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If I don't talk to someone who really understands this, I am going to explode...<br><br>
I just hate this so much and just want to die. I hate it!!! I am 38 years old today (happy freaking birthday to me) and my children are driving me so f-ing crazy I just CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! For one, I'm completely wiped out, I'm so short on sleep and there is no way I can get more sleep than I am getting now. We co sleep but she cannot nurse in bed because I flood her, she swallows air, then she needs to burp, then she spits up all over and is screaming, so now we are both wide awake and isn't that what bed nursing is supposed to prevent?<br><br>
My 2.5 year old is a normal 2.5 year old and is probably trying to get my attention more since the baby was born... he is a very energetic and active boy and always has been... he was the one who slept horribly from day one and didn't start sleeping well til the end of my pregnancy with DD, and by that time I was getting up a million times a night to pee so it didn't help much. DD sleeps better but not what I would call "good", she won't go to sleep til about midnight most of the time and I can't sleep until she's down...<br><br>
I really don't want anyone here to tell me what to do or make suggestions... I just want some understanding, that's all... sometimes I think I have PPD but then I miraculously get a decent night of sleep and then I suddenly feel like a human being again instead of a nursing, diaper changing machine...<br><br>
I am away from my family and asking DH's family for help isn't such a good plan, don't quite trust them that much... I have friends here but nobody I can call spur of the moment who can come here NOW... it's all people who need to plan ahead or just have their own lives...<br><br>
My husband is wonderful and really, my kids are beautiful and I love them so much, we are doing well financially too and we are all healthy... so I have a lot to be thankful for but I'm just so stinkin tired and now DD has decided she won't nap yet she is CRABBY ALL DAY and I don't know what the heck to do anymore... sometimes I get so mad at her I have to put her in a safe place and just walk away... then I feel so guilty because I feel like I'm hurting her psychologically... sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have ever had kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm so angry all the time and always yelling at my son... and I shout at the baby too which makes me feel like I don't deserve her...<br><br>
We even both had strep throat recently from being so worn down... neither of us have ever had it before...<br><br>
DH has to go out of town all week next week and I don't know what on earth I am going to do. They will come take me away in a straightjacket by the end of the week... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">:<br><br>
I was just hoping someone here would care and understand...<br><br>
I just put in an update on post 42... Wow, I just can't believe how many of you have responded to this... thanks so much guys... *sniffle*
 

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Happy birthday! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I care and understand.<br>
Trust me. I have screamed "I hate my effing life!" on more than on occasion. It's not true, but we all have our limits and with two young, constantly nursing, world exploring children, they are reached frequently.<br>
My partner is a student and I am having the best month of my life right now since he is on break. And he is finally starting to understand what my days are like-- which is all I really need to feel appreciated.<br>
Good luck. There are better days ahead!
 

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Just a hug.. I've felt those sentiments many many MANY times and seriously felt like the only reason I'm keeping my life is that ds (the reason I felt that way in the first place lol) needs me to be his mum. No suggestions just a loooot of empathy
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> *TIGHT HUGS*<br><br>
Sleep depravation is no joke. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Hope you get a chance to get some rest.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> umm, I understand!!! In fact, I wondered if I were the only one who got so frustrated. I feel guilty because I yell at my 2yo several times a day and then feel guilty because I have to devote more attention to my 2 week old than him and I cry because I feel like such a bad mother. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh honey, I wish I had some good advice or lived near you. Happy birthday!!<br><br>
I'm a yeller too and I swear I hate myself for it sometimes. I try to hard, but I grew up yelling and being yelled at and it's so hard for me to stop. Going from one to two kids was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's tough to always be "on". You get one settled in and the other one either yells and wakes up the other, or they need something that you truly do not want to do.
 

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Awww, man. I couldn't see your post and not respond. I understand how hard it can be. I felt that way a few times with DS, and I don't have any other kids! Sounds like you are overwhelmed. No suggestions, but I wish I lived nearby--sometimes just having time to take a long, hot bath and a nap works wonders. Hugs to you, and Happy Birthday!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am sorry your bday is going so crapy. Sleep deprivation about killed me when I had dd so I know what that is like. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Lots of Hugs, and Happy Birthday. It is so hard, and being without sleep makes it so much worse. My husband works a lot too, and I have plenty of days where I just want to run away.<br>
My older kids are old enough to help out and also give me 'lip', which makes me even angrier.<br>
Please hang in there it will get better, I am sorry you feel like this right now. Is your husband able to help out at all in the evenings, or maybe give you a few hours to yourself before going out of town? Sometimes jsut a few minute break can really help.
 

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Happy birthday, dear. I was a Feb mom also, I never see any of us around anymore (cause the babies keep us offline alot I am sure)<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
so sorry to hear that you're exhausted. We had a very bad time at first till about 3 weeks ago and I thought I was postpartum also...but it was always related to lack of sleep and pain (nursing issues, all of them)<br><br>
just remember this too shall pass - I sure know that with nursing probs and no sleep for anyone it's hell and hard to keep that in mind but believe me, I was there myself till a few weeks ago... I shouted at my baby to move his damn hand <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and then the added guilt, it's horrible I know.
 

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i'm sooo sorry. i can certainly relate, and i only have an infant. the sleep depravation is awful, and she won't nap during the day most of the time. when she does nap, i have to hold her or she wakes up. she doesn't get to sleep at night 'til about 10:30 or 11, and then she wakes up off and on from about 1am to 6 am to nurse. we are not that great at nursing while laying down, so we have to get up and go to the living room as to not disturb dp. she nurses constantly, in 3 hour clusters, won't take to a pacci, and will just "comfort" nurse without pulling milk down. if she's satisfied after nursing, and not needing to suck, i have to be holding her or she will cry. she at least likes to be toted around in the sling if we are out shopping, but not while in the house. i can't get anything done during the day (it's been 2 days since i've showered), and like you, i don't have family close by, and dp's family has enough stuff to deal with, so i don't bother asking for help. dp works full time so i can stay home, but some days i feel like i'd rather be working <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: i'm tired all the time, i can't get a damn nap. i do love her though, i would die for this baby. i just keep thinking that this will not last forever, remind myself like you do that i have a wonderful dp, and enjoy what little sleep i do get.<br><br>
i hope your day gets better, it is your birthday after all.<br><br>
happy birthday, mama! you're not alone in the boat you're in <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I totally go crazy (psychotic) when I don't sleep well. It is no joke. Just say, <span style="color:#00FF00;">"it will all get easier!"</span> Your kids will get bigger and it will get easier... they're really little now. Just do what you need to do to take care of you and then worry about the rest, later.<br><br>
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have some cake (even if it is just a twinkie or something)...
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I'm so sorry. I well remember three months postpartum being a nadir for me --I was SO horribly tired and I had no reserves left, and it had been going on so long that I felt it would never get better. I vividly recall lying in bed at 4:30 in the morning, hearing the baby cry again for the third or fourth time that night (she slept a few yards away in a crib, she wouldn't sleep at ALL in our bed) and knowing I had to get up yet again -- and I just lay there sobbing and saying "I can't do it, I can't do it anymore, I feel like I'm going to die." And I didn't have another child to take care of during the day!<br><br>
I swear that by five months it really was a lot better. I know that seems like an eternity away right now, though.
 

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I hear you. For the first 6 months, I didn't feel human. On my last birthday, all I remember about it is that I ate a burrito over the baby's head in the sling! Yes, get some Emergency Cake! Do they make it with valium in it yet? And even help from irritating relatives is sometimes better than none (got my share of those). You can always send them on errands rather than leave them with kids.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>timneh_mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8210591"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DH has to go out of town all week next week and I don't know what the hell I am going to do. They will come take me away in a straightjacket by the end of the week... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">:<br><br>
I was just hoping someone here would care and understand...</div>
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That's horrible! I'm such a wimp, I don't know how I'd make it if DH was gone even one weekend, let alone a week.<br><br>
What did you get/do for your b-day? How about asking dh for dinner and a nap when he gets home?
 

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Been there, done that. I think so many of us can relate to how you are feeling right now. I have moments when I honestly am so unsure how to get through that minute - so stressed, frustrated, hurt, angry. Sometimes it is just too much.<br><br>
You said you don't want suggestions so I'm biting my tongue until it bleeds over here... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
But happy birthday. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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"This too shall pass."<br><br>
Trite, but true.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Just want you to know that I completely empathize (I have even yelled "I hate you!" at DD before, which made me feel just awful!), and I wish I could give you a big hug...<br><br>
Please be kind with yourself.
 

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right there with ya mama. the baby is screaming on my lap becuase it is so damn hot here, i haven't gotten a thing done today and my<br>
ils are supposed to come over on monday and i am so friggen overwhelmed right not. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
do you think you are depressed?
 
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