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Facing the fact that x will be in my life for at least the next 16 years. I"m trying to live a life giving others respect (even if they don't deserve it) and it is really hard to act respectfully to him.<br>
Dc are both sick. X was supposed to have them for an overnight yesterday. He ended up just taking ds for the day while dd, the only sick child at the time, stayed home. He dropped ds off after his normal bedtime with a cough and runny nose. We reschduled his overnight visit for today with both children. DD started wheezing this morning so I texted him that they would both probably stay with me today. Took dd to the dr and promptly texted x with the results. Don't hear from him. Texted him later that I need to use our joint acct to buy cribs and mattresses. The beds we have here just aren't working. Text him an hour later saying if I don't hear from him soon I'm just buying them. He finally calls at 1 pm, having just woke up. This leads to a heated phone coversation in the target parking lot <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> and me telling him he abused me. Oh bs he says. Then starts in w/ I'm an idiot for leaving/. . . f*** you, I'm envious of his life, name calling, I don't give a s*** what you do, I didn't try. . .<br>
It sets off all these emotions and I don't know how I'm going to deal with this for the next 16 years. I came home angry, told my dad a little what was going on and he encouraged me to not let it get to me. Easier said than done.<br><br><br><br>
Ds woke in the middle of the night last week screaming for his dada. I realized that I will be blamed for all this. That they will think I broke up the family. That x will take no responsiblity for his actions. That dc will blame me and I will not be able to tell the truth.<br><br>
More I wanted to say but sick dc need mama.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That is hard. I'm sorry your DC are sick. But I will wager that at some point in the not very distant future, your stbx will find someone new. And he will pick someone who will let him abuse them. And unfortunately your children will witness some of this. When they are much older they will be able to see more clearly who is who and what. Did you break up the family? Yes. It was for good cause. To have stayed there would be much worse for you and your DC. You are protecting them from the cycle of abuse becoming a pattern ingrained into their lives.<br><br>
I have the same worry. DD's father had went overseas, and while he was gone, I left. He never returned. That was only almost 1 short year ago when I told him it was over between us. My DD is born the same month as your DC. So as you can imagine she won't have really strong memories of her father. I worry about her blaming me, and I know that at some point when she is much older that she will have questions and probably even want to seek him out. I'm going to have to support her when she is old enough to do so. In the mean time, I am doing my best to get myself into a healthy mind. I've had many unhealthy relationships, DD's father was just the one that became really abusive, and so it was my worst, my wake up call. I've been in counseling now for almost a year. And I'm nowhere near ready to stop. You mentioned elsewhere in this board that this is not your first abusive relationship. So you can take this time, the next year or two to get yourself really healthy. So that you will recognize a healthy potential partner from an unhealthy one. That will be part of your counter balance, being able to truly show your DC a healthy adult relationship as opposed to an unhealthy one which most abusers simply continue with another victim. Once you are healthy and being a healthy parenting role model for your children, they will recognize how you are different from their father. It won't always be easy, but I am sure that you will have much more happiness with them from outside this relationship rather than inside it.<br><br>
Have you been over in the Single Parenting forum yet? There is a long thread titled, <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=659455" target="_blank">"What do you wish you had put in your divorce agreement?"</a> There is lots of good information in there and I think some of it would be helpful for you to read as you navigate the pre-divorce and post divorce life.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I really feel for you as I am in the same type of place. Except I will have to deal with my STBX much longer. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> ugh...<br><br>
Like Theia said... the sad scary truth is I know it's only a matter of time until he finds some new victim to yell at and belittle and it will take some of the focus off me...<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> s to you Mama.
 
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