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Somewhat in passing, my bf made a comment about this being "my" baby, saying something about how I am making all of the decisions.<br><br>
Since finding out that I am pregnant, I have been thinking alot about things that I know are going to come up since I am having a baby. Things like childbirth, vaccines, circumcision, diapering, pregnancy concerns, prenatal care, etc. Because I think it is important to make well informed decisions, I have been trying to access alot of information about these various things. I have been reading alot of books, etc.<br><br>
He has not.<br><br>
Now, he is evidently sad that none of these things are his idea.<br><br>
How can I help him feel involved, and how can show him that his opinion is going to be worth alot more to me when he actually knows what he is talking about...<br><br>
I know I sound mean and terrible. And I feel badly that he feels left out. But I am going to make good decisions for my self and for this baby, and I realize that I have to include him on this. However, it's going to be really hard to seek him out for conversation and input on these topics when he is obviously uninformed - and apparently uninterested to become informed.<br><br>
This is partly a rant, but if anyone has advice, I could probably use it.
 

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I don't really have any advice... me and my fiance kind of have the same situation only he doesn't mind that I make most decisions since I work less and have more time to research and he trusts my research for the most part... I am sure someone on here will have a good idea about how to get him involved in the decision making!!
 

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There aren't a lot of good books for the men out there, so it's not much of a surprise that he doesn't want to read much.<br>
We have found two that DH has been really enjoying. First-Pregnancy Sucks for Men. Not packed with a load of information, but it's a hysterical book! I read Pregnancy Sucks for myself too, and it was just a really fun read. I think that those kind of got DH into a really good mood and motivated to read more.<br>
Now he's reading The Expectant Father and I think I'm going to borrow it when he's done-it looks good. I don't know a lot about it yet except that he is enjoying reading it, and is learning alot about the baby's development and my body changes.<br>
Other than that-I don't know what else to tell ya. Maybe send interesting articles geared toward fathers to his email? I keep a look out for good stuff from a father's point of view, because I am fully aware that I can't know everything that's going on in his mind. I don't think men feel the same sense of community sometimes that we women do...we can yakyakyak all the time with friends, coworkers, online friends about our feelings and fears...don't know a lot of guys who do!
 

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Yeah, it was the same with my DH. Its kinda part and parcel with being "the mother." But when stuff starts working, and working *well*, they come around. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> For example, my husband was initially VERY skeptical about the sling, but after a few weeks he loved it (discovered that it was greatly preferable to having to lug our big ole baby around by hand <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">).<br><br>
Include him as much as possible, let him know that you value and love him, and don't worry too much.
 

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my dh was sort of the same with our first too, OP. He was sort of the bystander while I researched online and at the library. He seemed to agree with everything I came up with but didn't really feel like he was a part of the decision making process. It's funny because now he looks at other kids and can see how the decisions their parents made when they were infants have really affected them (anyone else ever notice that a vast majority of infants and toddlers and children in general out there look so empty and disconnected?) and he comments on how glad he is that *we* made the decisions we made.<br>
So much of what is decided has to do with you & your body though, so, your bf making the decisions would seem presumptuous. I mean, in the end, he's going to see that the things you are now planning on doing really do work out and he'll fall into synch. Hopefully.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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I think that's pretty common. Maybe next time you need to make a decision or read something interesting, say "Hey, I read X and Y today, what do you think?" Even if you've got your mind made up already, if you ask his opinion at least he'll feel like he has some input. And if he has a different opinion, which he certainly might, listen to what he has to say and respond with "Yeah, I never thought of it that way. I was thinking this..." And don't get frustrated the first couple of times you ask his opinion, he'll probably say "I don't know, you're the one doing the research." Once you ask him a couple of times he might get the idea that he's actually being asked for input.<br><br>
I know also that my DH has enjoyed the Bradley classes quite a lot so far, as he's finally getting up to speed on what I've been reading about for such a long time now and our teacher makes a point to really involve the partners in the class. Last night we played "Stages of Labor Jeopardy" where the men had to answer all the questions, that was a hoot!
 
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