[DharmaDisciple]

I am trying to word this so I can get across how I am feeling.

I am feeling very down about homeschooling and I need to sort it out. It has nothing to do with my children and their perceptions, it is all to do about me. I have spent years reading up on so many home school philosophies. I admire the totally commited moms who unschool as much as I admire the WTM moms. Both are happy with the way they are home schooling and generally everything seems to be going well for other people.

Is there a wrong way to home school? Are all methods right for each child?

I have a nearly 14 yr old who says she doesn't want to be educated and has no passion for anything remotely school like, no joy for learning. Staying in her own comfort zones. Part of me wonders whether it is because she went to school for 4 yrs and did it do so much damage that she will never get that joy back? Or could she just not be that way inclined?

I am so worried about J who is 5 losing her joy for life and learning that it is getting to the stage where I am afraid to do anything new with her in case it comes across as teaching or in case it squashes her ability to discover things for herself. I have read so much about unschooling, and strewing their path but not doing any teaching. I have read about how doing things with an obvious goal to teach can stop your child from their own intrinsic motivation to learn. And I just don't know how to do it any more. I feel like a horrible mum who doesn't seem to be doing much.

I have things to offer my children. I might think the kitchen science kit looks like we could have some fun with it, or I love reading poetry aloud because it sounds so nice, but if I did these things is it becasue I think my children should do them (well no, but I think they might enjoy it) or is it for me ?

I have heard unschooling looks nothing like academics, but what if they might enjoy pythagoras, how would I know if I didn't offer it? Will they just naturally acquire knowledge of fractions from cooking without me pointing it out? Would it be harmful to point it out?

I don't want their lives filled with tv or computers,which it seems to be at the moment. I do have expectations for my children. I want them to grow up to have joy in their lives, to know they can achieve their dreams, to have whatever career they choose because they enjoy it. I want their lives to be full and interesting. There are so many beautiful things out there to discover.
Do I wait for them to find them or can I hold their hands and lead a little and they lead a little too?

J seems to learn just by breathing, and I want this to continue. I don't want divisions of subjects areas in her life. I don't want learning to just be in school hours, I don't even want school hours. I want it to be natural and not forced. So that this can continue in her adult life with no blocks to learning.

What do I do? How can I find a balance? Will my children let me know if I am off guard?

 

[AngelBee]

I am having alot of concerns about unschooling as well. I have severe ADD and having them lead learning is very difficult for me because it is hard for me to focus on their learning needs at that point.

I am so proud of you for loving your children so much and wanting to do what is best for them. I am sure other mamas with a little more experience will have some great advice to offer.

 

[SagMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mand Is there a wrong way to home school? Are all methods right for each child?

I think there are wrong ways for each child.

Quote:

I have things to offer my children. I might think the kitchen science kit looks like we could have some fun with it, or I love reading poetry aloud because it sounds so nice, but if I did these things is it becasue I think my children should do them (well no, but I think they might enjoy it) or is it for me ?

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with introducing kids to things that you like, or think that they might be interested in. In fact, that's a huge part of our unschooling. But, I think that if the child is NOT interested, then that activity should stop--insisting that they complete something that they're not into makes it about the parents and their expectations.

Quote:

I have heard unschooling looks nothing like academics, but what if they might enjoy pythagoras, how would I know if I didn't offer it? Will they just naturally acquire knowledge of fractions from cooking without me pointing it out? Would it be harmful to point it out?

Unschooling looks different, depending on whose family you're looking at. Some never use workbooks, others like them...some prefer to enroll in classes that interest them, others work independently. The bottom line is that an unschooled child is in charge of their learning--no one tells them what they must learn or when, but if that child wanted to sit down with a math textbook and work through it, so be it. The larger picture is that they're doing whatever activity they're doing, by CHOICE.

Quote:

Do I wait for them to find them or can I hold their hands and lead a little and they lead a little too? J seems to learn just by breathing, and I want this to continue. I don't want divisions of subjects areas in her life. I don't want learning to just be in school hours, I don't even want school hours. I want it to be natural and not forced. So that this can continue in her adult life with no blocks to learning. What do I do? How can I find a balance? Will my children let me know if I am off guard?

I think you follow your heart and listen to your kids. If you love reading poetry aloud, say, "Listen to this...." and read it aloud. If your kids are interested, you'll know and maybe can turn them on to other stuff, or suggest writing some poetry of their own. Or, they might just say, "Awwww MOM! This is BORING!" My kids have no trouble telling me what they like or don't like. I think that's where the balance comes in. You suggest things, bring home things, offer information, whatever--and judge by their response whether to continue or not.

Sitting down with the older one and talking about what she's interested in (even if it isn't "school-like") and take it from there. Has she read any homeschooling books for teens like, The Teenage Liberation Handbook ?

 

[guest^]

You are such a thoughtful Mom!!

My .02 is each child learns differently. So maybe you could order some math books,science books, and then hit the library and get a ton of books on history,art,etc.. and music!

I think that just providing a home where the dc have access to *lots* of books and arts and crafts and music is enough for now. There are lots of cool crafty kits for your older dd in the catalog Hearthsong(website is www.hearthsong.com) (?).

Lots of *fieldtrips* can offer inspiration and wide exposure to the bigger world and history.

My response is pretty simplistic,but I am all for starting simple, and observing how things unfold.

For ex: my dd is a strong auditory learner, we learned by 2nd grade, so I try to give her access to learning via her ears! :LOL

HTH!!

mp

 

[Lillian J]

{{{Hugs, Amanda}}}
I'm somwhat perplexed about your daughter's feelings - 4 years of school out of 14 years isn't much in the way of something that could have caused that much damage. However, I know that age 14 can be a very difficult one - I remember a whole Mothering article about it quite a few years ago!

Meanwhile, as to your other questions, I think that you would be best off to forget about the way other people define unschooling. As Joan said, "I think you follow your heart and listen to your kids. If you love reading poetry aloud, say, "Listen to this...." and read it aloud," etc. You're a full member of the family, and you bring your own enthusiasms to contribute. It's unfortunate, I think, that some have inadvertently made it seem as if unschooling means never teaching or leading. Every member of a family has something to teach or lead in at one point or another - and a parent, with all that life experience, knowledge, and wisdom behind her, has all the more to contribute. If you're feeling doubt, nervousness, or self-consciousness about such things because of others' dogmatic definitions, you're probably not able to be yourself in a full and joyful way when you introduce things. That could make you nutty.

Your kids will miss out on a lot of wonderful things you have to offer if you allow yourself be silenced. Unschooling, to a lot of us, is not at all as strict and inflexible as the comments you've made about it. My unschooling friends and I have always operated within a give and take exchange with our kids. You need to be able to be yourself while letting your kids be themselves - and you can still be in there actively leading in any number of ways.

It sounds to me as if part of what might be going on in your home is a teen beginning to want to individuate and pull inward for a while. My own son happened to be very easy - and i never had a daugher - so I can't offer a lot of insight on that. Wait - I remember when he was 15 or so (he's alwasy been a bit behind in stages) when he began putting his own new music into the car stereo with a bit of an attitude. I would have more eagerly, graciously, accepted his music if he'd presented it as something he wanted to share with me - but he was instead behaving kind of as if it was better than mine (the music we had both enjoyed together). Boy, did he find my button. We moved past that stage, and he doesn't even remember that now. So what I'm getting at is that maybe your daughter is unconsciously trying to establish her autonomy in that way - maybe she's found your button. I wouldn't shrink in the face of it - I'd just stand my ground in being my own joyful learner self and radiating a love of learning that she'll eventually have to just learn to live with

I sure wish you the best - please keep us informed as to how things are going. - Lillian

 

[Lillian J]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mand I have heard unschooling looks nothing like academics, but what if they might enjoy pythagoras, how would I know if I didn't offer it? Will they just naturally acquire knowledge of fractions from cooking without me pointing it out? Would it be harmful to point it out? I don't want their lives filled with tv or computers,which it seems to be at the moment. I do have expectations for my children. I want them to grow up to have joy in their lives, to know they can achieve their dreams, to have whatever career they choose because they enjoy it. I want their lives to be full and interesting. There are so many beautiful things out there to discover. Do I wait for them to find them or can I hold their hands and lead a little and they lead a little too?

I just had to say more - I'm feeling so bad about what you're going through. There's no reason why you should have to feel a hesitation about pointing out fraction facts when baking or whatever - the idea with unschooling is just that you don't want to make it as if it's school where things are pointed out ad nauseum and get in the way of the process. Some of the most prominently known unschoolers around are very active in leading their kids to knowledge about various subjects. Have you read The Unschooling Handbook? It provides a broader range of interpretations than those you've been subjected to. Take a look at Pam Sorooshian's blogs, for instance:

Unschooling - The World is Our Classroom
AND
Joyful Math!

She's a devout unschooler ~and~ she's shared her passion for math with her kids throughout their homeschooling. She would never shrink from bringing math into their lives every day in discussion, activities, etc.

Following your own heart and maintaining mutual respect will continue to make more and more sense of it all as you go along. If TV and video games are eating up the days, maybe you need to set some limits that don't invalidate their interests in those things but open up more hours to also pursue other things. That, of course, requires that you be involved in finding and providing other things - which it sounds as if you're wanting to do anyway. - Lillian