Mothering Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ex is a smoker. when we lived together he was never to smoke in the house. when we didn't live together he smoked in his house so i made him come to my house to spend time with ds. he met his gf and stopped smoking in his house. now they live together and do not smoke in their house i don't think, but def. not in ds bedroom and not when ds is there or in the same room as him. i thought it was just ex that was the smoker but i saw a pack in gf's purse last week. i think ex steps outside to smoke while ds is either sleeping, cared for by gf or watching a show. i am seeing so little of him these days i forgot it was an issue. a few months ago we saw him driving around town smoking in his car but ds was with me and he was leaving for vacation. i sent him a text that said "i'm sure i don't even have to ask whether you took the car seat out before you smoked in your car this morning". which creeped him out cause he didn't know i'd seen but he wrote back right away "yes, def." and i didn't respond and he sent three more texts confirming so i know he must have felt some guilt. he is not to smoke in his car on a regular basis or with the car seat in it. he seems to respect all of this.

so anyway! ds was about to go camping with ex and ex's gf. they were going canoeing. ds said to me saturday night "i'm big now mommy, i can drink pop and soda and go canoeing now." i said "yes wow ds you are so big." he said "yup i'm so big i can drink beer and smoke". ughhhhhh. my ds turns 3 this month and i really thought i would have more time before this came up. i said "you are not that big yet and you should never smoke. smoking is gross and yucky. it is bad for you and unhealthy and the smoke has yucky stuff that will hurt your body and make you sick. if daddy and kristin are smoking around you, say please go away from me when you smoke." when i dropped ds off with ex on sunday am i told him this happened and he said ds had said the same thing to him and he found it "disturbing". i was relieved. i got ds back today and at bedtime he gets quite chatty. so he says "daddy and kristin were smoking around me and i said go away from me when you smoke and they said no." how anyone can be so blatantly disrespecful of a childs health just appalls me! i told ds i was very proud of him and that it was not okay for them to say no. i said next time say to them "please go away from me while you smoke. please be respectful of me." and ds said "maybe they should just not smoke, its so bad for you! it makes you cough and it hurts your chest and throat. it makes it hard to breathe." how a 2 year old can understand this concept but not his "parents" is just sad to me but.... why am i surprised? anyway, ds went on and on for 45 min about how smoking is bad and he wants to make everyone to stop smoking. he asked me to ask his dad not to smoke around him. and i am totally shocked that my not even 3 year old is having this conversation with me. i am anti-smoking especially around kids but i showed no emotion in my talks with him about this. and never said anything about asking people to stop smoking just that he should never start! he put the rest together himself! he even said "i make the rules about my body. i make the rules about smoking around me. daddy and kristin need to be specrestful of me."

so how do i approach it when i see them tomorrow? i was thinking "i told ds that if anyone is smoking around them that it is okay to say please stop and that person should listen, what do you guys think? that's a pretty good thing to do right?" and see what they say from there?

we had another issue this weekend. today i noticed blisters on ds thumb and pointer finger. i thought they might be warts, or maybe from finger biting/sucking. so i sent ex a text to see if he noticed and it turns out ds grabbed a burnt out sparkler at some point. ex said they iced it right away (camping no running water i guess) and thought it was no biggie. he said he was unbelievably sorry and even put a :,( in his text. i told him that he needs to tell me about this stuff because it could have gone unnoticed and become infected. dipshit. we also live in arizona where it is illegal to even smoke outside of your car because of fire danger, why the fuck did they think sparklers were safe?

i just so badly want a peaceful coparenting relationship with them but there seems to always be something i have to be the bad guy about.

blarrrrrrgh! thank you for reading!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
206 Posts
I completely understand about the smoking. My dd has allergies and the smoking aggrevates it. Her dad and his gf smoke. Recently, my 10 yr old dd had to tell her dad not to smoke around her IN THE CAR. Apparently, he got very angry with her despite knowing she is not to be around it. Very sad.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top