[mumkimum]

At some point thinking about whether you're depressed or can create more support/breaks into your routine life is probably a good move.

I think there are times within marriage and parenthood that everyone feels like they hate those parts of their life though. I've been there too. . . and the best I can say that it all changed a little bit after awhile and then I was able to deal with things better and felt better and was happier again.

Thinking about my life and creating some new goals or things I can achieve (even really tiny or uninteresting ones that at least improve *my* life - like making really delicious pancakes or actually keeping the laundry together) has been something that helps me. I also drive around listening to forlorn music and feeling sorry for myself sometimes when I need to (in between running errands, yk?) and eventually get those feelings out there and can listen to happier and more inspiring music. (Music has just always been important to me in processing and getting through my feelings). Maybe writing, reading something new, making some art, cooking new foods. . . you'll get somewhere better.

 

[funkymamajoy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

May be it's time to redefine "being a good mother."

I don't know anything about you but what is on your signature -- you homeschool, tandum nurse, and use cloth diapers. You don't have to. You can make different choices and make time for yourself in your life. Being a mother doesn't mean that every single minute of the day and night HAS to be about someone else. It is possible to be a good mother and have balance in your life.

You can change your mind about things, especially if it makes you happier. Don't worry about living up to ideals. I hope you can find a break and I really hope that you have someone in real life that you can talk to.

 

[swd12422]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've BTDT, and I never tandem nursed, homeschooled, or had more than 1 kid! So that should tell you two things:

1 - You're not alone. Others have and do feel this way, even if they're not bold enough to say it out loud or online.

2 - You're a strong, loving mama. When I have bad days, I think about all the women who have more than 1child, or kids with SN/HN and feel ridiculous for not being able to cope. You're strong enough to have gotten this far with your kids, doing all you do for them, and you're strong for having admitted your feelings, no matter how unpopular they might make you. Now be strong and pass those kids off to someone else for an afternoon, put your feet up, and rest!

 

[thinkingmom]

The current culture we are in has a lot to do with burning AP moms out. The point was made that if you choose to homeschool, then you choose to tax the nuclear family. Why is that? Because we live in a culture where we have lots of support and help for being detached parents. We can have others watch our kids (public school, daycare, etc) others grow and cook our foods, etc... Choosing to grow our own foods and cooking "taxes" the family! Because no one is supporting a lifestyle where we all do it "right". I don't think it is right that in order to keep my sanity I have to wean off my kids and choose not to homeschool and that I need a therapist and a massage to be normal! What is this life for anyways? It just might be that if we lived in a different way, with real support or real community then we would be healthier without the need for "me" time. Here's the reality - mom is home trying to meet the needs of kids and herself and husband, and basically she can't so someone or everyone is getting run down. In one possible ideal case - 2 or three moms get together with their kids of various ages, they all do some schooling or unschooling or whatever in the morning (crafting, gardening, preschooling, doing science, whatever) and then some enjoy chatting while cooking while others (maybe younger kids) are playing outside (all close by and watched) while laundry is getting done as well. Then everyone eats together and they go home for naps! Another possibility - A mom lives in a neighborhood or group (intentional community) where others are all living similarly, there we again find that the people meet on a daily basis for love, work, support, and companionship. They grow foods and cook them (working together and separate/dividing and sharing responsibilities). Anyway, possibilities are endless! Here is a link of a more detailed and realistic example of this real "support" or community I am talking about.

http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/finding-your-tribe.html

Also, my friend and I, in our attempts to both not go crazy and to not give up our ideals, have created a big tent group called Prelude to Community. There we talk about how we aren't getting our needs met - because sometimes you do need a place to say that - as well as having the larger goal of hoping to one day get ourselves in a real community or support network situation where we can end this problem of AP burnout and lack of support in a detached world. If anyone is interested, feel free to join the group - it is open to all.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinkingmom

The current culture we are in has a lot to do with burning AP moms out. The point was made that if you choose to homeschool, then you choose to tax the nuclear family. Why is that? Because we live in a culture where we have lots of support and help for being detached parents. We can have others watch our kids (public school, daycare, etc) others grow and cook our foods, etc... Choosing to grow our own foods and cooking "taxes" the family! Because no one is supporting a lifestyle where we all do it "right". I don't think it is right that in order to keep my sanity I have to wean off my kids and choose not to homeschool and that I need a therapist and a massage to be normal! What is this life for anyways? It just might be that if we lived in a different way, with real support or real community then we would be healthier without the need for "me" time.

Here's the reality - mom is home trying to meet the needs of kids and herself and husband, and basically she can't so someone or everyone is getting run down. In one possible ideal case - 2 or three moms get together with their kids of various ages, they all do some schooling or unschooling or whatever in the morning (crafting, gardening, preschooling, doing science, whatever) and then some enjoy chatting while cooking while others (maybe younger kids) are playing outside (all close by and watched) while laundry is getting done as well. Then everyone eats together and they go home for naps! Another possibility - A mom lives in a neighborhood or group (intentional community) where others are all living similarly, there we again find that the people meet on a daily basis for love, work, support, and companionship. They grow foods and cook them (working together and separate/dividing and sharing responsibilities). Anyway, possibilities are endless! Here is a link of a more detailed and realistic example of this real "support" or community I am talking about.

http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/finding-your-tribe.html

We're living a culture where that's not what most people do. There were all kinds of people supporting each other and helping at the school ds1 went to. That's where the "tribe" is. If someone living in a tribal situation chose to teach their children differently than the way the tribe was doing it, do you think they'd be doing it with a bunch of support, or do you think they'd be on their own? Homeschooling isn't doing it "right". It'd doing it the way we choose to do it, for our particular families. There are a bunch of families right here in my complex who do a lot of this kind of trading off. I'm not interested in participating in that, except in an emergency, because I'm sick of my kids being told off for going barefoot, not having a jacket (in the warm rain), etc. If I'm not involved in the various trade-offs of childcare, etc., then why should they go out of their way to accommodate the ways my life is different than their lives?

There are people who form intentional communities and do these things. (I wouldn't, because it would drive me more bat-crap crazy than what I'm doing right now. Different strokes and all that.) How many people talking about not getting any support for a decision to homeschool are out trying to form an intentional community? There are a few...but there are a whole lot who aren't doing that, too. Since I chose, and continue to choose, to live my life in a way that's different from the vast majority of the people around me, I'm pretty much on my own. The kind of scenario you mention above puts me on someone else's clock all the time. That doesn't appeal to me. It doesn't sound supportive. It sounds stifling. To each their own. But, I choose to live the way I do, and turning around and complaining about the lack of support from people who make different choices makes no sense to me. I live in the culture i live in, and if I'm doing things in a way that doesn't work for my family (including me), then I need to figure out what changes are necessary to make things work. For some people, that may mean forming an intentional community. Personally, I'd rather have a root canal. I live in a nuclear family, and I like it that way...but the context of all my life decisions is within that nuclear family.

In any case, the OP has to make whatever decisions work best for her. But, the bottom line is that whatever our AP (or other) ideals may be, we have to live in the world we live in. In that world, we're making our choices (most of us) within some variant of the nuclear family - one or two parents, with however many children - and if those choices don't work within that context, then it's going to take a lot longer to change the context (certainly worth working towards, if one sees that as a desirable goal) than it is to change the dynamics within one's own situation. In the case of unmet needs and burnout, support for AP, homeschooling, etc. is largely a theoretical consideration. The world isn't going to change to suit those who'd rather live in a more tribal environment, and burnout can't be cured by wishing for a different context.

 

[Smokering]

Unfortunately, it might not be as simple for the OP as "stop homeschooling and quit tandem nursing". If she feels strongly about doing those things for ideological reasons, quitting might make her feel worse, not better. I've felt that way about a lot of things in the past - torn between (temporarily) hating them and believing in them very strongly. I've had times where I LOATHED nursing DD, but weaning her would have been bad for her and bad for me, in that I would have felt extremely guilty about it. In that particular case, I was able to compromise (cutting down and eventually eliminating night feeds), but if the "attack" had come on several months earlier, I wouldn't have been able to because DD just wouldn't have been ready - KWIM?

I'm not saying the OP should feel guilty if she chooses to stop tandem-nursing or homeschooling or whatever - I'm just saying, from the perspective of someone with a tendency to depression, mixed feelings about motherhood and strong ideological positions on a bunch of pesky issues, that it might not be as simple as "not doing X, Y or Z will make you happier". If she feels (rightly or wrongly) that by sending her kids to school she's doing violence to her own beliefs, doing her kids a disservice, etc, it'll probably just make her feel guilty and failure-y.

OP, I know mothering can make you feel like you're just giving, giving, giving all the time, and to some extent that's normal (although not desirable); but marriage shouldn't make you feel that way. Why do you find being a wife tiring? Is your DH supporting your efforts to homeschool? Does he do his bit to make tandem-nursing easier (like picking up the slack with housework while you're in the middle of a nursing session, getting you drinks of water etc)? Does he show he appreciates you, and so on?

Also, I know it sounds prosaic, but how's your nutrition? No chance you're low in iron or vitamin D or B or any of those things that keep people energetic and cheery? Do you get exercise? (Pot calling the kettle black here, I know...)

 

[insidevoice]

I've had a couple of these days lately. I really don't know any parent who HASN'T had some of these days.

It's ok to reach the end of your rope, sometime you just have to take a breath and start the slow climb back up, other times you need a ladder of support to get you back there. I'm a homeschooling mom whose husband is not here, and who is doing everything alone for about a year. I am also pregnant. I am tired. Yes, I chose this life, and most days I wouldn't change it for the world. Other days I am simply done. I find that on the days I am truly toast- it's best to let some things slide and take care of myself. So what if dinner tonight is a frozen pizza or some simple sandwiches? (Around here it was leftover cold pasta salad for the kids, and I'm about to make myself poached eggs on toast.... ) Bellies are full, there are no dishes to do, and you might steal a few minutes for yourself. Find small cheats as you need them- none of us can be supermom all the time.

I hope you find yourself in a better place tomorrow, but if you find yourself feeling this way all the time, it's probably time to look for some rungs to build the ladder I referenced above. I'm struggling with that myself right now. I suspect that for me some key rungs are going to be to stop nursing for now and to get the kids sleeping on their own. Not really what I wanted in this journey, and I have a lot of guilt over those thoughts (I haven't made the leap yet) but at some point I have to take care of myself to be a better mom.

 

[purslaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Funny Face

And I wanted to be able to just tell someone that.

I hate this. I don't want to be here anymore. Every moment of every day is about everyone else. I hurt all over and feel I am completely used up.

I wish I could go back and undo it all. Make it so that none of it ever happened.

I have not read the rest of the thread yet but had to post.

I am so sorry

 

[Linda on the move]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smokering

Unfortunately, it might not be as simple for the OP as "stop homeschooling and quit tandem nursing". If she feels strongly about doing those things for ideological reasons, quitting might make her feel worse, not better.

Then it's time for counseling. When the way one defines "good mother" causes one to daily wish that their children had never been born, it's time to get help.

(momentarily wishing they hadn't been born is different, but all day every day means that it's time for a change)

I agree that it isn't simple.

 

[purslaine]

I read the thread. I second (third?) going to a health care provider. You maybe depressed or have other medical issues.

I would work on carving out some time for yourself to reflect on what is really going on. If it is burn out - what can you do to fix it? I would start by carving out some time for myself and, personally, I would leave the house to get it. I know I wouId get sucked into the caretaking role if I tried to stay home.

I am going to assume you feel called to tandem nurse and HS - so I would not eliminate those just yet. Important decisions should not be made when you feel so low. I would consider it if the medical and getting time for myself routes did not work . Your mental health and happiness is far more significant to your family than any sort of bucket list.

Take care,

Kathy

 

[princesstutu]

OP

I'm so sorry you felt this way. Hopefully, telling us helped relieve some of those feelings and thoughts. I wish you peace and time to yourself for a few hours (at least!).

 

[McGucks]

My heart goes out to you. I hope that some of the advice has helped. Along with other posters, I commend you for reaching out and being honest about your feelings. It is hard to have those feelings in the first place, and to share them takes additional strength.

I was worried when you said you "hurt all over." Do you have some physical illness on top of working 24/7/365 (which is enough to make anyone hurt all over)? In addition to worrying about you in general, I was worried about that statement.

I hope that you have found some relief and some peace. Being a parent is a hard, hard job, even when you have good support from a partner (which I don't know if you have or not). Please know there are folks out here who want to help in whatever little way we can. Never forget that your children would be devastated without you, mama, no matter how it seems at the moment. Thinking of you.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smokering

Unfortunately, it might not be as simple for the OP as "stop homeschooling and quit tandem nursing". If she feels strongly about doing those things for ideological reasons, quitting might make her feel worse, not better. I've felt that way about a lot of things in the past - torn between (temporarily) hating them and believing in them very strongly.

Oh, I totally get that. I've thought a few times that maybe public school would give me a break, but I don't believe it would be good for my kids (the two in the middle - ds1 did pretty well there), and I think the stress of having made a decision I can't stand would probably be worse than the stress of being "on" 24/7.

I've had times where I LOATHED nursing DD, but weaning her would have been bad for her and bad for me, in that I would have felt extremely guilty about it. In that particular case, I was able to compromise (cutting down and eventually eliminating night feeds), but if the "attack" had come on several months earlier, I wouldn't have been able to because DD just wouldn't have been ready - KWIM?

I'm not saying the OP should feel guilty if she chooses to stop tandem-nursing or homeschooling or whatever - I'm just saying, from the perspective of someone with a tendency to depression, mixed feelings about motherhood and strong ideological positions on a bunch of pesky issues, that it might not be as simple as "not doing X, Y or Z will make you happier". If she feels (rightly or wrongly) that by sending her kids to school she's doing violence to her own beliefs, doing her kids a disservice, etc, it'll probably just make her feel guilty and failure-y.

I totally get that.

OP, I know mothering can make you feel like you're just giving, giving, giving all the time, and to some extent that's normal (although not desirable); but marriage shouldn't make you feel that way. Why do you find being a wife tiring? Is your DH supporting your efforts to homeschool? Does he do his bit to make tandem-nursing easier (like picking up the slack with housework while you're in the middle of a nursing session, getting you drinks of water etc)? Does he show he appreciates you, and so on?

Also, I know it sounds prosaic, but how's your nutrition? No chance you're low in iron or vitamin D or B or any of those things that keep people energetic and cheery? Do you get exercise? (Pot calling the kettle black here, I know...)

This is a good point. I suspect that if I really made the effort to carve out even 3-4 exercise sessions of even 15-20 minutes each per week, it would make a big difference.

Good luck with all this, OP. I think it's really good that you put this into words and put it out there. Being overwhelmed is hard enough - feeling as though you can't talk about it makes it much, much worse!

 

[Subhuti]

((((((hug))))))))

If I were trying to do all you do ... I would feel completely ground to dust, too. I admire what you have taken on. Having my first baby, albeit a challenging one, and trying to learn how to be a parent in an isolated situation ~ I didn't even consider one moment taking on CD. I had a very, very hard time with adjusting to being married and having my first baby. I felt like I aged a thousand years between dealing with my husband and my little one. I can't imagine also trying to homeschool on top of that. So you've got my kudos for trying.

I know everyone keeps saying depression ~ but how about saying "a rational response to a crazy situation?" I seriously don't know how the average person could handle what you have taken on.

Do you have support from your DH for breaks? That is how I survived my two kids' baby years (I had two kids spaced apart by under 2 years). When my dh would come home from work, I would, a couple of times a week, bolt out the door for a few hours in the woods. In the summer, during his time off, I would just take off in our car and not really tell anyone where I was going. I'd be simply grabbing a take out sandwich, parking my car besides a stream on a deserted mountain road, and reading the NYer (Okay, and sneaking an illicit cig!). As a matter of fact, I took up smoking (in secret) after I weaned my kids as a way to get some relief and psychological distance from my family/being a mom. Dont recommend that ! ANyway ... Just getting away, parking your car, locking the bedroom door and taking a nap with ear plugs .... you need that == but you need your DH to support you in that, right... or a friend, or family ...or if you have the dough ... a sitter.

I don't know about anti-dep. They sure might get you a little boost, but no way are they going to solve it. Therapy would be nice -- but a support group might be cheaper and better -- of Moms. Can you find one or start one? I Swear I couldn't have done the early years w/o my Mom friends.

Oh -- also, I was just reading that women as they get older (like in their forties) as their hormones change .... they start to have less patience for the whole "I'm going to nurture the world" thing we seem to all have.... I don't know how old you are but is that a possibility?

Thinking of you............

 

[TheGirls]

I felt the way you do, often, when I had only one child. Now I have three and feel pretty good most days (some days I still want to run away and hide, but most days are good). I did two things that worked for me.

1) Cut back on the things that were less important to me. I still plan to homeschool, we still tried to breastfeed the boys, I still cloth diaper (that really doesn't take time for me). But the boys don't cosleep. Turns out they were happier on their own. We didn't sleep train or CIO, but it did take some work. They are also on a routine where they nap 2-3x a day, by themselves. This is good sanity time. We had severe supply issues with the twins, and chose not to continue pumping after 6 months, even though they were getting SOME breastmilk from it. It was too much time for too little milk.

2) Found more time to myself. My DP puts the kids to bed most nights and I stay up a few hours. I do chores mostly, but manage to carve out a bit of "me time". I also made some budget sacrifices to hire a babysitter two days a week for 3 hours. This gives me a very welcome mid-day break to run errands or shut myself away in a room by myself, lol. The kids are all well cared for and I remember what it's like to be ME.

I also second counseling, especially if finding time for yourself doesn't help.

ETA: I also find exercise helps. I got a triple stroller so I can take walks with all three kids. They are often quiet in the stroller, so I get a bit of mental space then too. Plus a damn good workout pushing 140lbs of stroller.

 

[Alyantavid]

OP, you need a break. A regular, scheduled break with time to do whatever you want. And counseling couldn't hurt either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinkingmom

The current culture we are in has a lot to do with burning AP moms out. The point was made that if you choose to homeschool, then you choose to tax the nuclear family. Why is that? Because we live in a culture where we have lots of support and help for being detached parents. We can have others watch our kids (public school, daycare, etc) others grow and cook our foods, etc... Choosing to grow our own foods and cooking "taxes" the family! Because no one is supporting a lifestyle where we all do it "right". I don't think it is right that in order to keep my sanity I have to wean off my kids and choose not to homeschool and that I need a therapist and a massage to be normal! What is this life for anyways? It just might be that if we lived in a different way, with real support or real community then we would be healthier without the need for "me" time. Here's the reality - mom is home trying to meet the needs of kids and herself and husband, and basically she can't so someone or everyone is getting run down. In one possible ideal case - 2 or three moms get together with their kids of various ages, they all do some schooling or unschooling or whatever in the morning (crafting, gardening, preschooling, doing science, whatever) and then some enjoy chatting while cooking while others (maybe younger kids) are playing outside (all close by and watched) while laundry is getting done as well. Then everyone eats together and they go home for naps! Another possibility - A mom lives in a neighborhood or group (intentional community) where others are all living similarly, there we again find that the people meet on a daily basis for love, work, support, and companionship. They grow foods and cook them (working together and separate/dividing and sharing responsibilities). Anyway, possibilities are endless! Here is a link of a more detailed and realistic example of this real "support" or community I am talking about.

http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/finding-your-tribe.html

Also, my friend and I, in our attempts to both not go crazy and to not give up our ideals, have created a big tent group called Prelude to Community. There we talk about how we aren't getting our needs met - because sometimes you do need a place to say that - as well as having the larger goal of hoping to one day get ourselves in a real community or support network situation where we can end this problem of AP burnout and lack of support in a detached world. If anyone is interested, feel free to join the group - it is open to all.

Perhaps the reason moms get burned out is that they can't reach out for help without being acused of not "doing it right".

 

[MamaJenese]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

OP, you need a break. A regular, scheduled break with time to do whatever you want. And counseling couldn't hurt either.

Perhaps the reason moms get burned out is that they can't reach out for help without being acused of not "doing it right".

You said it. I am so sick of some of the women over here and the all or nothing attitude. I am over it., The OP is clearly tired, clearly burnt, clearly in need of some sort of change. You can be the most AP parent in the world and do it all and if you are unhappy and wanting to chuck it all you are doing no one any favors. Perhaps she needs a vacation, maybe she needs therapy, maybe she needs a major lifestyle change, maybe she needs a fewer minor lifestyle changes. This much is true she should be supported in making any changes that will lead to her being happier, because in the long run she will be a better mother, person, women,that way. I love my kids I would do anything for thier health and happiness, part of that is making sure I am also healthy and happy. OP I feel for you,I was there before I stepped back and reevaluated, I hope you are able to work your way through this and come out smiling. Getting a little help and taking a Little time for yourself does not make you a detached mother, but it may make you a happy women.

 

[DariusMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemian madre

I am so sorry this is where you are today. My heart goes out to you. It sucks to feel this way however you diagnosis this!! I feel completely burned out as a mother too. To suggest that I stop mothering my children in the ways that I feel are most healthy (tandem nursing, cloth diapering, homeschooling, co-sleeping) is intolerable. I want support to mother this way - not told to do it differently. I want our culture to support mothers. I would actually get tax credits if I send them away to daycare! I am burned out and don't have my needs met because it is impossible to meet the needs of an attached family in a nuclear family structure. I feel angry that the only way to keep going is for me to either dig a little deeper and give more or compromise my children's current and future health and happiness. What kind of world is this that I have to fight to mother my children in an attached way - where there is little to no support to mother my children?

How? I'm really curious. In what way could you receive the support you feel you need? Do you want the government (as depicted on MDC as that big ole evil institution that sends CPS to steal kids) to . .. set up a commune? The way I see it, you have total freedom to mother how you want to and you've chosen a way that is, by your own admission, burning you out. What is it you want other people to do for you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by thinkingmom

The current culture we are in has a lot to do with burning AP moms out. The point was made that if you choose to homeschool, then you choose to tax the nuclear family. Why is that? Because we live in a culture where we have lots of support and help for being detached parents. We can have others watch our kids (public school, daycare, etc) others grow and cook our foods, etc... Choosing to grow our own foods and cooking "taxes" the family! Because no one is supporting a lifestyle where we all do it "right". I don't think it is right that in order to keep my sanity I have to wean off my kids and choose not to homeschool and that I need a therapist and a massage to be normal! What is this life for anyways? It just might be that if we lived in a different way, with real support or real community then we would be healthier without the need for "me" time. Here's the reality - mom is home trying to meet the needs of kids and herself and husband, and basically she can't so someone or everyone is getting run down. In one possible ideal case - 2 or three moms get together with their kids of various ages, they all do some schooling or unschooling or whatever in the morning (crafting, gardening, preschooling, doing science, whatever) and then some enjoy chatting while cooking while others (maybe younger kids) are playing outside (all close by and watched) while laundry is getting done as well. Then everyone eats together and they go home for naps! Another possibility - A mom lives in a neighborhood or group (intentional community) where others are all living similarly, there we again find that the people meet on a daily basis for love, work, support, and companionship. They grow foods and cook them (working together and separate/dividing and sharing responsibilities). Anyway, possibilities are endless! Here is a link of a more detailed and realistic example of this real "support" or community I am talking about.

http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/finding-your-tribe.html

Also, my friend and I, in our attempts to both not go crazy and to not give up our ideals, have created a big tent group called Prelude to Community. There we talk about how we aren't getting our needs met - because sometimes you do need a place to say that - as well as having the larger goal of hoping to one day get ourselves in a real community or support network situation where we can end this problem of AP burnout and lack of support in a detached world. If anyone is interested, feel free to join the group - it is open to all.

AP moms have a lot to do with burning themselves out! I don't really see that some vague, undefined "culture" has much to do with it! What also burns out aspiring AP moms is statements such as your above that not homeschooling, not raising your own food, and weaning your child at some point are not "doing it right."

Kudos to you for setting up your group and working towards creating the sort of community you would like to have! You have total freedom to set up an intentional community. Our culture allows for that.

I do think there's a lot of romanticizing of some noble savage tribal culture somewhere out there where everything is wonderful and AP. The problem with that, as Storm Bride points out, is that such a culture (even if it existed as we imagine it) rarely allowed for individual choice and freedom. You did it the culture's way or you were more or less out. I don't think many of us want to go back to that sort of system. And don't even get me started about how tandem nursing really isn't that "natural" except for twins. And how many tribal cultures practice infanticide. And so on and so forth.

 

[stik]

I just wanted to add my support for tho OP to everyone else's. Sometimes everything is overwhelming and exhausting, especially when we're trying to live a very demanding set of ideals.

IMO, cut yourself the breaks you can and be really kind to yourself.

I also wanted to share my personal experience a little. As my younger dd neared her third birthday and my family dealt with some very difficult situations, I realized that my commitment to cloth diapering was adding a lot of stress to my life. I switched to disposables. The decrease in laundry and the fact that her butt didn't burst into flames both amazed me and I had more time for other things, including attachment.

As it's summer, there are some pretty good opportunities for a little break. There are teens looking for work who can clean and babysit. If your kids are old enough, there is Vacation Bible School. Taking care of yourself will pay off in so many ways.

 

[hildare]

Quote:

Originally Posted by choli

She has childcare, it's called a husband. OP, take off for a weekend and leave the kids with your husband. It will do him good what it entails to deal with them, and will do you good to have a break.

not necessarily. some mamas might benefit from spending time alone with a dh, you know.

op, sorry you are feeling this way! is today better? can you have someone-- trade with another mama, hire somebody, have even a neighborhood mama's helper teenager come while you're home and give you a good break? let you take a bath and have some tea (or a drink?)