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I feel my varied stash has totall messed up PL. And now we're using Pull-ups. Help!

731 Views 10 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  goodjoan
Okay, PLEASE help! Tell me what you would do...

Will (3) totally potty learned on his own about 5 months ago. He just started using the potty on his own and all was well. Then I messed him up.

I started asking him if he needed to go potty... like before we left to go somewhere, or if we were out. Suddenly it became a CONTROL issue. I wasn't even pushy about it - just a casual question but I later realize even those innocent questions took the control away from him.

So here we are. He peed and soaked his pants so much, I started using diapers again. He was soaking all the cloth, and none really fit him right anyway (I'm cding #2 ds as well) and so then I bought some pull-ups. He never leaked them, but then started to just pee in them whenever he wanted. Sometimes I put him in a diaper (bummis with a trimmed premium prefold) but I really don't have enough to cd 2 kids anymore.

If he is naked, he pees on the floor, on the couch, on his little brother.
If he has on underwear, he pees through them every time. So he HAS to wear something now.

HELP! What have I done?

I feel like I failed him and confused him.

Here's the interesting part - he poops in the potty EVERY single time. Never had one mess. And I know its because I NEVER ask him if he needs to go poopy.

Anyway... I'm at a point where buying a whole diapering system (and what would work for Mr. Floodgates, anyway?) is probably not reasonable. And to start The Hunt again of what will work.... well the though tires me out.

I'm a failure!!! Wah!
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Hey Julie, I just wanted to give you a
I wrote this whole long reply and then I just deleted it because I am no expert, having just been through it with my first and it was rocky. All I know is it seems very emotional and difficult for some kids, especially little boys. I think your gentle approach is best. I just couldn't not reply at all...

Hang in there! You're not a failure and neither is your little guy. He just needs time.

We used bummis pull up training underwear. It will hold more than ordinary underwear but he can still get wet clothing in them sometimes (depending). Then I would say to him "oh, you're wet. Let's go put your dry clothes on." Then he would undress and put his wet clothes in the hamper etc, so he was still very involved in dealing with his body processes.

You probably have tried this but having a quiet chat with him about it, asking questions etc can really help.
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Is is VERY common for a child to have a potty-training "relapse". The novelty wears off, and they just aren't that interrested anymore. It's not even necessarily from you asking him if he needs to go, just that it wasn't his "new" thing anymore, and now he's just too darn busy to have to deal with the potty stuff.

Some AP moms aren't into this, but I start a reward system at this stage. I do a thing where they get a object (I use marbles) in a jar every time they go potty. Every 5 marbles and they get something special. (We play games, read books, etc...stuff we do anyway, but this is "special" time) I don't bug DD about going potty, but if she does, she gets rewarded. We keep it simple, and the point is to build the habit of stopping what they are doing and going potty.

Good luck to you, and know that you did nothing wrong, he's just being a kid!
I have no advice but wanted to say good luck to you. This must be so difficult for you. But I'm sure DS will be back on the potty in no time.
My dd poop trained first, potty came later. I don't know why. I didn't pressure her either way (I don't think). I bought some panties and told her that when she wanted to wear them instead of diapers, we would start using the potty. Once she made the decision to use the potty (and she only used the potty seat about 2 times, after that, she wanted the toilet) every morning I would ask her if she wanted a diaper or panties. If she chose panties, I reminded her that she needed to go in the potty if she was wearing panties.

If she had an accident, I asked her if she wanted new panties or a diaper. Sometimes she chose diapers, sometimes panties. It was harder for her to remember and sometimes she just didn't want to think about it, so she used a diaper. When we left the house, again, I gave her the choice. I reminded her that if she needed to go, she had to let me know in enough time to find a bathroom for her to use. We started when she was about 2 1/2 and she was day trained in just a month or so with very few accidents. For nighttime, she was about 3- mostly b/c I kept putting her in a diaper (we coslept and I didn't want to get peed on while sleeping). I finally realized she had the ability to hold it- that's when I switched to pullups. I told her they were 'diaper-panties' and if she had to go, she should try to wake up, but if she forgot, it was ok. She got very upset about accidents, so that's why I told her it was no big deal.

My youngest sister works in daycare while she's going to school (elementary education major) and has been doing that since she was in high school. In what she's seen, Pullups mostly don't help the PT stuff at all, b/c it still feels like a dipe to the kids.

So, no direct advice for your situation, but that's what worked for us. The only other thing I would suggest is checking for a UTI or something else that could be causing the accidents.
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We're going through PL right now. As someone above mentioned, some AP parents aren't into rewards. However, I am using a modified reward system. Everytime DD pees in the potty, we put a star sticker on a "potty poster." If she poos in the potty she gets a special Dora sticker. At first we were very vigillent about the stickers. Now we forget pretty much everytime - and she still goes. She is in panties full time, excepting nighttime. I'm just dealing with the accidents as they come.
We had a relapse with my eldest as well, this too shall pass...
My ds2, age 3 refuses to use the potty. But will not be wet after nap or in the morning and will use the toilet to pee, if you sit him on it. (Poop is in his pants every day!) I decided to just put him in underwear and clothes and see how it went -- pee on the floor, the couch, where ever... then the cats came in and peed where he had peed!!!

I also have 2 in diapers, but I've had 2 in diapers for nearly 15 months now, so quantity isn't an issue nor is sz fortunately.

I had from my 1st 2 vinyl outer, absorbant inners underwear - they were from Target in 2000, I think Dappi brand. I had been putting those on my ds2 over his Gerber training pants. He doesn't leak all over the place that way and I know he is getting wet each time he pees (FB w the fleece liners probably felt more comfy).

I have recently bought 4 more of these vinyl outer, absorbant inner underwear at Wal-Mart
: , Gerber makes them. They stink like plastic till you wash them.

I want him to feel wet and CPF w a cover are just more difficult to take off and put back on when I'm taking him to the potty.

Summer is coming shortly and then we can stick our little children out in the yard naked and hopefully by fall they will have the idea down.
At least I hope mine will, dd will probably not be so difficult, she sits on the potty now and poops or pees almost every time I sit her there (a partial EC type thing).

I can sympathize with you...
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This happened with dd as well. She PT herself at 2.5. accidents.....until about 6 months later.

She pooped everytime in the toliet but peed on herself. We still have issues because she wants me to "help" her even though she can do it all by herself.....even wiping and washing her hands.

I just wanted to let you are not alone. It is normal.....frustrating, but normal.

I just kept her in undies during the rough spots, but honestly considered putting her in FBs....however at the time I think she would have liked it and it would have been counter productive.
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Well... this is what I did after frettiing all weekend.

I bought 6 pairs of the Gerber training pants (padded undies) for home, and then I bought 4 used ME training pants (with the PUL outer) for when we are out and about. This way I don't break the bank with all the cute, cute trainers I obsessed over all weekend but just could spend $$ on....

I also realized that if I have to, I will put on a bummis wrap over his Gerber training pants if I have to. I wish I had some bummis pull ups - those would work great.

So far today he has peed in the toilet or in the grass. He was just about to pee on his little brother but I was able to direct him to the bathroom just in time.
: Why does he do that?

Dumping those pull-ups was really the best idea....
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I think most moms have these potty 'step backs' and think we screwed up! In reality, I think most kids find the novelty of the potty has worn off and suddenly it is WORK! With my DD, I sold all my FBs and bought her pretty panties because it seemed she was done with diapers! Next thing I know I am waking up every day in a puddle and she's wetting *everything!* A quick trip to the dr for a pee check (She has a history of UTI issues) and ruled out anything sinister. Then I invested in a dozen toddler sized prefolds and some fantastic reuseabums wool covers. I told DD flatly that since she wasn't ready to use the potty, we would just go back to diapers for a while, until she was ready. I tried not to make it a punishment or a control issue, just the facts, no more panties until she was really done with diapers. In a few weeks she stopped having accidents, started taking off the velcro cover so she could use the potty etc. After that I made her a deal, she got *1* pair of panties per day. I put them on in the morning and if she wet them I would put her back in diapers for the rest of the day. If she kept them dry, she could wear them all day! That really helped me stop the back and forth diaper-panties-training pants switching and also made it less of a control issue. Within just a few weeks she decided the potty was the better alternative! Though, she still likes to wear her wool covers as pants under her dresses because they are so special. She told me the other day it was ok for me to give her old diapers to our friends baby now, but she was keeping her pink fuzzy panties!

I hope it's a quick and stress free transition for your little one and you!
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