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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is just a long vent, skip it if you want.

I am at the end of my rope. I can't deal with him anymore. Today is one of the few days I've ever wanted to pack Owen up, hunt down his dad, hand him over, and tell HIM to deal with DS for a while. Of course, I would never do it, but oh to daydream. I could actually clean my apartment and maybe even *gasp* wash my hair! The last few days (since Saturday) have been from hell. DS is acting up and I don't know why. All sorts of sensory crap going on. Spinning constantly, running into walls over and over again bruising up his face, throwing fits like you wouldn't believe, banging his head on the floor/wall/anything he can get to. He's not sleeping well (he's not taking naps and waking multiple times at night), he's getting worse with his eating (he has texture issues and is getting worse and narrowing down what he actually will eat). I just don't even know how to deal with him anymore.

Today was the straw that broke this camels back. I was cleaning up the living room. DS wanted to play with playdough. Fine. I get it all set up for him at his picnic table in the kitchen. So I'm cleaning up the living room and peeking in on him every few minutes. All fine, until I hear the inevitable crashing sound. Look in and he's thrown all his playdough and "tools" onto the floor. He does this often. He'll be playing with something then start flinging his hands around until the space is cleared. I don't know if he's doing this on purpose or if something else is going on. I was already in a foul mood but tried to remain calm while I asked him to help me pick it up. He chose, instead, to run around stomping on all the playdough on the floor. I don't know what got into me. But I yelled. A lot. I felt like grabbing him and just giving him a good whack. I didn't (thank G*d), but the look on his face when I started yelling was horrible
I feel so guilty for making my baby cry. I'm bawling as I write this because I don't know where that reaction came from. I'm normally a calm person. I don't fret over messes. It was such a small, stupid thing that set me off.

If he'd freaking TELL me what he wanted it wouldn't be so d*mn hard. But he just whines and whines. When I ask what he wants he whines some more. I have to play a guessing game hoping I guess right before the tears start flowing. He's got maybe a dozen words. Only uses a handful of those in any given day (ma, no, woah, wow, and more are the ones he says most right now). He knows a lot of signs, used to use them, but basically refuses to now.

Right now he's running full force between the wall and the front door, hitting one, turning around, and running towards the other. Repeat for the last 20 minutes. If I stop him he'll scream and kick. If I let him go he's going to hurt himself (if he hasn't already bruised up his face again).

He's been out of therapy since mid-June (they have the summer off). I talked to his speech therapist yesterday and she's going to start seeing him again next tuesday. I talked to her about the other issues and she doesn't know what to do. I think we're going to have the local autism team watch him one day and see what they say. I do not believe he has autism, but I'd be surprised if he doesn't have PDD (and probably SID). U of M is taking their sweet time setting up an appointment with their autism team. At this time I don't expect to get him in much before the end of the year
: Next Friday he goes to the U of M speech team to see if they have any idea why he's not talking.

I need a break. I need him to calm down and stop acting like this. Just for one day. That's all I'm asking. I know getting out of our apartment will help me, but I cannot deal with the stares from other people anymore. Yes he's 2. Yes he's active. Yes he screams a blood curdling scream for no apparent reason. DEAL WITH IT and leave me the h*ll alone.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by StephandOwen
He chose, instead, to run around stomping on all the playdough on the floor.
I love when they stomp it into the carpet. That's a good time.


I know you day was horrible. I know that having a child with special issues complicates things but we've all been there. There's days when I just want to leave both kids in the house and go for a walk! There's days when I want to scream and God knows I have! No wonderful words of wisdom and I'm sure you weren't looking for any.
 

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I'm sorry you are going through this...just wanted to send good thoughts your way. I know what it's like to have a child like this and be a single parent. Is there anyone you trust to watch your DS so you can get out, even for a little bit? I know I had a very difficult time trusting anyone with my dd when she was young, but even getting out for an hour will do you some good.

I hope things get better soon!
 

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What about Sensory Intigration Disorder, on the sensory seeking end of the spectrum? My friend's son has that. She found that one of those nightlights that projects th spinning pictures onto the walls helped him get to sleep. A sippy cup with water and a little bit of lemonade powder (to make it taste sour) helped him calm down, because it stimulates him. For food try anything that is NOT bland, even buying Adobo seasoning and sprinkling it on things. When you get overwhelmed strap him in the car and drive with te music up loud. This allows you to distance yourself and stimulates his senses at the same time. Shaving cream on the table is a very sensory experience and can stimulate them. (I'm trying to think of everything she did for him) Pressure. That was a big thing. When he was tantruming, just holding him and applying pressure, or brushing his skin with a bristle brush helped alot. She contacted Early Intervention and asked for a Occupational Therapy Eval, which helped them alot.

I hope things get better, and if any of these ideas help, let me know and I'll call her and ask her for more. I did a report on Sensory Intigration Disorders a while ago, so I'm trying to remember everything from that too.
 

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I swear we have twins!!!!!



My daughter is perfectly capable of communicating but she has these periods where she just whhinneess and i want to gouge my eye balls out with a spork. She makes me go totally
:

You sound so much like me, I'm totally the easy going parent. I don't care about messes, I really could care less about my daughter trashing everything. Half the time it looks like Toys R Us has a bout of explosive diarrhea everywhere judging by the sheer amount of toys everywhere. I clean it up, the little tornado is right behind me making it 10x worse.

Normally I do not mind one bit because were having a blast, but sometimes, soommeeetimmmeesss I want to go nuuutssss. I lose it over the silliest things. I'm not really sure if it's her going out of her way to make me go insane faster or if it's a perception problem on my end and i'm just on the edge about something and i'm passing it down to her.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm sooo there. I've been there for a while. Usually i'll always go in and apologize and explain that what I did was wrong and we have a big hug and kiss. I don't see any problem in me admitting that i'm not a perfect mom by any means. Granted these breakdowns aren't frequent, but I too feel like the worst mom in the world when this happens.

If all else fails... blame it on the heat
I've been sooo much more irritable lately because of these oh so lovely heat indexes!!
 

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I just wanted to add a link to a website about SID - http://www.kid-power.org/sid.html

And I'm sorry I didn't give enough hugs in my last post. You are a wonderful mama!! I'm sorry things are so rough right now.
 

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Just last night I said to my 17yo, "you will never feel deeper love than when you have children; and you will never feel greater anger than when you have children." I'm so sorry things are so difficult for you and Owen right now.
Could your mother possibly take him for a couple of hours a day in order for you to have a break?

 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for letting me vent. Owen is laying down in bed right now. Probably won't actually fall asleep, but whatever. He skipped his nap again today. He's sooo tired but won't go to sleep. I layed down with him and all he wanted to do was kick and pinch me. There's only so much of that I can take.

Zyla- No, my mom could definately not take him. She just had a baby a few weeks ago. I'm actually her nanny and will be watching my ds, her newborn, and her 4 year old starting next month (I've watched the 4 year old since she was a newborn). I had the summer off while she's on maternity leave. I still have to go over there every day and see if she needs anything done. Currently I'm working on painting/redoing some rooms. My ds is way too much of a handful for her. When I do bring him over (while I'm there) I get the feeling she doesn't want him around.
He's loud and active- the complete opposite of her 4 year old. I've never left him with her (except once when he was a newborn for 10 minutes to pick some stuff up at the store for her). I sometimes leave my ds with my dad for a couple hours while I go over to my moms house, but lately my ds has started getting upset when I leave. Which sucks because he's supposed to be starting a special needs preschool next month, but I have a feeling he's going to be upset when I leave


Kerry- I've been doing a lot of reading about SID and it sounds a lot like Owen. Now if I can get the EI people to take me seriously we'd be all set
: I think they're just trying to float Owen by until October, when he turns 3 and they don't have to worry about him anymore. He does do a lot of messy stuff (foamy soap/shaving cream, playdough, paint, etc) and moving seems to help him a lot (walks in the stroller and drives in the car). I don't think the seasoning idea will work though. He freaks if the taste of anything is changed. He will only drink one kind of juice (oj, and it has to be the exact same brand). He loves smooth foods (yogurt- but it can't have any fruit pieces in it. Must be completely smooth, ice cream- same deal- must be a plain flavor and completely smooth/soft serve, applesauce- must be smooth, dressings- ketchup and ranch and he eats these in a bowl with a spoon). He cannot be fooled either- he's a smart cookie! He won't eat meat (hasn't since before he turned 1). One day I made spaghetti sauce and put ground beef in it. I knew he wouldn't eat it, so I put it through the blender and pureed it all up. Served it to him. He took one look at it, screamed a bloody scream, and left the table. He knew. Even though the sauce didn't look different- he knew.
 

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So glad to know that my dd isn't the only one who ate ketchup straight! Everyone in the family thought it was strange.

Still feeling for you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by momfirst
So glad to know that my dd isn't the only one who ate ketchup straight! Everyone in the family thought it was strange.

Still feeling for you!
Ketchup is a veggie, right? Or maybe it's a fruit
Actually I read somewhere a little while ago that some school in the Detroit area was trying to get ketchup approved as a veggie so they didn't have to serve "real" veggies, just ketchup with the meal
:
 

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Steph I so feel for you right now. There are those days where it could be exactly like
yesterday, and you handled yesterday so well, but today forget about it. Lately I have
watched dd have her "episodes" and my blood just boils. I was so good for so long.
Gentle talking, explaining, trying to help, but I think because it's summer, and entertaining
her 24/7 then when she goes nuts I really feel like I could loose it.

But I don't, and you didn't, and you vented, and we all love you for that. I wish I lived
closer so I could watch Owen for a day, and I would send you to a spa. I once told a
friend I think it should be mandatory for all Mother's that once a year they get a day off
just to lay around get massages and drink tall drinks with ice and a umbrella. You
totally deserve that.

Take care of you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thanks Janna
You'd definately get your day at the spa if we loved closer. Then we could get the kids to run off some energy
:

I just wrote in a journal of mine that now that Owen's asleep and I'm sitting here looking at him- I cannot believe I blew up on my sweet little boy. I feel like such a jerk. Why did it seem like such a huge thing just hours ago when, really, it doesn't matter in the big picture that he didn't pick up his playdough. Argh. I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I'm going to learn from it and move on. Tomorrow is another day (and lord please let it be a good one).
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by StephandOwen
Why did it seem like such a huge thing just hours ago when, really, it doesn't matter in the big picture that he didn't pick up his playdough. Argh. I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I'm going to learn from it and move on. Tomorrow is another day (and lord please let it be a good one).
Because it's not just the playdough, it's everything, right? You have a LOT on your plate, Steph. I'm not saying that you reaction was "okay" but it certainly was understandble.

You're an amazing mom - like momma2finn said, I completely admire you! But you do need a break. Any break. Will Owen ride in a stroller? Can you toss him in when things get tough and just take off for a walk?

 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly
Because it's not just the playdough, it's everything, right? You have a LOT on your plate, Steph. I'm not saying that you reaction was "okay" but it certainly was understandble.

You're an amazing mom - like momma2finn said, I completely admire you! But you do need a break. Any break. Will Owen ride in a stroller? Can you toss him in when things get tough and just take off for a walk?
I agree. Don't beat yourself up for yelling, you are human, sometimes things like that happen when we are under so much stress. I wish one of us were closer so we could give you a break.

I hope today is a better day.
If you feel like you are reaching the end of your rope again, make sure Owen is safe and leave the room for a few minutes. Take some deep breaths and talk yourself down. I do that about once a week!
 

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Not that I am an expert but much of what you described sounds exactly what my then 2 yr.old used to do pretty much constantly. I think that's why they call it the terrible 2's right? The good news: they grow out of it!


the skipping the naps thing was awful. I found that if I kept to a slightly more strict schedule of exhausting them in the morning, making them hungy for a hearty lunch, and then straight to nap (for all of us!), we'd be much happier and tolerant of each other until bedtime.

I found at this age modeling behavior to be really powerful, i.e. mommy needs a time out right now (and go and sit somewhere breathing deeply, preferably away from children), modeling how to clean up toys., how to take a nap, etc.

Another thing: If he doesn't help clean his mess, then I would take away the playdough for a few days. If he asks for it discuss why it's not comiing out. If he can agree to help clean and contain the mess then give it a try with lots of supervision and positive feedback for doing a good job, etc. They really can process this at that young of an age. At least it seemed to work with mine...

What you are doing takes the patience of a "saint". I am in awe of the great job you are doing. I wish I could help, but alas I am in NY...

sorry for the long post.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly
Will Owen ride in a stroller? Can you toss him in when things get tough and just take off for a walk?
We have done a LOT of walks/runs lately because being in the stroller (or car) seems to really help him calm down. Except yesterday when I screwed up
Normally I give him a baggie of crackers to snack on while we're walking. Yesterday I forgot to (he was tired, needed to sleep, and had JUST eaten crackers so I figured he wouldn't want/need them). We get about a block away and he just starts screaming. Would not tell me what was wrong. So I turned around and went back. Let him out of the stroller, he walks to his snack area, grabs the crackers, and gets back into his stroller
He didn't eat the stinking crackers, just had them sitting next to him the whole ride. It was just the fact that one little part of the routine was different and he couldn't handle it. But you know, if he had just signed "cracker" in the first place I would have KNOWN (he's never said the word cracker, but does know the sign. Just refuses to use it sometimes).

But anyway, yes- going for a walk or a run with the jogging stroller has saved my sanity more than once.


Quote:

Originally Posted by 2crazykids
If he doesn't help clean his mess, then I would take away the playdough for a few days. If he asks for it discuss why it's not comiing out. If he can agree to help clean and contain the mess then give it a try with lots of supervision and positive feedback for doing a good job, etc. They really can process this at that young of an age. At least it seemed to work with mine...
Ivana- I'm glad this worked with your kids, but it would never work with mine. Taking something away for *days* would leave my child extremely confused and would not teach him anything. Because of his limited speech I don't even know for sure that he understands what I mean when I tell him to "help me pick up the playdough". He certaintly doesn't understand "If you don't help mommy pick up the playdough then you can't play with it for 3 days" or whatever. He'd just look at me, laugh, and continue to stomp on it. Blissfully unaware that he's driving me to the edge of insanity. Not to mention he rarely helps clean up *any* mess. That would mean I'd have to take away every single thing for days at a time. Which would mean he'd be more than happy to destroy MY stuff instead of his own


Anyway, thanks ladies
 

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Steph -- I'm, sorry to hear your mom can't help out. That's really too bad.
I knew you were her nanny so I thought ...


Try to find one or two smallish things that are within your power to change. Let go of as much as you can. Do what you need to do to nurture yourself: I have been a single parent for 17 years -- you need nurturing too!

Sounds like he likes messy things he can just play wildly with. Would he find jello too strange to play with? It is pretty cheap, so I was thinking it might be a fun-crazy messy thing for him to do. If you were to lay an old sheet out on the kitchen floor he could stomp and throw and play with it ... Hmmm ... ok, maybe it would require *too* much jello! But if he liked it, it might make a nice daily outlet for him.

On the food issue, my unsolicited advice is to let it go as much as you can. Sounds like he likes some healthy things (orange juice, apple sauce, yogurt) -- just let him have those (and whatever else he'll comfortably eat) for now because it seems like trying other things is too much work for both of you. Not blaming! It is perfectly understandable!

As an aside, my 7yo will only eat peanut butter. And egg bagels. Once a week he allows colby cheese into his system. That. Is. All. He. Eats. He has several body issues. But overall, he's the healthiest of all my kids, energetic, a gifted artist, sweet, bright, loving and very-very-very intense.
 
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