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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok... where to start. I hate to say it, but my Sister and I have NEVER gotten along! EVER!<br><br>
I finally told my mom that I was having a UC. She knew about the UP, and was supportive. I began to tell her by first saying "I have something to tell you, but I just hope that you will respect my decision and my moral decisions in this matter... blah blah blah". She immediately chimed in saying that she could have easily birth her first 4 out of 5 children at home! I was shocked, she was taking this better than I had expected!<br><br>
I made it very clear that we were not telling anyone! In fear that someone might call 9-1-1 or CPS or whatever! I really just had some unresolved issues with not telling my mom, and so I had to take care of it! She has been tremendously supportive, even doing research left and right! And has kept her word of not telling anyone. (which really is amazing!)<br><br>
Ok, so my issue here is my 30yo sis who still lives at home with mom and dad. She is one of those materialistic women who has to be in everyone's business and is the type of person to call CPS or whatever if she feels she is in the right, and the other person is in the wrong. I have tried to express my concerns for even just a natural birth... and she is PRESSING me to get on Medicaid (thinking its an insurance/expense issue) so I can have the induction that my body and baby NEED, since all of her friends highly recommend it!<br><br>
The deal is, I can't tell her anything, b/c she only cares what is coming out of her mouth, and if you try to "talk back to her" she gets all defensive, and yells until you stop so she can continue.<br><br>
She has already tried to just "leave" with my DD and not tell anyone... "going to the park", and she also almost tipped my mother's car over while making a turn, with my daughter and I in the car (she's not allowed to babysit or drive or actually be unassisted with any of my children!)<br><br>
Ok... sorry I know this is ridiculously long! I really and truly don't want her to know that I've birthed... if I had it my way, she'd never meet my new baby, b/c I have a feeling she'll call someone of "authority", taking it upon herself to be "concerned". She tries to degrade me as much as possible. I just don't know what to do. you know how us Moms get (hormonally) after giving birth. I just can't handle her at all. And she will bypass who ever tries to step in between us.<br><br>
What do I do?!? Just have my mom tell her... and inform her, and basically threaten her if she tries to interrupt this beautiful moment in my life?
 

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She cant really do much after you have your baby, and, depending where you live, you likely have the right to have your baby unassisted at home. (In fact, even if it's illegal to plan it that way, emergencies happen.. so unassisted births happen!)<br><br>
I'm sorry your sister is this sort of person.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I know how you feel! This probably isn't possible, but if I were you, and could do it, I'd move far away from her. Not just for the birth, but for good, or until you feel she's ok--if ever. But you wouldn't want to leave your mom, and I don't blame you, as supportive as she sounds. I have no advice, no ideas... I'm sorry.<br><br>
It doesn't help much, but know that if your sister ever did call CPS on you, you have the right not to let them in! You can tell them to come back with a warrant, and they'll have to. They'll tell you it will be worse for you if they come with one, but that's just to scare you. Really, it's worse for them, b/c unless the child is in immediate danger, a warrant either won't be given out, or it will be very specific about what they're to look for. I know that doesn't help, b/c you don't want to be involved with them at all! (I've been there.) But it's best when you know your rights. You're less likely to be manipulated by their scare tactics then.<br><br>
Lots of <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> to you! You're in my thoughts!
 

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Nowhere is it illegal to have an unassisted homebirth.<br><br>
In your shoes I would cut her off as much as possible. I would not notify her for as long as possible.<br><br>
good luck.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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I'd never ever say "CPS" to her or any family member ... why plant the option in her head?<br><br>
Sorry you have to put up with this.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaRabbit</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8974477"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd never ever say "CPS" to her or any family member ... why plant the option in her head?</div>
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HUGE <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: !!!!!<br><br>
Act like it's perfectly normal...it is! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Good luck!
 

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I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I have family, too, who are quick to jump the gun and do what they feel is right... Often out of spite. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I'd say, that if it's a case of your sister not knowing that you have birthed, ask for your Mom's help in creating a "bubble". If your sister lives with your parents, then it's entirely possible for your mom to come see you and the new baby, or to help out, without your sister being any the wiser. I'm sure if you explain it to your Mom, maybe make it something about you only wanting her there at first( to make her feel extra special), then she'll be willing to help you out with avoiding having your sister come around for as long as possible.<br><br>
Now it just occurred to me that you are all living together... If that is the case, then it's MUCH harder. Damn near impossible I'd say, if you plan on having the baby at home. If you are all living together, could you go elsewhere to birth, maybe in advance? Like "I am going to visit so-and-so for a couple of weeks, I'm sure I'll be home in time to deliver, yada yada..." Then you can possibly have your baby in peace, all to yourself, for at least a little while?<br><br>
Or maybe find somewhere to be or something for sister to be doing around the time of the birth? Engineer some reason for her to go visit other family?<br><br>
If you are going to be stuck with her, I'd suggest that you rally the influential parts of your family on your side as best you can... Your Mom, Dad, siblings, Aunties, whatever... And have it be made known that they are ALL very supportive of your choice and think it's silly not to be and that if something where to happen that would screw up the experience for you, that they will all be very upset and ready to retaliate against the opposer. If I had to butt-kiss and booty-butter to get more people on my side, I would. If your sister has no-one to be "concerned" with her, and knows that just about everybody important is with you, maybe she'll come around just to be in the know if not out of any real goodness.<br><br>
*hugs* Sorry that you have to deal with stress... Hope all goes well for you.
 

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I think that your fears are reasonable. In that case I would not tell anyone about the birth for a few days. Your mom is ridiculus to have a 30 yr old woman living with her making complicating all your lives. The consequence of that is that your mom will have to wait to hear about the baby a few days longer. Or, you can risk it, if you want your mom to know right away. If your mom is game, you can have some plan worked out to keep your sis in the dark.<br><br>
When you do tell, have a story for your sister (real or made up) about having taken the baby to the doctor sometime after the birth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Wow. Yes to all the posts! I dreamt last night about all of the scenarios.<br><br>
StrongBeliever - We aren't living with my parents, and Yeah, I'd have to get her out of the house! LOL. (which we are all working on!) None of us 4 other siblings think it is right to have her in my parents house!<br><br>
I was thinking of just telling her that we took the baby to the doctor and everything checked out alright. My mom would go in on that... she'd help by saying that she went to the doctors with us.<br><br>
And I have gathered all the family members that would definitely support our UC (all the important women in the family) already, and I have, today, started sharing my thoughts about my sister with them.<br><br>
Thank you ladies!!! For all of your support and natural psychology!
 

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restraining order she sounds likd a nut job
 
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