Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
60 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
You generally hear about what wrong reasons are to have a baby. You also hear about all the reasons NOT to have one. Im curious what you think are the right or good reasons to have a baby.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
674 Posts
I think there are many good/right reasons to have a baby. I shoudl start off by saying I don't think anyone could ever say 1 thing that is THE right reason. I feel there needs to be multiple good reasons. While yes, 1 bad one can do the trick!


My list, per se, is not exhaustive, but perhaps is more the 'right' reasons that we are wanting to have a child at this time... because we love each other, we both have always wanted to have children & enjoy spending time with the ones we know, we are not getting any younger, we have family & friends who love & support us & are child-friendly (I think having a supportive network is extremely important, although I don't think that a lack of it should stop people from having kids), we have discussed some of the major issues that may come up & while we do not necessarily see eye-to-eye, our communication is open! That is all I can think of right now...

Notice, I did not mention finances... we know they will be better in the future (I am doing graduate work right now) but we do not want to having kids, knowing it will probably be tight the first couple of years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,389 Posts
Let me just say that I don't feel like I have to have a good reason to have a baby. I also know that I am probably not the norm compared to how people look at it these days.

With my first (and only) I ttc the month after dh lost his job. Obviously I thought it would take more than one month to get pg, but anyway we were the brokest we had ever been while I was pg. Obviously it wasn't ideal, but sh** happens and life goes on.

I am not really into this "moder" idea of that you have to feel guilty about bringing kids into the world unless you have your finances in order (whatever that means to you), and a whole list of other things that people talk aboiut these days.
I say you do it when you want to and everything will work itself out.
(OK, maybe it's not as black and white as that but still....)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,052 Posts
I like to read through those lists of "bad reasons to have a baby" and mentally check them off "nope, not us" "not me" "not us" "doesn't fit" "
people seriously have kids for that reason??"

Our reason to have kids is just to have kids. Biological imperative or something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
744 Posts
I don't think there are right and wrong reasons to have a baby. In fact, I think a reason might be too much of an expectation. I think having children brings a tremendous amount of joy to people, and so of course people keep doing it. And people like having sex, and for some people that can lead to a baby (whether they want it to or not). It's just what people do. The one thing that I think might be really positive about having a baby, though it is not a reason, is that I think it can make one more compassionate and give him or her a sense of being a part of humanity. It can bring out love in a new way that can spill over into how parents treat all other humans. I think this might be true in my case. But of course I always remind myself that most people have children and the world is not overwhelmingly compassionate--the world is not transformed by parents. I think having babies reminds us of death in a positive way--cycle of life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
I like to read through those lists of "bad reasons to have a baby" and mentally check them off "nope, not us" "not me" "not us" "doesn't fit" "
people seriously have kids for that reason??"

Our reason to have kids is just to have kids. Biological imperative or something.
You know, I really relate to the sentiments of the OP. The decision to have babies always seemed so much more complicated than just deciding to do it.
: I guess DH and I have decided to try now because a) I'm 25 and not getting any younger b) we don't want to take fertility for granted c) I never wanted to be having kids into my 30s and d) it seems like the natural next step. While I agree that it's great to wait until your finances are in order, you can't always do that. It doesn't kill a baby to not have the newest designer Boppy or whatever. Breastfeeding is cheap, you don't need a ton of paraphanalia, you can get by.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,389 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by naturalmom25
While I agree that it's great to wait until your finances are in order, you can't always do that. It doesn't kill a baby to not have the newest designer Boppy or whatever. Breastfeeding is cheap, you don't need a ton of paraphanalia, you can get by.
:
I must say that I am always baffled by these lists of things they claim you have to have to have a baby. They also tell you how much it costs to raise a kid and it's something like $100,000!!!

I must tell you that although we are into living simply and dh had just lost his job right before I got pg the first time....we still maybe spent a couple hundred dollars on baby stuff before dd was born...and we had 8 months to do it.
My mom bought us a changing table from the thrift store for $15. I bought clothes at yard sales and thrift stores for a quarter a piece usually. My mom paid for a diaper service for a year for us and to tell you the truth I can't think of anything else I bought.
Someone gave us a nice high chair that we saved for when she was older.

I guess I had to buy vitamins for myself and we had to pay $100 a month to the midwives for our home birth (which most people don't have to worry about).

I just don't get how money is so damn important these days and you are now irresponsible if you don't have a house and a big income and all this other stuff.

To me having kids is a natural thing and shouldn't be left to the people who can "afford" it (whatever that means)

Sorry, but I could go on and on about this one -- it's a big pet peeve of mine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,052 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by naturalmom25
You know, I really relate to the sentiments of the OP. The decision to have babies always seemed so much more complicated than just deciding to do it.
: I guess DH and I have decided to try now
Oh, you mean reasons to actually start TTC? Yeah. See, we're hoping for 3 kids and we want to space them a few years apart so really we need to have #1 within the next couple of years. Our original plan was to try for after I graduated, but then we realized that could make it harder for me to get a job--nothing like going to job fairs 6 months pregnant--because I'd need to take a few months off before starting work. So instead we're going to try for next summer and have various family members come to stay as nannies while I'm in school. When dh graduates he'll be a SAHD. We're trying for the beginning of the summer to give as much time as possible to start breastfeeding.

And this could all just go poof!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top