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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I guess I'm just looking for empathy from other working mom's who have possibly had this same thing happen to them & some words of encouragement.

I have a 1 year old beautiful girl who goes to an in-home daycare Monday-Friday 8am-5pm & is dropped off by her father & picked up by me. I've been noticing that when I go to pick her up, she doesn't want to come to me. She goes right to the babysitter & puts her arms up to be picked up by her. The babysitter is very encouraging & tells her to go to her mama & then my dd just runs away to play! I'm just heartbroken every day when I go pick her up! I realize this is probably healthy that she feels so comfortable at the babysitters house, but it still makes me feel badly. My dd has never been a very clingy child & has never wanted to go in a sling & many times as an infant all she wanted to do was to be set down. She also loves to play with the other 2 girls there who are just a couple months older than she is.

I have to remind myself that maybe she is just having fun & doesn't want to go home, or that at home there are no other children to play with too. She seems to be a very social little baby.

Staying home with her is not an option for us at this time financially-My first thought about this however, was to quit my job immediately.
 

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First of all


My dd does a similar thing. When we go visit anyone she will cry when we have to leave. Even if I ask her if she wants to stay there, and say that I have to go. She has no objection, I don't think she will actually stay there with me for longer than a couple of hours, specially at night. I have to literally drag her to get her coat on and then we have to carry her to go to the car sigh.
I've found that if I ask her to go kiss bye-bye everybody she will be more willing to leave. Also asking her if she wants to go read her favorite book at home will also help.

Hugs to you mama
 

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I'm sorry mama- working is so hard! My 3 yr old really likes daycare. He's usually ready to come home at the end of the day, but there are times he gets mad that I've interrupted him.
 

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Oh mama.
It is so normal. I have been running an in home daycare for 14 years now and there is always one child who does this. It shows not only her comfort with the caregiver but also her attachment to you. She wouldn't be doing this unless she was super sure of how much you love her/she loves you. It's not even that she loves school so much or her friends. It is simply a transitional thing. Some things that have helped over here is if you arrive at the same time every day have the provider give some reminders of your coming. She could even start getting her dressed for home. Also a special toy or song that you have for this time can help ease the transition.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by j924 View Post
Oh mama.
It is so normal. I have been running an in home daycare for 14 years now and there is always one child who does this. It shows not only her comfort with the caregiver but also her attachment to you. She wouldn't be doing this unless she was super sure of how much you love her/she loves you.
Ditto! I also do home daycare. I have 1 or 2 that do this daily. One of the moms usually reminds her ds of something fun at home, and he goes willingly then.
 

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Ugh, I know exactly how you feel. DD is the SAME WAY. She's the ONE kid at daycare who runs AWAY from mommy, throws a tantrum when I try to get her coat on etc. I'm the ONE parent who spends 45 min. cajoling her kid out the door, into the car, into the carseat, etc.

DD is also a very social, independent girl, and it's clear that she loves daycare and her friends and teachers. I'm just lucky enough to get her at the end of a very busy, tiring day, and playing is a lot more fun than the dinner/bath/bedtime routine, so I try not to take it too personally. I've noticed it's better if I can pick her up a little earlier, and if I give her something to look forward to, like seeing one of her favorite teachers at the front desk, looking at the seasonal decor outside, feeding the cat at home, etc.
 

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Originally Posted by diaperqueen View Post
Just one thing, OP...this is not meant as snarky at all...but most of us prefer to be called childcare providers or caregivers instead of babysitters.
I know people don't mean anything negative when they use the word babysitter, and I'm sure you didn't. It just sounds like we are sitting on the couch eating Doritos and watching soaps while the kids run wild.

I only called her a babysitter because that is how she started out for us! She would come & watch our daughter once in a while-she wasn't actually a daycare provider. She is now-so sorry to offend.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mosaic View Post
Ugh, I know exactly how you feel. DD is the SAME WAY. She's the ONE kid at daycare who runs AWAY from mommy, throws a tantrum when I try to get her coat on etc. I'm the ONE parent who spends 45 min. cajoling her kid out the door, into the car, into the carseat, etc.

DD is also a very social, independent girl, and it's clear that she loves daycare and her friends and teachers. I'm just lucky enough to get her at the end of a very busy, tiring day, and playing is a lot more fun than the dinner/bath/bedtime routine, so I try not to take it too personally.
Wait, do we have the same DD? I could have written this post. I am the only parent who sits in the driveway day after day trying futilely to get my DD into her carseat. Sometimes I have to carry her out of the house kicking and screaming. She won't put her coat on. Won't put her shoes on. And all around me the other parents walk out, blithely put their kids in the car, and go home peacefully.

OP, I was absolutely crushed when DD started doing this. I've come to believe that it's like a PP said, it's evidence of her strong attachment, she is not clingy because she is not worried, she knows that mama is always there for her. Hang in there! Oh, and I have started carrying lollipops in my pocket. I find if I can offer a special treat she's more willing to cooperate.
 

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Mama I feel for you. I am in the situation, I have to work not by choice but because it is what keeps a roof over the head and food on the table. My daughters sitter who we use 3 days week it awsome and my daughter never wants to leave it is a huge struggle for us. She ends up crying most of the way home because she would rather stay and play. The last day of the 3 days is the worst becasue she knows it will be 4 days before she goes back.

MP
 

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This happens a lot at my center. Some kids get really moody and aggitated when Mom or Dad comes. It always makes the parents feel bad, but I think it has more to do with the abruptness of it. Since it is a daycare setting, rarely are the parents picking up at exactly the same time every day. And if one of the kids is playing, etc, they might not want to stop and go home. I would take your child hugging the DCP as a sign that they feel safe and comfortable with them, which is awesome. And for what it's worth, the same kids who don't want to leave are often the ones who don't want to be dropped off in the mornings either


:
 

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This absolutely was my son all over when he started preschool! I had the advantage of being a SAHM for the first three years of his life, but we started him in preschool when he was just a little over 2 because he was soooooo social and I just couldn't keep up with his need to be around other kids (he would veer off to follow any group of two or more people under 10, no matter where we were... it was like a herding instinct!).

So, it didn't really surprise me when he didn't want to go home. ;-) It was like being at the park and not wanting to go as far as I was concerned. I won't lie and say it didn't bother me at all, but I understood intellectually that it was just an expression of his voracious appetite for social activity.

Fortunately, we'd been dealing with the going-home from the park, playdates, etc. for some time, and I had my "system" down. First of all, I always gave him a five-minute countdown if it was feasible. I would tell him we were leaving in five (hold up five fingers) minutes). I told him at each minute how many were left. I used an actual stopwatch, so that it was consistent every time. Then at the end, we left.

To the extent that I could, I accommodated his priorities: I let him open the gate, or tried to time it so we were leaving when his best friend was, etc. But also, if he wasn't able to go by himself, I'd help him. This is the script I'd use:

"Ok, it's time to go, D. Let's go!"
[unresponsive or runs away]
"You really want to stay and play! You don't want to go. It's time to go now. If you can't go by yourself, Mommy can help you."
[still not going]
"Ok, you're having trouble doing it by yourself. Mommy will count to five, and then help you go."

"Helping him go" meant picking him up bodily (but gently) and carrying him out. I often used an Ergo also to help contain him and make him feel secure. He didn't like having his autonomy taken away in this manner, so often he would at "one" decide he was going to walk out on his own two feet. But if he didn't, at "five" I scooped him up and made no further delays.

I found that this counting step was really important in cuing him that there was a transition happening from "Mommy wants me to do this, but I don't want to" to "This is going to happen whether or not I do it myself." Until I started counting, it wasn't "real" to him that whatever-it-was WOULD happen in the future regardless of whether he wanted it to... so he couldn't make a real decision whether he'd rather do it himself or have me help him.

The mechanics of it don't really help with the emotion, I know ;-) but maybe if you can get a smoother transition down, it will be easier on both of you.
 

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It will get easier. DD did the same around that age, might be a stage. I found it comforting, in a small way, that DD loved her caregiver so much she didn't want to leave them.
 

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Well, it might just be the transition. I know DD lately has been not wanting me to leave when our nanny gets here, and then when I come home, she doesn't want the sitter to leave! She just doesn't like the transition between caregivers as of late, but that doesn't mean that she likes being with one of us over the other.
 
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