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Discussion Starter #1
<p>It's just a feeling I have. I don't have any real reason. I went to bed last night with a sense that it was over. Then I dreamt that I miscarried at 6w2d, which is today. I woke this morning with the same sense and no pregnancy feelings at all. I've been sick with a cold and was very sick yesterday and the day before. I think I'm finally getting over my cold. I have more energy, my nose isn't as congested and runny and my sinuses don't hurt anymore.</p>
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<p>I thought I might have been getting pregnancy nausea yesterday. I felt sick all day and didn't really want to eat anything. When I did eat, I got full very fast. My breasts had been sore and I was having to go to the bathroom a lot. I had been waking up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom.</p>
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<p>Last night I only had to get up once at 4:45. I didn't wake up again until 7:30 and even then I didn't feel like I had to go the bathroom really bad that I had been feeling. My breasts are not sore at all. I woke up very hungry and don't feel the least bit nauseous. On top of that, I don't feel bloated or heavy or fully in my uterine/pelvic region.</p>
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<p>I know none of this means anything definitive at this point. I haven't had any spotting or bleeding but, at this point, it would probably take a few days for my hCG to drop to the point that that would start. Plus, I'm on progesterone, which could delay any of that. I haven't had any bad cramps or backache or anything. I just don't <em>feel</em> pregnant.</p>
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<p>I have an u/s tomorrow to check for growth and increased heart rate. I had an u/s last week at 5w3d and, to my shock, saw the heartbeat with a rate of 127 bpm. I know that lowers my risk of m/c a bit but with my history and age it's not much. I still have at least a 20% chance of m/c. My doc said that once I get to 10w with a good heartbeat and growth my m/c risk will drop to less than 1%.</p>
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<p>I hope I'm just being paranoid. Hopefully, this is just fear and anxiety about tomorrow's u/s manifesting itself.</p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> to you MW. I don't know what to tell you. I don't have that full uterus feeling either but then again, I can't say that I had it with my last pregnancy either. I had a dream over the weekend that I was bleeding and it freaked me out so much. In the dream, the medical staff kept trying to tell me that my baby was fine but I was just like "Then where the heck is all this blood coming from?!?" I'll be thinking about you tomorrow when you go for your follow-up scan.</span></p>
 

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Discussion Starter #3
<p>Thanks, Annie. I feel like there's something seriously wrong with me. I don't understand why I can't just chill. I mean, it makes sense that I've had some anxiety but this is ridiculous. I am completely immobile now. I can't do anything. I keep wandering around the house picking up this or cleaning up that and then losing track of what I was doing and ending up curled up on the couch. I've even been trying to feel my uterus as if I would know where it's supposed to be.</p>
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<p>I made the huge mistake of taking another hpt. The test line is lighter. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I continued to test when I was pg with ds3 at around 6+w the test lines started to get lighter and eventually became very faint like early BFPs. I keep reminding myself of that but it doesn't really make me feel any better.</p>
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<p>I thought about calling my doc to see if I could get an u/s today but I don't feel like driving all that way today. I'm also not sure I want to know for sure that's it's over yet.</p>
 

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<p>Well let's look at this scientifically. All evidence at this point shows that your baby is alive. You saw a heartbeat and you're not spotting or cramping. Is there anything you can do today with your boys to get your mind off this? Drive to the beach? Go to the mall and window-shop for toys? Decorate a gingerbread house?</p>
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<p>What time is your scan tomorrow?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #5
<p>It's too cold for me to go out. I am such a wimp when it comes to cold weather. I cannot stand being cold. My appointment is at 1:45.</p>
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<p>I know everything at this point indicates that I am still pg and there's no reason to think anything is wrong. I did feel this same way the day that I got that other u/s and I was pleasantly surprised. I think I also felt the same way when I was pg with ds3. A friend of mine reminded me that I was freaking out about lack of symptoms and such at just about the same time. And, either way, there's nothing anyone could do so there's really no point in worrying or being upset. Ironically, now that I'm hungry I still can't eat because of nerves. <span><img alt="eyesroll.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/eyesroll.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>I hope this helps - I had ultrasounds at 6w6d, 8w1d and 10w5d. Before each and every one, I was 100% convinced that the baby had passed. Like, my intuition was screaming it. When the baby popped up with a heartbeat each and every time - it shocked the hell out of me. Mainly because I knew with each one of my losses when the baby had passed. I finally gave up on trusting my intuition this time around because obviously it was so messed up in that area from the grief and such that my mind was literally protecting me from more hurt. I sincerely hope that this is the case with you as well - I hope that you see a beautiful growing baby with a heartbeat. ((((hugs))))</p>
 

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<p>If it makes you feel any better I had completely convinced myself last week before my appt that my baby was dead too ~ I called my mother and cried for an hour convinced I was going to see bad things on the u/s and be sent home with terrible news. I was not ~ they did a little u/s peek and saw baby move and saw the heart flutter. It helped me in the moment but now I am back to being worried. I puked on Saturday afternoon and had some nausea yesterday but today I have been pretty good (although I had to call DH to bring me food at work because I felt myself falling off the wagon a bit). But when I feel better I find myself starting to panic that something is really wrong and the baby is no longer alive...</p>
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<p>So you are not alone and as much as we shouldn't worry ~ we do. We come here and read all the stories of the missed miscarriages and cannot help but sympathize and put ourselves in those shoes. I think we all do it ~ and we all have a hard time taking the advice of ~ everything is pointing to "good" with no blood, no cramps, no symptoms of a miscarriage so hang onto that until you know differently!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #8
<p>Thanks, Rachel and lokidoki. That does help some. I've been hoping that I'm just so worried about another m/c that my intuition is wrong this time. I was wrong last week. Maybe it's my subconscious trying to protect me. I don't know if I can take another loss. On the other hand, I don't have any other choice if I want another baby.</p>
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<p>I slept for a couple of hours today and feel like I could sleep some more. I tend to shut down when things get too stressful. I just want to sleep until it's time for my scan.</p>
 

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<p>How many weeks along are you? I kept telling myself, the odds go down for m/c once you see a heartbeat, the odds go down once you hit 8 weeks, etc. anything to help get me through the first tri. Is it tomorrow for the scan or today?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #10
<p>I'm 6w2d today. My appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I thought my chances of m/c would drop dramatically after seeing the heartbeat until I read that I still have at least a 20% chance of m/c because of my age and my history of RPL. That's the same as or even still a bit higher than the general chance of m/c. My doc said that once I get to 10w if there is a good heartbeat and normal growth my risk of m/c drops to less than 1%. He said I could get weekly scans until 12w. At first I thought I wouldn't want to do that but now I'm thinking I may need to get them for my own peace of mind.</p>
 

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<p>Yeah, I know what you mean about the odds - mine were something like 46% in favor of miscarrying with this baby. I would totally get the weekly scans - I counted down the days to each one of mine - they were the only thing that kept me sane (that and the betas I kept getting until I started the scans). I would also HIGHLY recommend getting a personal doppler but don't start using it until you are sure you will get the heartbeat or can go in if you can't (like not on a Saturday afternoon and not before 10-11 weeks, if you catch my drift).That really really helped keep me sane as well and I have used it occasionally in the second  tri fr when I was having momentary freakouts and was convinced that the baby had passed. Turns out I have an anterior placenta and didn't really feel kicks until 15-16 weeks (compared to 10-12 with DD). So longwinded, but yeah, get the scans.</p>
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<p>(((hugs)))</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #12
<p>I have been thinking about getting a home doppler. I rented one when I was pg with ds2 and back then I didn't even know I had this RPL problem.</p>
 

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<p>You sound like me at the beginning of this pregnancy.  I was convinced I was losing the baby and was having anxiety attacks about it.</p>
<p>I'm on the "advanced maternal age" spectrum (big time) and knew the statistics.</p>
<p>I would opt in for the weekly USs.  If they were offered to me I would have jumped at them.</p>
<p>Once I passed 13 weeks, I was ok until 16 weeks when I had a full on meltdown which had me rushing in for a doppler check at my MW.  </p>
<p>I bought a doppler and that helped until I could feel the baby move a few weeks later.</p>
<p>sometimes just meditating and saying "whatever will be, already is" helped me. </p>
<p>everything is just so out of our hands.  which sucks but is so true.</p>
<p>you have no reason to believe that anything has changed since your last US.  You have seen a HB and all that is promising.</p>
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<p>Hang in there. Hope tomorrow brings a beautiful bouncy bean on US.</p>
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<p>PS...I bought my doppler on ebay, i might check there before renting.  I got a great one (used but barely used) that was really sensitive and is higher quality I think than some of the ones you can rent.</p>
<p>There is a market for them too, so I can sell it back on ebay.  Plus when I was looking to rent one, I had heard some folks tell me (on here) one of the big companies had some issues with stopping the monthly billing they do automatically and I didn't want to deal with that. </p>
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<p>also, I meant to ask, what is RPL?</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>finnegansmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283803/i-feel-like-it-s-over#post_16098086"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>also, I meant to ask, what is RPL?</p>
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<br><br><p> recurrent pregnancy loss, i believe.</p>
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<p>MarineWife - I'm thinking about you!!!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #16
<p>Michelle ~ Yeah, RPL = repeated or recurrent pregnancy loss. This is my 11th pregnancy, if you can believe that, but I only have 3 live children. The risk of m/c after seeing a heartbeat if you have RPL is 17% but the risk of having a m/c if you are AMA (which I am at 40) is 20%. I sure hope those aren't combined if you fall into both categories. On top of that, I also have PCOS so my risk of miscarriage is 35-50% to begin with.</p>
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<p>I was trying to find info about m/c and seeing the heartbeat before 6w but couldn't find any. All info assumes the heartbeat can't be seen before 6w. I'm sure about my baby's GA because I chart and know when I ovulated. There's no way I ovulated earlier. So I don't know how those statistics apply to seeing the heartbeat in the 5th week. I did read that the chance of m/c was high if the heartbeat was slow but slow was less than 90 bpm. Normal for 6w was only something like 110-130. I thought it was supposed to be faster. Anyway, my baby's heart rate last week was 127 so I think that's pretty good.</p>
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<p>I'm still not feeling it this morning. I actually feel like my belly has shrunk. I've gained a pound but that doesn't mean anything. My weight can fluctuate by a couple of pounds each week anyway. I</p>
<p>had another night without having to get up to use the bathroom several times. I woke up starving rather than feeling sick.</p>
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<p>I try to repeat little things in my head, too. Mostly, it's stuff about how the baby is just fine and that will be proven on the u/s. I do sometimes say things to myself about how it is what it is and I can't change it.</p>
 

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<p>I just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>MarineWife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1283803/i-feel-like-it-s-over#post_16098785"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Michelle ~ Yeah, RPL = repeated or recurrent pregnancy loss. This is my 11th pregnancy, if you can believe that, but I only have 3 live children. The risk of m/c after seeing a heartbeat if you have RPL is 17% but the risk of having a m/c if you are AMA (which I am at 40) is 20%. I sure hope those aren't combined if you fall into both categories. On top of that, I also have PCOS so my risk of miscarriage is 35-50% to begin with.</p>
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<p>I was trying to find info about m/c and seeing the heartbeat before 6w but couldn't find any. All info assumes the heartbeat can't be seen before 6w. I'm sure about my baby's GA because I chart and know when I ovulated. There's no way I ovulated earlier. So I don't know how those statistics apply to seeing the heartbeat in the 5th week. I did read that the chance of m/c was high if the heartbeat was slow but slow was less than 90 bpm. Normal for 6w was only something like 110-130. I thought it was supposed to be faster. Anyway, my baby's heart rate last week was 127 so I think that's pretty good.</p>
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<p>I'm still not feeling it this morning. I actually feel like my belly has shrunk. I've gained a pound but that doesn't mean anything. My weight can fluctuate by a couple of pounds each week anyway. I</p>
<p>had another night without having to get up to use the bathroom several times. I woke up starving rather than feeling sick.</p>
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<p>I try to repeat little things in my head, too. Mostly, it's stuff about how the baby is just fine and that will be proven on the u/s. I do sometimes say things to myself about how it is what it is and I can't change it.</p>
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<p><br>
I went for a dating u/s and was dated at 5w6d and the HB was 110...so it can be seen before the 6w mark. I think somehow our anxiety also overrides the pregnancy symptoms...kind of like our bodies can only feel so much and if we are covered up in anxiety it lessens the feelings of the pregnancy symptoms. When I am most anxious about my pregnancy I tend to feel the other symptoms less and feel more anxiety. When the anxiety lessens the other symptoms creep in and I notice them more. I know it is so hard to relax...truly I do know because I struggle daily...but we all have to try very hard to do it in order to just hang on! Focus on that baby in your belly as much as you can in a positive way!</p>
 

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<p>Marine Wife, I truly understand the anxiety of being afraid to lose the baby. My first appt is tommorow and I am going to ASK for more ultrasounds. So long as it doesn't hurt the baby and it is covered by insurance. To be honest, I am petrified!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #20
<p><span class="postbody">I have good news and maybe not so good news. Baby was still there and still had a heartbeat. The doc said he was happy with the growth. Baby measured 6w4d, so 1 day ahead, and gestational sac was 6w6d. Everything looked perfect.<br><br>
The heart rate was slower, though, I think. I asked the doc and he said it was fine, a good strong, heartbeat. He wouldn't tell me what it was, though. Last time he gave me a pick with the heart rate on it, 127. This time he didn't. I'm pretty sure I read 116 on the screen.<br><br>
I'm going to try not to worry since the doc was happy with it. It's a little strange, though, because he was concerned last week that it was a little slow at 127.</span></p>
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<p><span class="postbody">My doc said that one study showed that just getting an u/s every week reduced the m/c rate for women with RPL. I can see how that might work if it helps with the fear and anxiety. Getting that reassurance sure does help. The other doc I was seeing at first wouldn't let me come in for an u/s until 9w. I broke down and cried in his office but he refused. That's why I don't see him anymore.</span></p>
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<p><span class="postbody">Now I'm off to google slowing heart rates, which I know I shouldn't do because I won't be able to learn anything definitive about myself and it will probably just cause more anxiety but I can't help it.</span></p>
 
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