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I see people who've ended relationships over serious issues: abuse, alcoholism, neglect... thretening situastions to a family...
I almost feel like my reasons aren't good enough. Its a lot of little things. Its the lack of intimacy and honesty mainly. Its feeling over responsible and he is under responsible.
ok here's the part where I ramble...
I'm just feeling blah lately.. Like I don't want to do anything, what's the point. I run out of energy to finish tasks and feel as though I am accomplishing little.
I have been working my full time schedule for months now, due to staffing shortages. Seems as though there are all kinds of staffing problems at work. This was going to be the first week I got my extra day off in a long time and I ended up going in an extra day to help a local pharmacy who has a guy out on disability. The good news is it looks like I am beiong transfered to that store permanently. This store is only 6 miles away, compared to 30 miles of my current store
Well, I am also running short on funds. It seems I'm a little over my head in debt and spending and my pay is barely keeping pace My dh offered to help with my dipes rather than get a job, but he hasn't done too much to help my biz at all! He does a lot around the house and outside. When he isn't doing chores around here he's at his buddys' houses playing poker, playstation, or at wal mart or runs 6 errands a day! I have no idea what he is doing. If he is here, he is playing that stupid playstation game...
So then yesterday I happen to open my savings account statement.. I don't always, because I am not withdrawing money from it so no need to check it.. or so I thought! turns out my dh has been making small withdrawls from my savings account over the last month! Totaling about $500. I know it isn't much, but I was counting on having enough in there to pay off my Subaru (~$4000) and then buy a new Subaru and start a new loan... our Honda is really only big enough for one baby seat and the driver and that won't fly for baby #2. I wanted to at least have enough $$ in there for the "what ifs" ya know? I like to have a little back up in case something horrible happens... like I loose my job or some huge unexpected expense...
so I am pissed he was basicly hoping I wouldn't notice he was taking ATM withdrawls from that account, plus my checking account and then there's his credit card...
well now he is saying he might need a job so he can have his own money. that is a wholenother story...
we spoke a week ago or so when I last got pissed.. frankly I can't even remember why. Oh the 5am thing... he was gone when I woke up at 3:45am and I didn't know where he was and no note. We talked about leaving note, as this isn't the first time this has happened. I called the cell and no answer. He called me back about 5am to tell me he had to go pick up a friend who's car bropke down 100miles away! Highly unbelievable.. well we spoke later and he said if I divorce him he wants me to send him to school?!?!?! Hello! You had how many years to go to school before dd was even a thought... and you blew it. How is this my responsibility now?! He hasn't worked since 1999 and hasn't been to school since 1996.
He, dh, seems so kind and caring at times and then just so irresposible and decpetive at others. I can't seem to trust my perceptions of feelings any longer. I am beingging to think maybe I am inpossible to please and I am causing all the conflict and problems. Like if I gave dh enough spending money he wouldn't be sneaking cash outta my savings account. Maybe I am like the mean old 1950's husband..
I dunno... I just know I am not happy. I've been thinking maybe I should sell my biz or start selling off my supplies to pay my debts. I love the biz, but its overwhelming and I can't keep up with the demand like I would like. OTOH its the only thing that really gives me any joy, but its making miserable atthe same time. I hate my regular job.. just cuz its unfullfilling and boring. It pays my bills, though.
Called my mom yesterday to tell her about the savings account and how I'd like to just be done with this relationship. I thought maybe she'd offer to help take care of dd, like she did before, but instead she said "How are you going to make it?" "Maybe you should give him spending money for his self esteem"
I just got the feeling she didn't wanna help really...
I almost feel like my reasons aren't good enough. Its a lot of little things. Its the lack of intimacy and honesty mainly. Its feeling over responsible and he is under responsible.
ok here's the part where I ramble...
I'm just feeling blah lately.. Like I don't want to do anything, what's the point. I run out of energy to finish tasks and feel as though I am accomplishing little.
I have been working my full time schedule for months now, due to staffing shortages. Seems as though there are all kinds of staffing problems at work. This was going to be the first week I got my extra day off in a long time and I ended up going in an extra day to help a local pharmacy who has a guy out on disability. The good news is it looks like I am beiong transfered to that store permanently. This store is only 6 miles away, compared to 30 miles of my current store
Well, I am also running short on funds. It seems I'm a little over my head in debt and spending and my pay is barely keeping pace My dh offered to help with my dipes rather than get a job, but he hasn't done too much to help my biz at all! He does a lot around the house and outside. When he isn't doing chores around here he's at his buddys' houses playing poker, playstation, or at wal mart or runs 6 errands a day! I have no idea what he is doing. If he is here, he is playing that stupid playstation game...
So then yesterday I happen to open my savings account statement.. I don't always, because I am not withdrawing money from it so no need to check it.. or so I thought! turns out my dh has been making small withdrawls from my savings account over the last month! Totaling about $500. I know it isn't much, but I was counting on having enough in there to pay off my Subaru (~$4000) and then buy a new Subaru and start a new loan... our Honda is really only big enough for one baby seat and the driver and that won't fly for baby #2. I wanted to at least have enough $$ in there for the "what ifs" ya know? I like to have a little back up in case something horrible happens... like I loose my job or some huge unexpected expense...
so I am pissed he was basicly hoping I wouldn't notice he was taking ATM withdrawls from that account, plus my checking account and then there's his credit card...
well now he is saying he might need a job so he can have his own money. that is a wholenother story...
we spoke a week ago or so when I last got pissed.. frankly I can't even remember why. Oh the 5am thing... he was gone when I woke up at 3:45am and I didn't know where he was and no note. We talked about leaving note, as this isn't the first time this has happened. I called the cell and no answer. He called me back about 5am to tell me he had to go pick up a friend who's car bropke down 100miles away! Highly unbelievable.. well we spoke later and he said if I divorce him he wants me to send him to school?!?!?! Hello! You had how many years to go to school before dd was even a thought... and you blew it. How is this my responsibility now?! He hasn't worked since 1999 and hasn't been to school since 1996.
He, dh, seems so kind and caring at times and then just so irresposible and decpetive at others. I can't seem to trust my perceptions of feelings any longer. I am beingging to think maybe I am inpossible to please and I am causing all the conflict and problems. Like if I gave dh enough spending money he wouldn't be sneaking cash outta my savings account. Maybe I am like the mean old 1950's husband..
I dunno... I just know I am not happy. I've been thinking maybe I should sell my biz or start selling off my supplies to pay my debts. I love the biz, but its overwhelming and I can't keep up with the demand like I would like. OTOH its the only thing that really gives me any joy, but its making miserable atthe same time. I hate my regular job.. just cuz its unfullfilling and boring. It pays my bills, though.
Called my mom yesterday to tell her about the savings account and how I'd like to just be done with this relationship. I thought maybe she'd offer to help take care of dd, like she did before, but instead she said "How are you going to make it?" "Maybe you should give him spending money for his self esteem"
I just got the feeling she didn't wanna help really...