I freaked out dh...oops... (Update Post 9 :-( )

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Wow, I didn't get that she was considering Oopsing a kid from the op. While, obviously, that's totally unfair to both the baby and the father, it's equally unfair to let him decide how many kids they'll be having.

OP, I think tabling the conversation for a year is perfectly fine, as is dreaming of having another someday. You may change your mind, your situation could change, or he could reconsider. Cross that bridge when you get there, in the meantime, dream away.

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Thanks for your replies. I would never "oops" a kid - I have known people who have done that and the results are never pretty. He does want me to get rid of all my maternity clothes and baby stuff we are not using so his mind is pretty made up; however he said we'll talk again about it in a year so I am guessing he has not made a final decision. I want to wait at least two years to have another kid so we have time. I just turned 29 and he will be 30 this month so we have fertility time left...I feel sorta bad for wanting another one since things are really crazy finanacially and just in general with two little ones but I can't help the way I feel. I will just have to keep those feelings to myself (and of course let you MDC mamas in on how I feel too! ) Thanks again!

I feel really stupid. We are preparing to move across the country in a few months and just talked about whether or not to sell my maternity clothes/the car seat/the crib (we use as storage ), etc I told him I wanted to hold on to it for a few years and then see so we wouldn't have to get rid of it and start over if we wanted another one. He told me he never saw himself having more than two kids and if we kept it I would want more and more kids. I assured him I would be "done" at three. He went off on all these tangents and said he wanted to git rid of it and I just wanted to push him into havig another one and how he didn't think that even in 5 years we could afford another one. He just went OFF about all sorts of stuff. He told me I should not want three kids being an only child and that 2 is just something I will have to live with, etc etc. He said lots of other things too. I told him over and over that all I wanted was him and I to discuss it in a few years and see if things have changed and that by keeping the stuff I was trying to save us $ if we wanted anothe ron ein the future - if not then we could get rid of it when we talk about it again - and that MY mind could change as well. He told me yes we'd discuss it to shut me up - and then told me he was just telling me what I wanted to hear and really iddn't even want to talk about it any more. I don't want to force him into having another child but why doesn't it matter how I feel too? I am not going to go out and get pregnant now - or in three years for that matter - but why can we at least say we'll talk about it then? OK - now I am crying...

I will tell you what I would do. I would sell or give away the stuff rather than move it. If you become pregnant again, the universe will provide. Did you have trouble acquiring it in the first place?

I do not think it is worth stirring the issue up with DH. Let it go for a year (at least) - then talk about it. There have been stories of women (on this board!) who's DH became very adamant about having no more children when pushed - letting it rest may give time (and changes in life circumstances) a chance to do its magic....

kathy

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I would table it for now and not push it since neither one of you are ready at this time.

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People change and circumstances change (not to mention maternity clothing styles ). You're both young, so there's plenty of time. And in the meantime you can work on getting him to understand that on really important issues, it's not ok to "tell you what you want to hear just to shut you up."

I think the clothes and stuff are symbolic to you and getting rid of them would feel like a door being shut, when in reality that would mean no such thing. But honestly, how you feel right now is more important.

I am in the same boat. My dh won't consider having more because we agreed on 3 total kids (I had one when we married, so we agreed to have 2 together). I feel cheated because I got twins. Two in one was not what I bargained for, so I feel robbed of a second (really third) pregnancy. Eventually I felt ok with not having more. But I do still have moments though.

I think he is being mean (my dh as well) to not at least sincerely agree to consider it in the future, but you can't change him. I think you need to give it some time and revisit it yourself in a year or so. If you feel like giving the stuff away will upset you, then don't. I told my dh if he got a vasectomy right now it would cause me to obsess about another baby because I would know I couldn't have one. I told him using another form of birth control would allow us to postpone the finality of a vasectomy and as long as the door wasn't totally shut, I could be more realistic about not needing another baby at this time. Could you maybe explain that to your dh? That holding onto the stuff is actually keeping you from obsessing about it?

I just think in this instance postponing giving the stuff away and postponing anymore discussion on the subject of more babies is your best bet. Time will work it out one way or the other.

This sounds so similar to our house LOL! Although, my dh has not been sooo very strong on his stance, we've had similar discussions. It's funny though - he isn't pushing to get rid of anything and we are 6 mos into our third baby. After our 2nd child, he said "that's it!" and "no more" because it was overwhelming for him. He was concerned about finances and our time together as we get older - our first was born when I was 31. By the time our dd (2nd child) was 1 1/2 he was on board with another baby. Now, he's not saying no to any more, but he's not emphatically saying yes either - after all, dd is only 6 mos old. Maybe you can ask your husband what his main concerns are about having more children. Did he come from a small family? Is he worried about the $$? Is it stressful for him? You get the idea........sometimes these men of ours just aren't sure how to discover why they feel what they do when we have it all figured out! Also, I totally agree with another post that you're just a few months into your second baby which is a HUGE transition in a family. New baby, but also going from 1 to 2 kids is the hardest thing we've gone through so far as a family. Hang in there mama!