[gromero]

I have no idea where to begin...For the past year or so, I have been feeling so dang overwhelmed, stressed out, angry, antsy, tired, just everything. I know that some of these feelings are normal, I mean I am a mom of 4 kids and I homeschool them, but I swear I know the intensity of what I am feeling is what is not normal, it is insane.

I can't handle when little things happen...such as the kids knocking hangers off the table while I am folding laundry...I end up screaming at them. These little things are just sending me over the edge, and while deep down I *know* I am not having a normal reaction, I can't control my it. I have even thrown a few things in pure anger. Never at the kids, but none the less I shouldn't even be throwing stuff.

I have zero....not one single ounce of motivation to do anything...clean, cook, shower...nothing. For dinner at night, I tell the kids to grab whatever they can out of the kitchen to eat. This is not me!! I used to cook every dinner and now I have no desire to do so.

The state of my house is deplorable...there are messes and clutter everywhere. Right now the baby is playing with crushed Life cereal at the table and it is falling to the floor and I just don't care.

The baby is still 100% ebf., we are having some problems with getting him to eat solids right now (we are seeing an OT for this), so I can't wean him. He nurses as much if not more as he did as a newborn, and I am hating every single minute of it. The grabbing of my hair, the pushing me with his feet, just everything, is making my skin crawl. Add this to the fact that he is a mamas boy who needs to be held 24/7, sometimes I feel like throwing him through a wall. What is going on with me? I love him and all my kids but I honestly feel like...I don't know...like I am having this weird outer body experience...I know I am doing certain things but I don't feel myself doing them. Does that even make sense?

I can't even handle being touched right now...one of the kids brushed up against me earlier and I yelled at them.

Dh does not get it. He does nothing around the house or with the kids. I am essentially a single mom. Dh works nights, so I wake him at 8pm for work, and he is out of the house by 8:45pm. He gets home at 7am, plops his butt in front of the computer until noon and then heads to bed. The expectations that are placed on me are pushing me over the edge...if I don't make him something to eat for his dinner when he gets home, he says that it's because I don't think he deserves to eat, things like that. He will manipulate me emotionally to get his way. I know this, I acknowledge it, and it will be changing because I refuse to live like this anymore, but right now I am realizing I need to focus on me before anything else. I feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin, and if I am feeling this way about myself, I can't imagine what I am and have been putting my family through.

What do I do, who do I see?

 

[rclaz]

Hey there,
First off, I'd suggest you hire a mother's helper for even 30 minutes a day. Get out and get some time for yourself! Or, enroll your kids in some extracurricular stuff to get some free time. Playdates? Group activity they have to complete together and you can do lay down for 30 minutes? You need some space, is what it sounds like to me. I felt similarly as you before. How old is your baby?
I'm sorry DH is not being a support to you. Perhaps you can see a PPD counselor and include him? He really needs to be there for you right now...to help get through the "intense" phase, you know?

 

[lil_earthmomma]

I can relate to reacting and knowing your reaction was off but not being able to stop it.

I talked to my family doctor, and she put me on celexa and I feel so much better!

: I have motivation again, I laugh and play with my babies and don't feel so tired and blah. My suicidal feelings and thoughts are gone, and my anxious worry obsessive thoughts are almost completely gone, and are easily controlled.

Definitely get some help, and don't let anyone tell you that you don't need it.

 

[Stackmama]

Oh mama, you have way too much on your plate and that's why you are becoming overwhelmed. You need to have a good discussion with your dh about helping with some of the responsibilities and pronto. He's ablebodied and has two hands, I'm assuming, so why is he not making things easier? You have every right to feel the way you are feeling right now-- I think any mother would. Don't hesitate to talk to a therapist or doctor about your feelings because believe it or not, medication can work miracles.

I experienced postpartum depression with both daughters to the point of postpartum psychosis with my second. I got to the point of being in my car with both children and preparing to punch the gas to drive us into whatever obstacle was in our way until we perished. Faith told me not to. Luckily, we are still here thanks to some great medications, books, and therapy. I was so depressed and out of it that I literally filed for and finalized a divorce from my husband that I barely recollect doing today. It was awful. I regret it every day. Please get help in any way you can. I'm an extreme case but you definitely want to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

Warmest hugs and best wishes to you mama.

 

[Cascia]

Sounds like you could use some help around the house. Find out what kind of resources you have maybe a friend or a relative could help you out a day or two. Also make sure you are seeing a counselor. I hope things get better for you soon!