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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From my family. I am overwhelmed and feel like I am losing my mind. I am currently on meds for depression and they do not seem to be helping me. They are free samples mil gets at her office because right now we are trying to save for a down payment on surgery for dh and cannot afford the meds and the doc required in my area to get them through.<br><br>
But anyway, my kids are out of control and I dont know what to do. Ds1 is alright, normal preteen. Its the younger ones. April has SID, low muscle tone and speech delays. She often acts alot like an autistic child(speaking as the sib and cousin of severely autistic people) and her meltdowns are unpredictable, violent, loud and dramatic. I try to hold her and calm her but guess what? Isaac is a really jealous little boy. Whenever I give attention to sister he freaks and will stand there and screech until not only is he on my lap too, but until he pushes at April until she gives in and gets off to shut him up. THen he wants to nurse after that. EVERY time April is getting love from me. Then there is dh over in his chair in front of the tv not even trying to figure out what is wrong with them. His solution is to yell at them to shut up and even swat them here and there. Apriul has other issues too. NOises or the anticipation of certain noises(high pitched, no matter the volume) freak her out. She HAS to wear certain clothes and we have fights over them when they are so dirty that she cannot wear them until I can at least get them washed again. Another dramatic meltdown that will most likely get dh all riled up. Dd is very easily frustated and will start having fits over the slightest irritation. Figuring her out can often be like a game of charades.<br><br>
Then theres middle of the night issues. April often wakes up freaked out over something or the other. Last night it was because we could not find her Pooh bear for a minute. This woke up Isaac. I had two screaming children and mil was visiting and sleeping in dds room so they were both in my room. I cannot get April back to sleep unless I nurse Isaac down first, which often requires letting dd have her fit while nursing him down.So last night April got Pooh back and as she was about to lay back down, dh woke up and had his own fit yelling at her to get out. We all left the room and she started crying because she wanted to sleep in our bed with us. So of course, this wakes mil and ds1.<br><br>
Things like this are a regular occurence and I am nearly at the end of my rope. Even with the meds I am on, I can barely function anymore. Getting me and the little ones dressed before 11 is an accomplishment. How I function at my job is amazing. Working away from home actually gets me out a little and gets me some socialization. But that is another issue. Dh is home with them in the evenings while I work. But, he gets "tired" and "needs" his sleep and often will go to sleep and leave 10 year old wiht the babies while he sleeps. NOw , this last two weeks has was sick with strep, but that is no excuse to leave them like that. HOw can I help support our family if I am at work stressed over how my kids are cared for. Dh is pretty self centered in general. Its all about his wants and needs.<br><br>
My life is one big out of control mess and I see no way to fix it in my clouded frame of mind.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
Wow... I am so sorry you are in such a horrible funk.<br><br>
I have been close to the end of my rope before. I once started to google "nervous breakdown". I told someone once, "I would totally freak out and have a major breakdown where I had to be hospitalized, but guess what? I can't. I don't have anyone to watch my kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> " I know what it is like to have 2 kids climbing on you at the same time. I currently take Zoloft and it really helps.<br><br>
I think you need to look at several things:<br><br>
1. Obviously, your dh needs to step up a bit. I don't know how you are going to get him to do that, but it needs to be done.<br><br>
2. Is there anyone who can help you at all besides dh? Could you afford to have someone help clean your house? Is there a trustworthy teenager that might be able to come for a few hours a week to play with one or both of the little ones? Anything like that at all?<br><br>
That is all I can think of and I know it is not that helpful... I am sorry. Remember at least that your kids are getting bigger every day and you are only going forward. You will not always have to nurse your baby down. Babies eventually sleep better (I hear). I hope someone else can give you some better words of hope... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gridley13</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have been close to the end of my rope before. I once started to google "nervous breakdown". I told someone once, "I would totally freak out and have a major breakdown where I had to be hospitalized, but guess what? I can't. I don't have anyone to watch my kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> "</div>
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Yup. Exactly. I cannot "give in" to the "luxury" of losing it. I have just got a diagnosis for dd these last two months and I am going to look into support groups. We moved away from the only trustworthy help 10 months ago. Six hours away. He has family here, but they are people I would not leave my pet rock with. I actually have given thought to checking myself into a hospital but again, the money issue and who would keep the kids and how would I be able to make them understand?<br><br>
The thing with dh seems hopeless. We were actually in counseling for about two years. During my pg with Isaac is when things really started to get intense. Dh whines about counseling does not help and only went to humor me. Yeah, it helps when the people involved are willing to be helped. I have contemplated a divorce and still am on the fence about it as I wiegh it all.
 

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I am really sorry for the situation you are in right now. I can relate in so many ways as a fellow SID/sensory issues mom.<br><br>
It's so hard to function when you are depressed, and then to have such challenges. My strategy on some days is to just make it through the next 30 minutes. I also try to get out of the house because it forces me to be with other adults even just passing them by, and it somehow makes me feel more normal.<br><br>
I'm going to move this to Special Needs . . .
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Gidget</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He has family here, but they are people I would not leave my pet rock with.</div>
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I know what you mean... my mom always says stuff like, "If you keep complaining about not having any time to do stuff, why don't you just get a babysitter?"<br><br>
My one year old screams his head off when he is left with dh for 10 minutes when I get my monthly shower (instead of my usual co-bathing with both kids which is interesting...) and that is his daddy! If I left him with someone he didn't know I honestly think he would just curl up and die of separation paranoia (he is beyond separation anxiety). It's not that easy. I have a feeling my parents didn't think twice about who they left us with. And I have a pretty crappy relationship with my mom. I want better for mine, hence my AP practices.
 

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Oh mama, my heart is breaking for you!<br><br>
Here's something that might be a bit of help for you ... <a href="http://www.bodyecologydiet.com/" target="_blank">Body Ecology Diet</a>. My DS is also a high-needs, extremely sensitive child who exhibits certain ADHD-like behaviors. The BEDROCK program has worked wonders for him!!! It can be a bit expensive, and also a bit overwhelming at first, but seriously, it is the single most important factor in my son's mental, emotional and physical health. And as you can see on the site, there is a lot of information regarding autism and related issues.<br><br>
If you are interested in learning more about the B.E.D, PM me or email me at <a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a> -- and no, I'm not in any way associated with the website, the author, etc. But as a mama who has BTDT, to a somewhat lesser degree, I can only say good things about how this program has impacted all of our lives.<br><br>
As for your DH, I don't know what to tell you. You can't get someone to fix a problem when they can't even see the problem. Personally, I would be livid. My DH can be a tad selfish at times (honestly, can't they all?!? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) but I trust him to be alone with my children. I'll leave it to someone else to advise you there, because I'm really not equipped to do so.<br><br>
Also, which medication are you taking? It may not be working. Not every anti-depressant works for every person. Personally, my Zoloft used to be my best friend ... but Paxil did nothing for me but make me even more spacey. I know you're getting it free, but perhaps you could consult with someone as to another alternative? There are often doctors/counselors who work on a sliding scale, especially those in the mental health field, who would at least be able to prescribe something else for you. (My osteopath prescribed the Zoloft, and after three visits, left me to my own devices with it unless I had an issue. So you wouldn't necessarily have to pay for several office visits.)<br><br>
I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it sounds to me that Isaac is of an age to start learning the concept of sharing mama. It's difficult, but perhaps you could attend to April and ask Isaac to wait, giving him something to keep his attention focused elsewhere? Puzzles are very absorbing for my DS, and if I can get him into one of those, I can often spend some one on one time with DD for a few moments without anyone feeling that they need to crowd the other out. So perhaps something like that, or even a special "treat" that he gets when you are helping April through an issue.<br><br>
I hope things improve for you, mama! You are in my thoughts!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh mama, I totally understand! I just spent 4 days alone (DH out of town) with ONE high needs child and I was loosing it by the end of the weekend. I started a weblog so I cold vent as much as I wanted and not bore anyone else. (See sig) I had all kinds of bad thoughts of leaving this weekend. Was in tears many times. It's so hard. I think I might need meds, but I'm pregnant now and don't want to risk it.<br><br>
I'm at work today and while I hate to leave DS, at least he is at home with a babysitter I trust. I know how much harder it would be if I didnt.<br><br>
Your DH needs to step up and now. They are his children too! When you are busy with one screaming child, he needs to spend some one on one time with the other child. If he has medical problems (you mentioned surgery) then he can read a book, do a puzzle, play tickle games - it doesnt have to be active stuff)<br><br>
Good luck. Hugs!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Gidget</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am currently on meds for depression and they do not seem to be helping me. They are free samples mil gets at her office because right now we are trying to save for a down payment on surgery for dh and cannot afford the meds and the doc required in my area to get them through.<br><br>
..... My life is one big out of control mess and I see no way to fix it in my clouded frame of mind.</div>
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Gidget, I am so sorry.<br>
I was wondering how long you have been taking your meds? Sometimes it takes a lot longer than "conventional" wisdom (mine took 3 months as opposed to the 4-8 weeks I was quoted from various sources).<br>
I understand you are saving for your DH's surgery. Please consider dipping into this fund at least for an MD to prescribe for you. You deserve to be able to function too, maybe more so, since more than your fair share seems to have landed on your shoulders.
 

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I was going to say the same thing. I'm on Zoloft because of post-traumatic stress disorder but with things getting better on that front I have continued on it due to not coping etc. Anyway, it took me almost a month to get on track with that because dosages need to be adjusted until they get it "right". You also need to build up slowely on them.<br><br>
First of all, your dh sees you all as an annoyance yet you're not getting the help you need because he "needs" surgery? umm Man I have a problem with this. You have NEEDS too. You DO. I know that that's easier said than done but shoot, your children need you! My meds cost us but my dh says he'd rather I get the help I need than be out of control thus damaging the children as well as myself. If money's an issue do you qualify for medicaid? Ugh I'm kind of angry here so forgive me. He really needs to come to the table. I'm sorry but this is a form of abuse and you don't have to take it. You are a valued person who needs to take care of herself first! I'll get off my soapbox but it just angers me that you feel you can't get the medical attention you need! It's just wrong! I know it's more complicated than you could write in a short message but shoot!! They'll probably delete this because of my soapboxing but it's how I feel.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Hugs to you, Kitty
 

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Ginger-<br><br>
Sending you hugs. I am sorry. While Goo is not SID enough that I would get her diagnosed, I strongly see SID in her. The clothes thing..UGH I can understand.<br><br><br>
We also have sleep troubles. last night was good. 2 nights ago, Goo couldn't find her bottle (don't go there..just don't) and it was NEXT TO HER HEAD. SCREAMING bloody murder, woke up Moo, who started screaming too. DH is on a med that makes him completely useless at night (he would help otherwise)(sorry hijack in progress...back to your thread)<br><br><br>
What samples are you getting? I use lexapro and that seems to do a good job for me.<br>
I hope you can find some relief in simply venting right now.<br><br>
don't know what to say about your DH.<br><br>
HUGS
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks everyone. I am on Wellbutrin right now. It has been about 3 weeks since I started. I think some of my issues have been related to sleep shortage. I have been going to bed earlier lately since lack of sleep seems to make the depression and anxiety so much worse. But I was going to bed late since I get out of work at 10 and like to relax a while before I turn in.<br><br>
Aeriane, I get wht you are saying. It is nothing I dont think about myself. I have decided that I am going to get treatment or I wont be able to take care of anyone, even dh and his surgery.
 

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I'm not on here very often but I just wanted to add a couple things. One, I know what you mean by the dh not doing anything. Mine does the same...sits in the chair and watches and my babies are both crying. Doesn't offer to lend a hand or anything. Two, I'm assuming you have a child with special needs, correct? If so, can't you get respite care? I know that I have respite nursing care. And they will watch up to three siblings. Just thought I'd throw that idea your way.<br>
I hope you get to feeling better.<br>
Hugs,<br>
SMH
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">s I get you on everything, my dh is useless I don't have the time or the luxury for a nervous breakdown and I have more than one special needs kid. I'm at the end of my rope too hon <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:s.<br><br>
Ds has autism and the sid that goes with it, both dds' have sid and all 3 of them have food allergies too. Somehow I have managed to keep 1 tiny shred of my former sanity. I would try for respite care or something, you need a break and you need help. Your dh has to understand your kids aren't typical and even if they were what good is yelling and spanking going to do? Will he read a book about it or online, anything to help him understand so he can help you and the kids cope?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Gidget</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks everyone. I am on Wellbutrin right now. It has been about 3 weeks since I started. I think some of my issues have been related to sleep shortage. I have been going to bed earlier lately since lack of sleep seems to make the depression and anxiety so much worse. But I was going to bed late since I get out of work at 10 and like to relax a while before I turn in.<br><br>
Aeriane, I get wht you are saying. It is nothing I dont think about myself. I have decided that I am going to get treatment or I wont be able to take care of anyone, even dh and his surgery.</div>
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YIKES! Becareful of Welbutrin! My practioner won't prescribe it for me because it can INCREASE anxiety. It is not a good med for those who are already prone to anixety.<br><br>
Just wanted you to know about that...<br><br>
How are you doing today????
 
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