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I have to wean her ...

767 Views 15 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  Tinas3muskateers
My DD is over 2.5 and I just have to wean her for my sanity ... I always thought i would do CLW but she is a toughy ... i cant sit down without her nursing. I cant sleep at night because she is wanting to nurse all night and if i tell her no she throws the biggest tantrums. She has no qualms with pulling my shirt up or down in public and screaming I WANT MOMMY MILK ... it is getting very difficult and causing issues with us ... I cant even begin to tell you how much this is bothering me. It is almost causing us to have a toxic relationship because i feel as if i have no space and if i try to get space i have to listen to her through major fits ... I look at my son (which i never went thru this with) and he just lights up my day ... and i know this is going to sound bad but all this crying fit throwing and such that comes along with me not breastfeeding her ALL THE TIME makes her not as sweet ... kwim .??? anyway i have found the only thing that works is to put bandaids on my breasts then she wont nurse but she shows concern ... and gives them kisses ... anyway ... this is the beginning of the end of our breastfeeding journey ... i just have to do it to make things better between us again ...
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I had a similar situation with my dd when she was 3 1/2. Bfing caused her more anxiety than comfort. She is highly spirited and would not accept limits I was comfortable with. I was also pg and had sore nipples.

I was happy to bf her twice a day (naptime and bedtime). Any more caused me extreme pain. She esp would not accept nighttime limits. None of that "wait til the sun comes up" worked with her.

I weaned her after discussing it with her for a week or so. It was a miracle! One night of whimpering for 2 mins, next night, asked, and when I said no more nursing, went to sleep with a hug and a backrub. She also had never slept through the night b/c of our nighttime nursing issues. She started sleeping all night after wearning.

Good luck.
thanks so much for answering DaryLLL i really appreciate it. I cant be a good mom to her if this is how our nursing relationship is going to be ... Its very sad because this is not how i pictured it to end. You described exactly what i am going thru with her. She has never slept thru the night either ... Its just very hard to deal with right now. thanks again .. melda
, I feel in the same boat.

I want to CLW so badly but it is getting so tough

We have made some prgress but it is still 75% of the time Greg is awake we wants boob, and I know he doesnt want it for hunger reasons 50% of the time.
He doesnt even do it for comfort, it's b/c he is bored

I have played with him, i have hugged hom, Ihave fed him, everything

He still wants it all the time
I cant get anything done
95% of the time i am on here is b/c I am boobing him and he wants this chair
No other chair in the house will do

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You need to do what's right for BOTH of you- not what you think you're supposed to do or what you thought would be right for you when you thought about it a few years ago.
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I think Ruthla said it best....

I will be weaning my 2yo this summer...(He'll be 2 in June)...

You can do it! And it sounds like you'll both feel better for it....


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I was in the sam eboat as you a few months ago. I did wean her. (she was 2 yers and 9 months old)

I now find that I do not cringe when she climbs into my lap. I actually feel closer to her!

It was really easy to wean her too. I was really nervous but it went well.
JesiLynne, there is a difference between weaning a 15 mo and weaning a 2 1/2 or 3 1/2 yo tho.

I'm sure you know that, just pointing it out in general.
mama. it's very hard to go back and forth between living up to your parenting ideals and living in the present and dealing with what is actually happening. i should know. i have been there.
i also had (still have some days) a somewhat toxic breastfeeding relationship with my dd who is 19 months old. i started up a thread called "resentful of breastfeeding" as i was thinking of weaning her. my daughter is very spirited so i know how hard it is to deal with a highly emotional child that is addicted to your breasts.

my decision in the end was not to wean her (and alot of that had to do with age though). i figured she was putting up such a fight because she still needed that comfort. and nursing doesn't have to be all or nothing. i did put some limits. i 90% nightweaned her and refused to fund the every 2 minute nursing habit - instead i agreed to once every hour or hour and a half.
if we had no limits, she would either be weaned or i would be in the nut house. i felt like dd had a relationship with my boobs and not with me, and it caused great resentment towards her.
my suggestion (ONLY if you feel you can handle this) would be to gently night wean her first and leave the day time feeding as normal. sleep can really change everything. you might find that after a solid block of sleep (like 7-8 hours) your dd's constant nursing may not bother you as much. if it doesn't help the situation, then i would gently and totally wean her.
please don't feel bad if you go down the mama led weaning path. i know the ideal is CLW, but you must remind yourself that you've given your little girl two and a half years of nursing comfort and nourishment. that's such an incredible gift. i think you ought to be proud of that accomplishment.
then smile and put that part of your relationship aside, and focus on all the other ways you are a loving parent to your child.

hugs again to you mama. i know i will be here to support you in which ever path you take.
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I have been struggling with this dilemma since ds was 2 1/2. He is very spirited and won't accept limits. It has basically sent my life down the tubes. He is over 4 now and I was going to do CLW but I had enough and locked myself in the bathroom and refused to nurse him last week. (He is not weaned- I just could not handle the non-stop nursing anymore).

It is still a struggle and a fight. I sometimes wish I had weaned him already and not put myself through the last year.

My first child was easy to reason with. Some kids are spirited and it is all or nothing. I think many people have no idea what it is like to nurse a spirited child. My friends had no clue and the usual advice doesn't work.
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She seems like she'd be old enough to set limits with her. Have you tried that?
"Setting limits" only works to a point with highly spirited kids. In our case, our dd is a black and white girl. When she learns something, it is not gradual, it is sudden and complete. This is how she potty learned, and quite young too. She is so intense.

For us, I still kind of considered it child-led weaning, b/c she was "telling me" by her crankiness and tantrums and night-waking and inability to negotiate, that bfing within limits was stressful, not soothing.

So, we turned off the milk switch. It was on, then it was off. She forgot all about it in 3 days and as I said, showed she was ready by sleeping through the night, remaining healthy and attached to me in other ways.

This is how we differentiate between a habit and a need. A need is hard or impossible to break, and causes distress and regression when not met. A habit is broken easily and the child remains secure.

I believe the OP's dd, by her unacceptable behavior, is also saying bfing is causing her stress, not comfort. She sounds ready to move on.
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She went quite a while today without nursing ... i think from like 9 pm lastnight until nap time today which I was ready for her to nurse because i was pretty full feeling ... so ... i will try to keep the night time off limits and slowly the daytime should slow way down ... she does go to montessori m-f from 9-11:30 and on our way home she zonks out ... and that causes her not to nurse much during the week .. well i hope it works out smoothly ... i am ready to move on ... it saddens me being I more than likely not have anymore but i cant hold on to her nursing for that reason when it is not working out so smoothly for us ..
My son is 39 mos. and he is like that, too. It's always "I want mommy milk!!!" He nurses 8-12 times a day. I don't want to wean him but I do want to get him to nurse a bit less. Lately, I've discovered that chewing gum is like a magic replacement for nursing, so he's had a lot of 1/2 pieces of chewing gum over the past couple days... he is just a majorly oral kid, and spirited as all get out.
I think I might reconsider CLW when he hits 4 or 5 because it has been such a battle for the past 3+ years... but if it gets easier by then, I'll stick it out til the end.
DaryLLL said:
"Setting limits" only works to a point with highly spirited kids. In our case, our dd is a black and white girl. When she learns something, it is not gradual, it is sudden and complete. This is how she potty learned, and quite young too. She is so intense.


Thank you so much for posting this! My DD is the same way. Its nice to see that I'm not the only one with such an intense kid. Hugs to everyone!
I feel your pain. My DS was very much like your dd. They were his breast, not mine and no matter what limits I set he still took ownership. He wanted to nurse all the time and on his terms. He was up all night nursing. I really started to regret nursing in the first place at one point. I knew it was best for us to stop this. We weaned him 2 weeks over his second birthday. I cant believe I nursed him 2 years, when I started I said I jsut wanted to get to 6 months lol. I wanted to CLW too but that wasnt in the cards for us. I hope your weaning goes as smoothly and gentley as possible.
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