[aylaanne]

So I told my father, finally. I had been waiting for him to come out and see my new house (he lives about 2 hours away) but he's cancelled three times so far and it's getting to where I can't risk it anymore.

I think I can add to the strange reaction thread, "so who are going to be the kid's grandparents?" My parents are divorced and they both remarried, not to mention the fact that my father adopted me when I was three (I was born out of wedlock, so it was really more of a legitimization than anything else, but I'm not his biological child). My husband's parents are still married.

That wasn't the only inappropriate question he asked. Also in there were "are you going to get a new car?" and "who's going to take care of the kid?" And before we got off the phone, he said, "save up some money."

: Like I hadn't thought of that. When we were talking about child care, I said that I planned on staying home as much as possible, but that I might go back to work if we needed some money, and he said, "NO, you should stay home." Even his wife doesn't stay home, she works nights about as much as I do. And I reminded him that I was planning on going back to school to finish my nursing degree (I only have one class left to take, but I have to switch institutions so I have about another year or so) and that DH's parents live nearby and my parents live near to the schools I'm planning on going to, so I doubt the kid will ever be in daycare. Sigh.

Anyways, at least he knows, and he said he's going to tell his kids (aged 8-14) on the way here to see me, which he promises will be this week (that's what he said the last three times we planned this). We'll see if he actually comes out this time or not.

 

[Banana731]

He probably just wants to make sure his grandchild will have the "best." Asking about a new car(did he mean bigger for a carseat, or a "safer" car?), and wanting you to stay home. Grandparents who are supportive, are very proud and opinionated, but I don't think they mean it as criticism. I think that the intention behind it it is good.

 

[cherubess]

Men are such weird creatures.

My father says things which really irk and irritate me. Sometimes with his tone he sounds like he's yelling at me. He's just loud.

He means well but has a terrible problem with foot in mouth disease.

I've learnt to accept it but I must admit that I've been upset a number of times before my mother explains what he means.

 

[Aeress]

My dad generally asks if the girls need anything. It is his way of showing how he loves them. Usually he picks up the fruit they like and such, so it's not too bad but I noticed he tends to not ask alot.

Thats my dad...he's always been like that.

 

[vivianstcloud]

Oh goodness. I know how you feel. If it helps at all, my dad busted out yesterday with "Will this grandbaby love me?" Umm...no dad. All grandchildren hate their grandparents. WTF? And then "If you and your partner die, will we get to raise the baby?" WOW! Not only is that out of left field, but way to put me on the spot!

I dunno. People can be very strange when it comes to babies.

 

[aylaanne]

Thank you all for your kind words of support. The truth is, my dad is severely mentally ill, he suffers from paranoid delusions that he refuses to admit to, let alone get treated for. This latest is in a long history of saying hurtful things, not because he means well, but because he's only looking out for himself and it doesn't occur to him that other people have feelings.

I think the "real grandparent" comment came because he doesn't want my mother's second husband being referred to as a grandfather. He even said that he doesn't consider his wife to be the baby's grandmother. He has huge jealousy issues where my stepdad is concerned, to the point that once, when I was 8, he tried to run him over with the car.

The "new car" thing came because he thinks everything I drive is a piece of s**t. If he had his way, women wouldn't drive at all. He wanted me to go to college but he never wanted me to have a job. And, most of the time, he forgets I exist in favor of my brother, who is both a biological child *and* male, two points I cannot ever claim.

He's only recently shown interest in my life, and I think it's because at my wedding, he saw that my in-laws are worth WAY more than he is, and that because DH and I just bought a house and property that my father's house and land could fit on three times with room to spare.

I think my dad thinks he loves me, but I don't think he'll have any feelings for this child, and I'm regretting that I have even kept him in my life for as long as I have. It's so heartbreaking. I'm not telling him my birth plans because he'll tell me how stupid I am. Of course, most of the decisions I make are stupid to him. I don't know. We'll see if he actually comes to visit this week like he promised. I'm hoping that I can at least be some kind of positive role model for his kids, all they have is the similar dysfunction in both their parents' families to go by.

 

[jessitron]

Ugh.
My dad is really an adoptive father too, and he is completely selfish. He doesn't say hurtful things though - he's always super duper nice to your face. He'll lie through his teeth to get people to like him and give him what he wants.
Fortunately for me he doesn't make an effort to see us or be involved. I wouldn't want Evelyn spending much time with him. He has seen her once, when he happened to be sponging off my brother while we stopped by. He called me on her birthday, which was nice.

The way we look at it is, he loves his children more than he loves anyone else besides himself.

I'm sorry you have to be involved with your dad, since he's like that.