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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
on the mainstream pg boards. I either wind up making some one mad because I have a "strong" view on a topic (someone was offended because I said bf is the best thing you can do for your baby & if you're physically able you should at least give it an honest try....very true, but apparently hard to hear for a few) or (I think) I sound like a know it all. I'm really not trying to be a know it all or come across like I know it all....& I certainly don't profess to know it all....I just have a hard time sitting on my hands when I see someone provide inaccurate or incomplete information when it comes to pg & birth. I don't want those first-time or even the eight-time mothers to not know that there's more out there than what's fed to them by their very mainstream dr's or very mainstream online pg friends. That doesn't make me a know it all, I don't think but I think some may perceive me that way. I usually don't really care how I'm perceived but for some reason (could be those hormones
) it is bothering me now.

I've come by alot of my knowledge about these topics the old fashioned way (by making mistakes) & just don't want to see other mom's do the same thing because they didn't know they could do things differently.


Anyone else feel so out of place?

I'm seriously thinking about removing myself from these lists....I doubt my two cents makes much difference, if any, & it leaves me feeling less than wanted, yk?

Are you still keeping to some of those mainstream boards?

Shannon
 

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I can understand how you feel. Sometimes i even feel a little frustrated that some people haven't "found out" yet even though that's totally out of my control. But I still browse, and post to those I feel that I really have a little something to contribute/add to...even if it may offend them (I never really intend it to though!). sometimes i think these hormones are really making me schizo though... :LOL
 

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I more or less quit posting on them/reading them because I'd just get mad, but I have one that I still visit because I started there when we were TTC #1 and I have met several of the women IRL and still get together with them. That being said, I don't post very much because I get frustrated with the giving up bf at 6 weeks because "it's too hard" or whatever, and stuff like that.

So, if it frustrates you more than it helps, don't subscribe.
 

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I still go to them just so that someone with "our" viewpoint is there. If someone doesn't go there and advocate breastfeeding, AP, etc, some of those moms may never hear it.
 

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I totally understand where you're coming from!! Not only am I the odd one out with having a homebirth, but I can never participate in the "show me pictures of your nursery" or "what have you bought for your babe" because we CD, breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear...and we already have what we need for all that! We have a nursery from DS1, but it's never, NEVER, been used for sleeping. It's a diaper changing room now. :LOL

Oh, and I'm really the freak because I still nurse with a lactaid (have ever since DS1 was a month old or so) for low supply. People can't understand why I just didn't throw him on the bottle and be done with it. But, hey, nursing a 19 month old is rare on mainstream boards...nursing through pregnancy is rare on mainstream boards...so toss in the lactaid and I'm a freak! LOL!!!
 

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I feel the same way too. Its hard because I do want to be the voice of reason and educate people. I have had several emails from people thanking me for sharing info, its hard to walk away after that. Sometimes it gives me a headache reading about some of this stuff.

AllyRae - I made a beautiful nursery for #5. FIrst time I ever ever had the room to do one. And it was never used. :LOL Its my sewing room now. I guess I should have figured out the baby would never sleep in there. Now for #6 think I will use it? No, already know I won't. Dh says we need a room with a bed for a floor.

Michelle
 

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Kudos to those of you who go to the mainstream boards for advocacy purposes!

I participated in one when I was pregnant with DS and was continually amazed and alarmed by what people said. One thing I could never get over was how much junk food they ate for lunch (an almost daily topic). I didn't post much, because I think if you can't find a way to be positive and diplomatic it's best in most situations not to post. And I didn't always have the time/energy to craft a response.

I would probably fit in a little better this time
--regarding the junk food, I am having a harder time avoiding it. And people keep giving me candy!!!! I just regifted the neighbors with a box of armadillo droppings (big, gooey, chewy pralines) our relatives in Texas sent because I just don't have it in me to keep that kinda stuff in the house right now.
 

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I go to one mainstream board and post fairly infrequently...but do try to educate and advocate, too!

People think I'm a total freak...I'm tandem nursing through pregnancy (most don't even know you can nurse ONE through pregnancy) and my nurslings are 3 and almost 5 years old. Talk about shocking people!
I'll probably be triandem nursing again, and that will get some shocked responses as well (all from my innocent little signature...usually not even in a response to a post!). The fact that I'm having a homebirth, don't do many (if any - still doing research) vaxes, won't circumcise, practice child-led weaning, cosleep, homeschool, etc. and am educated on those topics occasionally makes people feel like I'm being a "know-it-all" - but that's their problem. I"ve had people ask me - how do you know so much? - to which I respond..."When it comes to raising my children, I do my research and figure out what is best for my children and my family." It shocks me how many people just blindly go along with what the "professionals" say and ignore their instincts and/or completely go against what they feel is right.

About the nursery... I totally know what you're talking about! We actually moved our bed into Alex's (firstborn's) nursery when we ended up cosleeping and haven't done a nursery for any other child because it's not necessary. I wish I (or dh) could build a bed! I'd LOVE to install a wall-to-wall bed in our room! Right now we basically have a wall-to-wall bed, but no frame, just mattersses and boxsprings (twin and queen) plus a twin over full bunk bed!
 

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I frequent another board that has quite a large "mainstream" element. I get very frustrated sometimes!

On the other hand, there are also some really wonderful and likeminded individuals there too! And...I have changed my mind wrt certain topics after hearing a different point of view over and over (I didn't start out cosleeping, cloth diapering, delayed/selective/non vax'ing, clw, etc LOL). I have confidence that more can be brought over to the dark side. ROFLOL
 

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Do you ever find that it's hard, too, with friends and family? You know when they start talking about supplementing and CIO, etc... I always find it difficult to know what or how much to say for fear of being precieved as a "know it all." Many times I don't say anything and then feel guilty, but if you do say something, often the other person gets offended. It seems to be frying pan or fire.
 

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When I was pregnant with #2, i was on a mainstream board, got into a heated discussion about family bed with another member. About 2 mos after our babies were born, she started posting on an AP forum, she & I became very good online buddies and still stay in touch. Her ds was born a day before my dd, we have met irl and our children get on great! I turned her on to Waldorf and her ds has been attending since playgroup at 6 mos, he will enter kinder in Sept. We have been very supportive of one another and have learned loads from one another.

So keep posting ladies, you may bring one over to our side, lol!

Before #1 was born, i was had mainstream ideas
: . We bought this huge house with plenty of room for the live-in au-pair and set up a beautiful nursery complete with a crib! It never got used, finally converted it to a playroom, sold the crib w/ 4 sets of complete bedding, it was brand new! As for the au-pair, I left my dds for the 1st time with a sitter when dd#2 was 2.5 yrs, so I could take dh out for dinner on his b-day.

I sharpened my NFL ways from going to LLL meeting, but I'm always picking up ideas here on MDC.

Ahhh, what our little bundles teach us...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by heldt123
Do you ever find that it's hard, too, with friends and family? You know when they start talking about supplementing and CIO, etc... I always find it difficult to know what or how much to say for fear of being precieved as a "know it all." Many times I don't say anything and then feel guilty, but if you do say something, often the other person gets offended. It seems to be frying pan or fire.

i know what you mean. my SIL thinks I am weird cuz I either nurse-nap or take DS for a walk in the stroller 2 times a day to get him to sleep rather than let him CIO.

On the other hand, I also think it tends to be easier to deal with differences in person than it is online. I think people are often a little meaner online (or at least come off that way) than they are IRL. With people I interact with IRL I try to take a different strokes for different folks approach and avoid long, intense discussions when their are differences of opinion (I figure it's not my job to educate my friends and family about baby and childcare. If they're receptive they get more from you than you know just by the example you set without really talking about it much). I have an aquaintance who when she heard our child slept with us started to go off on a tangent about how she colund't imagine doing that (I could just feel a tirade coming). But I smiled as I cut her off and said, "..and I can't imagine not" and moved on to the next thing. And a different SIL of mine was telling me about seeing a woman in WalMart recently NIP a 3 year old who was standing up in the back of a grocery cart while she was talking to someone. My SIL started talking about how if they can ask for it they are too old,etc. I didn't address this directly, but just said I am always impressed by people who can do so well with BF for so long when it can be so hard in the beginning. I figure she gets the idea this way that I think what she saw is no big deal. Subtleties are harder to get across online.
 

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Families... I guess you could say I'm the "black sheep" of the family. I'm the only one in my family who actually follows my mothering instincts and practices attachment-style parenting. My sister and parents were shocked that I'd nurse past a year, nurse through pregnancy, tandem/triandem nurse, cosleep, wear my babies constantly, etc. They have become used to my style of parenting, and have actually adopted some of my parenting style.

My sister was shocked that when my boys moved from our family bed into their own room that we let them sleep together in the same bed. Then her dds started sharing a room and would push their beds together to sleep next to each other every night. One Sunday she was going on and on about how wonderful her dd's slept being close to each other and how she did some reading on the subject and that's it's normal and natural, etc. When I told her the same thing months before, she argued that it was just plain wrong
: At least she learned something!

My mom, who thought cosleeping was wierd, started cosleeping w/ my nieces when they slept over (my sister left them with my parents overnight occasionally since her youngest was 3 months old) beacause "it's the only way any of us get any sleep."

Now, my mom is a supporter of EBF, homeschooling (mostly), cosleeping, etc. because she has seen how well all of it works. I've had to convince her on every subject, but she's become more open-minded with every child! She even has her own sling for this baby.

Friends...I'm lucky enough to have friends who all breastfeed (or ff due to medical conditions, not for lack of wanting to!) and believe in nfl philosophies. All of the "mainstream" friends I had when ds#1 was born have since disappeared - it seems my parenting style was a bit to wierd for them!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by phathui5
I still go to them just so that someone with "our" viewpoint is there. If someone doesn't go there and advocate breastfeeding, AP, etc, some of those moms may never hear it.
This is exactly why I'm torn over leaving them. It irritates me to no end sometimes but then I think about how some of these women may never hear about alternatives otherwise (at least not if they only listen to women in this bunch). I kind of feel like I'm obligated, in a way, to share what I've learned....it does me good to know it but can do others good to know it, too. I've decided not to leave them but to just pick & choose which threads I read & more or less lurk until I feel like I should say something.

Shannon
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by heldt123
Do you ever find that it's hard, too, with friends and family? You know when they start talking about supplementing and CIO, etc... I always find it difficult to know what or how much to say for fear of being precieved as a "know it all." Many times I don't say anything and then feel guilty, but if you do say something, often the other person gets offended. It seems to be frying pan or fire.

You know, I really don't. My nutty sil paved the way for me a bit, having been the first in the family to do less than mainstream things like homebirthing & home schooling, so I don't have as much "work" to do with family. For the most part, I just back up what I believe with facts. They usually end up with questions but I really like that, if they're a heart-felt question. I think everyone learns better when they are interested in finding out the answers, so I see it as an opportunity. As for friends, I honestly don't have many IRL because I'm very reserved unless approached. I've always been this way, at least until I get to know a person really well (which could take years). The aquaintances I have that know about my less than "favored" choices have been very open to them & accepting....at least to my face (
can you see why I don't have many friends IRL!? I've been too trusting in the past).

Shannon
 

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I'm a member of what you could call a mainstream board, I guess. It's a group of women that have been posting together since we were TTC - we've all had either multiple miscarriages or a miscarriage followed by secondary infertility. Fortunately, 3-4 years later, all but one or two have been able to conceive and carry to term.


We all feel very close and there have been some debates regarding co-sleeping, nursing, extended nursing (not cloth diapering since I'm the only one who does that! LOL), etc. There are definitely a few who cannot let go of their mainstream ideas, but I do think that I have been a big help, especially for advocating co-sleeping and extended nursing. My DD was one of the first to be born, so I feel like I've sort of taken the lead.

I would say that about 90-95% of the women on the board breastfeed for at least the first few months and I am so, so pleased by the number of women who nurse for a year and beyond. I think well over half of the women nursed their babies until 12 months and many have continued past that! It makes me so happy to see since the percentages are so much higher than in the general population. I'm the only one who in planning to tandem nurse but there are a few who have nursed for quite a few weeks in a subsequent pregnancy - rather than wean immediately like you are "supposed" to.


But I do have to stay away from general due date boards and playgroups. I think parenting tends to be a bit different when you have so much trouble having a baby (though that definitely does not go for everyone!)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by AllyRae
We have a nursery from DS1, but it's never, NEVER, been used for sleeping.
That's not true.... O and I used it once
Running out of this part of MDC now... back to your regularly scheduled talk :LOL
 
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