Mothering Forum banner
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,892 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh, geez, I feel like such a piece of crap. Today is one of those days where I just cannot STAND my kids. Every time I turn around, they are whining, screaming, nagging.... my 16 mo. constantly bites me.... he put his tooth through my finger this morning and drew blood... and I just never have enough energy to keep up with them. My three year old is constantly bored to tears because I just have to totally tune them out to cope with them. It sounds really horrible, and I don't know what to do. I had a nice long break from them this weekend, and I said to myself, "Wow, I am so truly blessed to have two such wonderful kids. Tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy every moment I have with my beautiful children." Yeah, right. I woke up, cranky and b*tchy as always, and they started whining, spilling things, biting and attacking one another, and generally driving me nuts. I feel like every smile is totally fake, every gentle voice is hiding a raging scream just waiting to be released.... and I know they can sense this. I just don't know what to do<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,474 Posts
Candiland, i dont know what to say. except that I too have felt that way. I mean, kids can be aggravating and exasperating! This doesnt mean i dont love my kids, but even now, my daughter at 16 can drive me up a friggin wall! sometimes, for days at a time, i spend that time with clenched teeth. what can we do? take it five minutes at a time. give myself a break, and things do change and "this too shall pass" . it certainly does, we just cant realize this at the time.<br><br>
That said, if you are with the kids 24/7, try and work some alone time several times a week in, even if its just grocery shopping by yourself.<br><br>
I hate feeling the way you describe, and sometimes have to psych myself out of it, and literally give myself a pep talk.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/caffix.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="coffee"> Lisa
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,167 Posts
I'm sorry you're having a rought day, and I know what you are talking about. Just yesterday I felt really guilty telling dh that I just didn't like ds very much right that moment. And it was totally my fault - he was just being so difficult about putting on a little vest (we were going to my neice's christening), and I just felt so frustrated that I give and give and give and give and then I have to get such crap about putting on a stupid little vest. And I logically know that he is 2, that it is totally valid that he should have some say in what he wants to wear, and all of that, but it didn't help the feeling that I had about not liking him that moment. Of course, then he was acting all adorable the rest of the day which made me feel even more guilty.<br><br>
I only have the one kid, so I don't have any great advice about dealing with 2, but when I get into moments where I am just about to snap, I usually load ds into the car and go somewhere, anywhere, just for the break I get during the car ride, and for the change of scenery.<br><br>
Please don't feel guilty - you're only human, and so are your kids, so you are bound to not like one another at some time or another. You're also bound to want to scream and wring their little necks sometime (did I just say that?!?!?!)<br><br>
And when all else fails, videos come to save the day around here. I'm not a big fan of tv, but I figure a screaming hysterical out of control mommy has got to be worse than an Elmo video.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,346 Posts
Yup, been there! I'm reading The Secret of Parenting and he talks about how kids have a "mature self" and a "baby self". I think sometimes Moms want to be the "baby self" and do a little whining and get a little babying. I find myself getting all pouty and woe is me as oceanbaby mentioned ("I give give give and all I get is crap - WAAAHHHH!"). So you really need to get away and baby yourself (unless you're so lucky you have somebody to do it for you!) a bit. I also find that when I'm annoyed with ds he acts up more so I get more annoyed so he acts up more - you get the picture. It's like two baby selves butting heads. I have to gather all my patience and make a supreme effort to not get mad and deal with transgressions calmly for about a week then things get better. I am supposed to be the mature one after all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,388 Posts
I think we all feel this way sometimes! In fact, I would never trust a parent who said that they didn't have times, or even whole days, when this was the way they were feeling.<br><br>
That said, if you feel this way all the time, or even most of the time, then it may be time to examine your day and your household and see if there are some changes that need to be made. Do you get at least a little recharge time? I don't know too many mothers who say they get enough, but everyone needs at least a little. Does your partner help enough around the house and with the kids? Do you need to examine your discipline strategy to eliminate some of the whining or other behaviours that really bother you? Do you need to make a commitment to something else in your life besides children and family? All good questions that you might want to take some serious time to think about. For me, if things are out of balance, then I can tell because I feel like you describe for an extended period of time.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,519 Posts
hey, we had the same morning. except i didn't get bitten. i did get whacked though.<br><br>
i have a just turned 2 yo and an almost 4 yo that are with me 30 hours a day 8 days a week. high maintenance and exhausting is what they are. but some days are better than others.<br><br>
i figure that all i can do on those days is let the river of chaos take me and just try to keep my nose above water.<br><br>
these are the days that i get everything breakable or spillable out of the way and let them destroy everything else or take them outside and let them run wild. whatever works. dh can always tell when we had "one of those days" because he comes home to paint all over, flour or some other explosion everywhere or every toy in the house pulled out. anything to keep them busy and mama sane.<br><br>
i wish i had a magical answer for you. just know that you're not alone and don't feel guilty because we all feel like this at one point or another. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,748 Posts
TOday was one of those days where ds is biting me, hitting me, throwing things at me and spitting on me and when he's not doing that he's whining and carrying on about something being broken when it's not, or someother thing that I can't figure out.<br><br>
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
680 Posts
Candiland,<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
You are 100% normal and every thing is going to be all right. You know, parenting is the hardest job on earth, and one of the very least supported! If you were pushed to your limits at a paycheck job, you would be offered a different position or some help or at least a chance to get the heck out of the situation. However, being a mother is a lifelong commitment to grow people who have their fingers on ALL of your buttons and yet you love dearly. No wonder you're feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.<br><br>
Now about not liking your kids, this also is a normal response to being way overdone. In fact, your kids behavior may sometimes be less than charming (biting, for example!!) but you still like your kids.<br><br>
If you wonder about this, imagine you could press a secret button and your kids would forget all about you. You'd remember them, but they would not remember you. They'd be cared for, nurtured, loved, and grow into healthy happy adults but you would be out of the picture. You'd be free! Would you press that button?<br><br>
What I think moms need most is a safe, supportive place to vent out the feelings that clog us sometimes. Parenting is HARD! And sometimes you want to drop-kick your beloved to Ohio <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And you are rarely, oh so rarely, acknowledged for the WONDERFUL JOB you are doing!! It's hard, Candiland, and you are doing a great job.<br><br>
I go every two weeks to meet a group of mothers and we listen to each other. There are only two rules: no advice allowed, and no one is allowed to refer to what someone talked about after the session - ever. We simply think well of each other, listen, and encourage the feelings to roll out of our mouths, whatever irrational thing that's fogging up our clear thinking. And plenty of our sessions start with, I feel badly, but I just don't like my kids today!<br><br>
By the way, this listening time is also done by moms by phone. 10 minutes each. If you want more info and tips, PM me.<br><br>
Sorry so long, Candiland, I just want you to know you're right there with the rest of us. And you will be all right. Your kids are lucky to have you and you're doing a good job.<br><br><br>
Warmly,<br>
CurlyTop
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
715 Posts
I have a suggestion, It may not apply to you but just in case... I was recently takling with another mother (to 2 boys) who told me that one day she was having a very bad day with her boys they were screaming and fighting and everythig was awfl. She realized that things usually go this way when the TV is on. The mother turned the TV off took it outside and left it out for the garbage man. She swears that her life had been much more peaceful since.<br><br>
Now I don't know if you have TV in your home but if you do you may want to try that approach. I myself do not have any TV reception and use the TV for movies only, life is more peacful without the TV.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,596 Posts
((((Candiland)))) I wish I had some suggstion or another, but did want to confirm that you are not alone with these feelings. I have them too quite often.<br><br>
You know though, its not really *them.* If I spent this much time with *anyone* I would get sick of them and feel cranky about being stuck with them. Honestly, if I were alone with my dearest friend 24/7 -- I would get sick of her! It doesn't mean we don't love our kids, it means we need some space.<br><br>
One thing I miss is having the luxery to wake up slowly in the morning. It is *so* hard to have kids on top of me demanding things beginning right at the crack of dawn. DH helps peel them off me, and does his best to give me morning-time space. But it doesn't work perfectly.<br><br>
It does get easier though. I promise. My 7 yo is finally starting to lay off when I need space. I can't imagine how different things will seem around here when they are both "big kids."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
The entire idea that we should find fulfillment and identity in "mothering" leaves no room for the reality that we are living with actual persons with BIG personalities and BIGGER needs.<br><br>
I am glad you feel safe posting your frustration.... you aren't alone. Did you see the HUNDREDS of people who read your story? I bet all of them breathed a sigh of relief to see that they aren't alone!!!!<br><br><br>
Peace<br>
MSL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,366 Posts
candiland <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm having one of those days too. I actually got in the car with my boys and said, "No one speak to me until this car stops!" I just needed a moment of peace.<br><br>
I have a 3 mth old with a cold who was up all night and then cried all day long, a 3 yr old who kicked and hit me and the baby all day and a 5 yr old who whined all day - not to mention that I got lost for 20 minutes while running an errand and then my baby's carseat broke when I was removing it from the car. . .<br><br>
Need I say more about my day?<br><br>
So I hear ya - I'm not liking my kids today so much - truely I'm not liking <i>anyone</i> right now. I just want to get some sleep and be left alone!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Bolt.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bolt"> (me running away to hide)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,892 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Aww, thank you so much, everyone<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
It feels great to know that I'm not some strange weirdo for having these feelings sometimes. All of your comments, as I read them, made me feel better and better and better....<br>
about the t.v. thing: we don't really watch much t.v. I've actually TRIED to make them watch something to give myself a break, and they won't have any of that<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: Is this a blessing in disguise<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:<br>
Anyway, I really, really appreciate all of you who took time out of your own insanely busy lives to make little ol' me feel so much better.<br>
Thank you, thank you, thank you!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,995 Posts
There's nothing guiltful about what you're feeling but I'd suggest you discover your triggers and short circut some of the really annoying things.<br><br>
You shouldn't accept being bitten, for example, there are gentle approaches to discouraging this.<br><br>
If the spills are getting you down you might want to give them only water until they don't spill (or, heck, use the darn sippy cups)<br><br>
You might want to address the whining, I hate whining and I give my children *nothing* for whining and they don't whine that much, I'm a hardass, yes, but I do value my sanity.<br><br>
Remember, this is an intense stage, it won't last forever, perhaps just a few more months and they will be off to another stage.<br><br>
One more thing, if they're bored, try to do something "fun" every day, this might help them, have a walk to the park or a fun shopping trip or a visit with friends or storytime at the library.....having something to look forward-to helps pass the day.<br><br>
Quiet time is helpful as well, try to get them to do quiet time if they don't nap, seperating them for short bursts seems to help for me.<br><br>
Remember you're not alone we all seem to have these times.<br><br>
DB
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top