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I don't trust my midwife...

1086 Views 15 Replies 13 Participants Last post by  teachinmaof3
deleted because I'm moody and want this thread to go away...

Thanks, everyone!

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Just wanted to offer some support. I hope this isn't stressing you out too much. Are you communicating well with her? Does she know you have these doubts and misgivings? Sounds like you're well prepared, so having her expertise for positions and comfort measures might not be as important as it would be for someone who hadn't done the research you have. But you'd hate to feel like you were evading or fighting someone at your birth.

Best of luck to you, I hope you and your midwife can get to a better place in the next few weeks. My midwife and birth class instructor have both said that the semi-reclining position encourages the baby to turn posterior (they tell me to stay away from the couch and the recliner, and to sit up with good posture), and that squatting is often the best position for pushing/not tearing.
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Originally posted by Beth-TX
I emailed her about preventing posterior babies (dd was posterior). She said that reclining on the couch shouldn't affect the babies position and that posterior births don't usually happen twice (maybe the latter was meant to give me more confidence, I don't know).
This has never actually been proven by research and is something that is a matter of contention amongst midwives. I know some very experienced, respectable midwives that don't think that reclining makes any difference.

Posterior babies often don't happen twice and are more likely to rotate to anterior on their own in a second labor. I wouldn't lose sleep over this one!!!

She also said that tears are more common when birthing in a squat than other positions. She actually seemed to discourage pushing in a squat. I thought this was the *best* position for giving birth (for many women anyway).
You are comparing apples to oranges - squatting opens the pelvis and can make more room for a marginal fit, but your mw is correct, you are more likely to tear in this position.

There are other little things she's said that I've gone home and double checked and found out not to be true. I've always been a bit distrustful of medical type people (thank goodness!) but this is a little silly.

Anyway, it's too late for me to switch MW's. I'm nearly 36 weeks and our relationship is too personal at this point.
I think that you need to deal with *your* trust issues. I don't know what these "other things" that have turned out to be 'not true', but from what I can tell, you are relying solely on the advice out there that contradicts your mw and have assumed a priori that she is wrong rather than having a different opinion. This is a bigger problem to my mind with having a great birth than having read something that is different than what your mw is recommending.

Birth is about release and trust. Perhaps you need to search within yourself and discover why you are unwilling to realize that people can have different opinions, yet still "trust" them to be a competant birth attendant.
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Thank you for your reply. You have some valid points, but I guess I was looking more for *support* here. I hope future posters will do that more. I felt like you were not on my side (which is, of course, your right).

I think that you need to deal with *your* trust issues.
I disagree. For me, anyway, I feel like it's better to question rather than trust blindly--especially when my health and/or the health of my baby is at stake.

I'm sure you had the best intentions, Chava. I was just not prepared for a response like that. Best wishes to you.

peace, Beth
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When I was interviewing midwives, one of them told me how she will sometimes discourage or at least warn of the dangers of the squat position if she feels that it is making the birth happen too quickly and tears will result. I do think that it depends on the situation, not that it is an absolute.

I have also heard that one of the ways to avoid getting a baby in the posterior position (by this I assume you mean back labor results), is to sleep on your left side towards the end of your pregnancy. Because babies only turn one way while in labor, even if turning to the right would be a shorter distance to get into the right position, sleeping on the left encourages them starting at a better vantage point. Not sure if it works, but I did try to sleep on my left last time and did not have back labor.

You might also see a chiropractor who specializes in prenatal care. I did last pregnancy and this time around, and she helps line the baby up, so to speak. I went and saw her the day before DD was born, and am convinced that she lined things up and helped make things happen when they did!
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Hmmm... About posteriors and positioning. Maybe you should ask her why she says that? IF she says it becasue that what she thinks the latest research shows, then she is mistaken. BUT, if she says that because she know that many babies change position even during labor and trying to control their position ahead of time is fruitless, then I think she has the right idea. I personally don't think any baby is "malpositioned" and that whatever position they are in is for a good reason.

And about the squat. It can be the most effective pushing position but is not necessarily the BEST pushing position. For example, my babies come out fast during the pushing phase and if I were to squat as well, they'd shoot out and tear me even worse than I've torn before. I agree that it is the most effective pushing position, but because it increases the speed of baby coming out, it also increses the chance of serious tears. I wish your mw had instead said that she doesn't like to encourage a certain pushing position before delivery, so as not to set up expectations. When the time comes to push, YOU and your baby will be the only ones who know what position will be best.

What are some of the other things she's said that you've found contradicting info on? How much faith does she seem to have in a woman's natural birthing ability?
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Beth - you stated that switching mw's was not an option. I'm not sure what type of support you want? Most of the things you stated are not that your mw is *wrong*, just that you have read something different. I am not stating that you should blindly trust your mw (I know that *I* don't. I question everyone!), but that you need to reframe your opposition. You have placed yourself in a "right vs. wrong" type of mindframe and to my mind this is not something so clearcut. Midwifery is an art as well as a science and sometimes you have to realize that mw's have opinions based on their experience and where they have gotten "burned" in the past. I tried to make the point that you could disagree and still trust that she is a good mw! But that is something that you have to work on yourself. Since you have no intention to switch caregivers, I think this is the best type of "support" that anyone can give.
Just to let you know, I do forget many things. I don't write every bit of information down and I'm horribly embarassed to realize that I ask the same question two, three times within the course of care. It's hard for me to keep all the information straight sometimes.
I used to think my preceptor was just getting older, now I realize it's a bit of a common trait with more than a handful of clients.

I have read that in a deep squat Western women experience more tears. That's not to say that squatting is not helpful in bringing down the head under the pubic bone! I think it just depends on what the woman wants to do. You should be able to do whatever feels right for you at that time.

I'm not sure why she's doubtful of the posterior issue - many midwives just disregard it altogether, saying that posterior babies get born. This is true, but if you can help alleviate some back pain, and shorten your labor, make it more productive, it doesn't hurt, right? I'm all about fetal positioning and it feels great to get women in touch with the positions of their babies.

{{hugs}} Perhaps this will not affect the birth at all. You are not needing to ask her for permission on any of these things - you are the one birthing. Do what feels right.
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Beth I think you need to ask yourself what you really want from your midwife. Here is what I think is important, in your own words

She attended my dd's birth and was great [snip] had switched to my MW at about 34 wks
In six weeks you were comfortable enough with her to have a great birth. THAT is where the rubber hits the road. I would trade 30 well informed researchers for one soft voiced woman with strong hands when the time comes. For the rest of this stuff... well, it is open to interpretation.

Maybe the way you are asking is affecting her answers. Bear in mind, you are not her research partner you are her client. She may well feel that how you sit has no effect on babies position. Or she may feel that it is a small enough difference that it is inconsequential. But more than that she may feel that it is her job to worry and yours to try to relax and grow your baby in a low stress environment. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying you shouldn't question her about things that seem strange to you, but you should be cautious about taking an adversarial, debate stance with her.

Bottom line: Think back on your DD's birth. She made you comfortable and confident so you could do your job and birth.
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Consider talking with your midwife about your concerns/questions...just being open, direct, and honest. You could say here I read said I'm confused...and open up a conversation this way. As a helping professional, your midwife is probably used to women having "last minute" doubts, concerns, etc. and wouldn't take personal offense. You may be pleasantly surprised on how you can work through this together.
With my first pregnancy/birth I went to a birthing center with a group of midwives and there was one midwife who I had some issues with. Initially, I just hoped she wouldn't be on call when I went into labor but as the pregnancy reached its final weeks the hormones, the excitement, the stress mounted and I just broke down in tears telling this woman my concerns about her and feelings. I'll tell you it felt so good to get it off my chest and she was great about it. She was surprisingly great about listening without becoming defensive. I ended up having my baby with her and she was great.
I think it is important to trust your midwife (and Yourself!)so if there is anything you can do to hash this out with her I would encourage you to do it. I'm wishing you the best!
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Hi there

I do think it is important to trust your midwife, and if you are having some doubts it would be good to resolve them, before the birth, and maybe the best thing would be to talk to her about it, and work it out sooner rather than later. If it still does not feel right, it is your choice who you choose to help you give birth.

I had to just change midwives at 26 weeks as the first one will not deliver twins at home, and it is hard to change in mid-stream. I do think trust is an issue and dealing with it directly might be more effective. I hope you can work it out and feel comfortable with her.

Midwives are only human too but you do need to be clear with it I think or it can affect the birth. It may not be her or you just something that needs clearing between you if that makes sense.

Good Luck!

Hi, Beth! Gosh, aren't you glad you chose a midwife and not a stuffy OB/GYN? It seems like it's much easier to talk to a woman with gentle hands than a white coat with fancy car.

I just wanted to let you know, that I'm thinking of you and sending you love, light and peace. The end of any pregnancy has challenges and emotional ups and downs. We all seem to need a little more support than usual. Afterall, we're doing the groundwork to giving birth!

I'm glad that you've learned to question things. Where does she stand on the really important stuff? (I mean, you can make sure you don't recline or make sure you squat if you want to, but does she cut the cord before done pulsing, give episiotomies or something else that you would disagree with?)

I do agree that it sounds like it's time to bring some things up with her. I wouldn't debate the rightness or wrongness of info (but, I don't think that's what's bothering you anyway). It's the idea that at 34 weeks last time, you transfered to her and she was a breath of fresh air. She was magic. This time, you see that she's a person complete with flaws and older research.

My midwife asks me a lot of the same questions each time. At least she has now stopped asking me if I have any other children, "Yes, you delivered him." Ha! I think most midwives forget the details of things like this. But, it's not that small stuff that bothers me. It would be big stuff.

I'm so glad you have great confidence in your body. Because, you're right, that confidence is the most important thing. I think your birth is going to be beautiful and fullfilling. I would talk through some things with your midwife though. It can't hurt. It can only help things by brining them to the surface. I think you'll feel a lot better.

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Like the previous posters have said, context is everything. Her answers may very well change if you talk about it more in depth.

I do agree with you, however, on the specifics, and if I had a midwife pooh-poohing the posterior issue and telling me that I shouldn't squat to give birth, I would feel, well, not a lack of trust so much as a lack of confidence in her ability to guide me well.
First of all

I've been there and I understand your anxiety, frustrations, concerns, etc. I'm sorry you're experiencing these things now at a time when you deserve to be calm and focused.

I don't have any advice for you other than to follow your heart no matter what. Only you can judge the situation you are in.

I hope that your last few weeks are filled with positive energy and restful reflection! Happy birth blessings to you
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I didn't see your post but the title caught my eye. I felt like that w/ my mw. A few months after the birth I found out some starting things about her!!!!! I really wish I had switched!!!!

I see some comments about the squatting position. I had a water birth and delivered on my knees, leaning over the pool. I had no tearing at all.

If you have a gut feeling about her....go with it!! There might be a reason why you feel that way!!!!
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