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I just have to say it- I hate this! I hate this ! I hate this!

It's been a week now since I miscarried and I think it's actually hitting me.

I hate wiping up brown blood every time I go to the bathroom. I hate it. I hate that it is so hard to get out of the bed, and I hate the way it makes me feel to stay there. I hate that I just don't care about all the lovely things in my life right now. I hate that I feel so isolated. I hate that I hate so much.

I want to enjoy my life again, and soon. I want to wake up and think of all the things I get to do with joy instead of dread.

I want to want to feed my body well. Right now I think I am punishing it by eating almost nothing except junk food. And what surprises me is I don't care!

I hate that I know so much about miscarriages. I hate this part of my life.

Today was a hard day.

How do you get out of bed, take care of your kids and yourself when you don't want to? How can I push past this? I usually go from here into a depression, and I'm fighting it physically (like I'm seeking help from friends instead of holing up) but emotionally I'm going down that road again and I don't want to. I want to make it through and be ok. My kids and family don't deserve to suffer because of this loss.
 

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I am so sorry for all you're going through. I have no advice as I'm right there w/you in so many ways. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Again I'm sorry.
 

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Ugh I know those days. I know in my heart it's easier when I have something to do (ie- work) but I also just don't want to get out of bed, and cry the whole way to work. I am so sorry that you have had to do this 5 times. It doesn't get easier, does it?
 

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I so hear you. It has been a month for me, and I am _still_ working myself out of that space. The thing is, you have to try to take care of yourself. I really regretted the junk food & laying around because I ended up feeling so much worse physically than I was emotionally. Of course, I ended up with mono on top of everything else.
And now I've got a migraine from trying to wean myself off the caffeine (a/k/a chocolate). And I broke down & ate some chocolate a few minutes ago so I am bound to have another migraine tomorrow. Okay, I'm sort of hijacking your thread here. Sorry. The point is, I know you feel awful, and I know you have that impulse to punish your body by eating junk food, etc., but please try to resist. You don't deserve that.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by moonglowmama View Post

How do you get out of bed, take care of your kids and yourself when you don't want to? How can I push past this? I usually go from here into a depression, and I'm fighting it physically (like I'm seeking help from friends instead of holing up) but emotionally I'm going down that road again and I don't want to. I want to make it through and be ok. My kids and family don't deserve to suffer because of this loss.
:

I've been through this before. And somehow I think I should be able to rationalize it all away. But I'm falling into the pit anyway. Last time fish oil probably literally saved my life. I took a LOT of it. Some days 5000 mg. Other days "just" 3000. This time fish oil isn't the magic fix.

I guess I have to just feel it. But I'm not a touchy-feely gal. I've never had much tolerance for that whole "thing".

I guess that's the lesson I have to learn.

In my case, I hear myself telling myself "it was just a miscarriage, they happen all the time." Oh, yeah, that makes it different. Apparently I don't just abuse myself with bad eating habits and too much alcohol... I also talk down to myself. Ugh.

Anyway, I have nothing useful to say. But I totally understand what you're saying. Thank you for saying it. I hate miscarriages, too. Hate, hate, hate.
 

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I am right there with you. I have had many days like this. But now I am finally finding that the good days are outnumbering the bad days. So I am trying to celebrate that. Especially with the holidays. I'm trying to get caught up in the excitement with the kids. Little things - looking at lights, baking cookies. The little good things are what are helping me get through.
 
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