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and my baby is dead. My world has turned upside down. Two miscarriages in 4 months? After I have already had two healthy pregnancies? The rules don't apply to me, I guess. Apparently I can have a painless nearly bloodless miscarriage, and hope against all hope for 2 weeks that everything will be ok, and then have a dead baby. And then, against the odds again (and why would I believe statistics? the rules don't apply in my nightmare) I can have two normal ultrasounds and 4 hCG checks that say everything is normal, but then take my husband in to see the heartbeat (this would have been his first, and he was so excited) and honestly BELIEVE that everything is ok.<br><br>
BAM. Your baby is dead. There is no heartbeat.<br><br>
Could there be a mistake? The angle? ANYTHING???<br><br>
No. There is no blood flow to the baby. It is measuring 8 weeks, you are 10. We need to schedule a D &C.<br><br>
I am shocked. I cannot do this anymore. The little things I took comfort in, like all my symptoms, are no longer proof that I have a healthy baby. I have spent the last 6 weeks miserably sick FOR NOTHING. But I don't think I can do a D & C. They want to test my baby. The thought of them vacuuming him/her out of me and then sending her off to a lab just breaks my heart. I just can't take this anymore.<br><br>
If I had known that Noah would be my last, I would have treasured every moment of my pregnancy with him. If I had known that Noah would be last, I would have taken more pictures. If I had known that Noah would be my last I would have memorized every gummy baby smile and the feel of his baby hands.<br><br>
I am going to make an appointment to have my tubes tied. I'm tired of being a cosmic joke. I have two beautiful healthy boys and I need to be grateful for that. I'm done with this heartbreak.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Oh mama! I am so very sorry. Take the time you need to heal and give your boys lots of love.
 

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Not in your DDC, but <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish there was something more I could say that would make it better. I wouldn't decide anything permanent yet, maybe just use birth control for a while until you decide it's what you really want (re:tubes tied). You and your family will be in my prayers.
 

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I am so very, very sorry to read this. It just isn't fair that you experienced every sign and symptom that things were going well, when they weren't. You must feel just devestated. Take the time you need to heal.
 

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Oh, sweetie. I am so so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That is so unfair.<br><br>
Like a pp said, please don't make any long term decisions right now that you *might* regret later. Give yourself the time you need to heal before going forward with any plans.
 

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Misti, I'm so sorry.<br>
Do you want the baby tested? If not, decline the d&c, and see whether you'll miscarry naturally. But that's really hard too, waiting to miscarry.<br><br>
Do wait on the tubes tied until after this is all over. Give your heart and your body a little time to heal first. You can always do it later.
 

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Really sorry to hear that :-( It's just so not fair. I've been though that too, had 2 MC's after 3 really easy healthy pregnancies. Like others have said, wait to do something permanent, you might wish in a little while to try again.
 

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Oh, I am so so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm not in your DDC, but I wanted to offer my love and support.<br><br>
When I was 18, I had my son. When my son was 18 months old, I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks that resutled in a D&C. I got pregnant with my daughter shortly after my cycle returned afterwards.<br><br>
When my daughter was 2, my DH and I tried to get pregnant again. After 6 months of TTC, I got pregnant, but lost that pregnancy again at 6 weeks. We didn't get pregnant again after that for another 9 long months of heartheat and despair, only to lose that pregnancy as well. After that 3rd miscarriage, I got pregnant 2 more times in a very short time, and each of those resulted in a miscarriage. We took a few months off, then got pregnant again and we lost that baby at 7 weeks and I had a D&C. Two cycles aftewards, I got pregnant with the baby I'm carrying now - I'm 16 weeks along, and I pray daily that this is the sweet baby we get to take home and hold in our arms.<br><br>
Miscarriages suck. They aren't fair, especially when there are no reasons to be found (they could never figure out why I was having so many miscarriages). You're right - sometimes the rules don't apply to us. Everything I read said that one miscarriage is normal, and the chances of having 2 or more are very uncommon. Being a medical mystery certainly didn't help.<br><br>
Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to greive. I wish that you didn't have to go through this (((HUGS))).
 

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Oh Misti. I am so sorry. There are no words other than that.<br>
I too had 2 miscarriages following 2 healthy pregnancies and it is so devestating. I felt so betrayed and angry with my body, with everything.<br><br>
I am just so sorry you are living this again.<br>
Please, please give yourself all the time you need to grieve this little one, we never truly stop do we?, give yourself time for physical and emotional healing, that is what is important right now. I wish you peace and love.<br><br>
Many many <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you.
 

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Misti,<br>
Life is just so unfair sometimes. I am so sorry to hear of your losses. It hurts so badly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I hope that you are able to find some peace and healing over the coming months. You are in my thoughts today.
 

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Oh hon, *hugs*! I know how you are feeling. My dh and I made the decision to not go through multiple miscarriages...it was just to hard.<br><br>
I hope you can find some peace!
 

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I'm so sorry. I'm weeping with you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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I read this post and feel for you! I am very sorry and wish there were words that would make it ok. There are none. Find peace in your 2 boys.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound devestated. I hope you can find some peace.<br><br>
I want to share my experience with you, just in case it helps. I had two healthy pregnancies, and then a miscarriage. It was twins, and I had read before that twin pregs have a higher incidence of m/c. While I know that many women don't want to be told "it was for the best" or "it was for a reason," knowing that actually helped me accept it. Then I went on to have a third baby. When she was 18 months, I became pg, and miscarried. I thought it might just be like my last miscarriage, and I was pretty sure I would go on to have a regular pregnancy. I went on to have 3 more miscarriages, all fairly early. I didn't know why they were happening, but I suspected low progesterone, as I was tandem nursing until just before I conceived the third time. Also, I was tracking my cervical mucous, and it seemed like my luteal phase was short. So after the third m/c, I started taking vitex. It is supposed to be a progesterone booster, and was something I could get OTC (progesterone creams are not available OTC in Canada). I conceived again shortly after starting the vitex, and I've made it to 11.5 weeks so far. Sometimes I almost can't believe that I'm still pg. From talking to women here who have experienced multiple losses, it is often either a progesterone issue, or a blood clotting disorder. I know you've said you don't want to try any more. If, though, you do change your mind, the pregnancy and birth loss has a TTC after loss thread, if you haven't seen it yet. It's a great source of comfort and support.<br><br>
I wish you all the best in this difficult time.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss.
 

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I am so very sorry. It always breaks my heart to see another lady go through this. I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I had a missed miscarriage in Jan 04 (baby was 3 weeks behind, no blood flow, etc) and had to have a D&C. I became PG as soon as I O'd again and lost that one in March of 04. Another missed miscarriage. I found out via ultrasound both times. It is such a slap in the face. I had 3 healthy pregnancies before that, so I didn't expect that at all. I can honestly say that the idea of being PG again is very scary and I considered stopping but I had been trying to have my 4th baby for so long I just couldn't give up that dream. I gave birth to her in June 05. I decided that was enough and I couldn't go through it again. Unexpectedly, I am once again PG. I just wanted to let you know that if you decide to have more, there is hope.<br>
I want so much to reach through the screen and give you a hug. I wish I had the words to help bring healing to you and your DH, but words fail. I am truly so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> Misti -- I feel your pain -- my thoughts are with you
 
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