughter or how I was doing for awhile afterwards. It's an awful misconception that the mama won't be comfortable talking about it or you should just brush it under the rug b/c it would be too painful to talk about it (not saying that you would, btw). Ask her how she's doing. Let her talk about her feelings if she wants. And please, please don't think anything you do for her will make her more sad. She has lost 2 children now and there is nothing worse than burying your own child(ren).<br><br>
BTW, I know you probably want to help all you can, but I'd be careful about caring for her son so she can have time to grieve. Only if she asks would I do it. My son is about the only consistent thing that has helped me in the healing process. He was terribly traumatized by his sister's death and yet, I needed him way more than he needed me. I wouldn't have let anyone take him.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s to your friend. She is lucky to have you!!
 

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"I'm so sorry you're going through this"<br><br>
"Would you like to talk about it, or would you like me to talk about something else?"<br><br>
"Would you like some company?"<br><br>
"Can I bring over some soup/cookies/etc?"<br><br>
"How are you honestly doing?"<br><br>
"You can call on me, whatever you need."<br><br>
Take her a plant, magazines, food. Give her space, if that's what she needs. Give her a shoulder to cry on, if that's what she needs. Please don't stay away.<br><br>
There is no 'right' thing to do or say, it's all very individual. Just follow your friend's lead, and be available to her. Bless you for asking what you can do...you are a good friend.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Keri
 

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Also "It's okay to feel angry, sad, cheated, etc, etc, etc - whatever you feel it's okay."<br><br>
There are so many things that went through my mind when I found out I was losing this baby. Things that I'd never thought I'd think. Things that surprised me and maybe didn't even make sense or may not be important at all to anyone, but being able to say them out loud to DH so that he knew everything that I had thought or felt really, really made me feel better. He just listened and didn't object, criticize, say I shouldn't feel this way or that, he just listened and said everything would be alright. I was glad that someone else knew all the thoughts that were going through my mind, that I wasn't just re-hashing them over and over alone and going through things no one else would ever know.
 
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