[all4arl]

Lets just start with the oldest..he is 18 his troubles started at about 13 or 14. He is a really sweet kid, but struggled in school and because he just never seemed to catch up, he turned to skipping hanging out, doing drugs and later had some crimal activity which landed him on house arrest at age 16 ( this was relief because I knew what he was doing all the time). Things starting getting better when his long time girl friend and him broke up and he started his old habbits up again just right before he was do to get off house arrest. To make a long story short..this was the start of the worst 2 years of all our lives. We exchanged words about his grades and I grounded him for the weekend, I went to pick up my youngest son from daycare. When I got home he was gone, I checked with everyone and nobody seemed to know were he might be. Then on Sat. morning I got the call no parent ever wants. Our son was going into brain surgery and we needed to get there ASAP. On the way to hospital 45 min away we learned that they were involved in a car accident and 1 boy was dead. My son lived, but his life of course will never be the same and he battles daily with his head injury and other injuries that he suffered from. We have had him in so many programs and counceling and we have finally decided that now that he is about to turn 19 that we have to step back and let him try to figure this out on his own as he just wants us to leave him alone. But I wish that was the only issue I had, 3 days after my sons accident my 14 year old daughter has a nevervous breakdown...and we all understood why, her brother was on life support and everyones focus was on him, however things did get better for her for a while and then we moved she joined the highschool dance team and got involved with a great group of friends, but durning the summer a boy came into her life which changed everything..they became equally obessed with each other and when she started her Jr. year we saw a lot of changes, her grades were slipping and he focus was all about him, she gave up all her freinds and ended up getting kicked off the drill team this Jan. and then our real troubles started, after that she has started drinking, doing drugs, smoking, skipping school..and more to make matters worse she is dragging her 15 year old sister with her. Now keep in mind I have 2 14 year olds watching all of this taking place and I am so scared for them because this is a hard enough time in their lives.

I have tried counceling, I have tried in patient care, I have gotten the police involved and nothing is working. I feel like my family is falling apart and I just want my babies back. I look at them and it breaks my heart, to such horrible changes. I need help..I just don't know how much more I can take

 

[aniT]

I have no answers but I couldn't read without at least offering

s:

I wonder if there are support groups for parents that you can join and maybe get some help.

 

[BedHead]

I didn't want to be just a view, so I'm sending you some hugs and some hope - I was a troubled teen and I managed to straighten myself out after I left home at 16. I second the support group suggestion too.

 

[Abismommy]

Oh mama! I am so sorry! Now I am only a mama to a 20 mo old, and a 2 mo old. Anyways I was a very out of control teen. I did every drug imaginable, snuck out, had sex, lied, treated my mother horribly. I also was expelled from school and I can only say it got me nowhere. I was very addicted to methamphetamine and went through WDs. I was only 18 years old!!! I wish I could take most of it back

I would hate too see any other teen go through what I did. Or my parents for that matter. My friends are dead, in prison, or have gone nowhere in life. Drugs and getting in trouble only take you ONE of TWO places PRISON or DEATH. You could tell her that. I know it sounds harsh but it is true. Take for instance my younger brother, he was arrested the first time @ 12. He is now 21 and is in prison until 2010 and awaiting charges somewhere else. He will forever have a felony on his record making it hard to succeed in life. I am sure no kid wants that! I am sorry for pouring all this out, I am very passionate about helping younger out of control teens. They just don't know all that's ahead of them in life. If only I would have know how amazing life could be at that age

I hope this post was not offensive in anyway and I hope it helps. I am 24 so I really remember what an ass I was and really regret it.

 

[all4arl]

Thank you so much for this message I think I might actually share this with my girls!! I am going to look into some group classes like the others suggested, I have done parenting classes, but this might be different.

 

[nolonger]

:

I have a troubled 17 year old, an unemployed 20 year old living at home (she's basically a good kid, but she has a lot of anger towards me right now) and a fifteen month old.

Fortunately I have the baby, who happens to be a very easy, mellow kid after two high needs babies who became high needs teenagers or I would never know that I wasn't a horrible mother.

Yes, it really does hurt this much and no, society does not have a safety net or even a safe place for us to grieve. I hope that the group classes help and that more people like Abismommy feel comfortable reaching out to us and valuing us.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your precious babies.

 

[first_shot_photo]

Oh mama

I'm so sorry that you are having these harm times..

I was a "troubled" teen also. I dropped out of high school, drugs, cutting, sex, drinking, and running away from home. I was hospitalized for my behavior, and honestly, it didn't help me one bit.

What DID help me, was when I met my boyfriend (DH now) and taught me to respect myself. Also, becoming involved in healthy activities that helped express myself. Art, Sports, things like that.

I don't have much advice other than that. Good luck to all of you

 

[Thisbirdwillfly]