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I should be on the top of the world. Today was my last final of a seventeen credit, all math and science semester, and I know I my GPA for the semester is a 4.0 (this is a huge deal - it is my first semester in full-time school in a decade, also my first science classes in a decade - things have changed A LOT in biology in the past few years!) After my last final, I had to drop something off at my stepdaughter's school (not a new DSD, it has been ~5 years), and she seemed genuinely happy to see me and gave me a hug (she is not the most affectionate child with anyone other than biological parents - so this was a big deal to me). Red letter day. End of a long semester of being gone all of the time, constant stress, etc. Life should be peachy.<br><br>
I am a little depressed. Not for lack of things to do - I take the PCAT (pharmacy school admissions test) in ~5 weeks, so I have plenty of studying to do. DH and I got into an argument over DSD - same old argument, but still, an argument. Things are not perfect with she and I - she just isn't the stepmom kind of kid, I am not the type of person to force things before they are naturally there. DS1 is a naturally friendly, flirty child - if he had a stepmom, he'd be calling her "Mommy" within a week. DSD just isn't like that - she doesn't particularly like people other than her biological parents. Somehow this is my fault, and DH and I fight about it often. It is depressing.<br><br>
Also, two people I know announced pregnancies on FB this evening. Granted, I have a 9 mo and do not need another baby any time soon (I even have an IUD to prove it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">), but this was somehow depressing for me. I am happy for them - I really am. Sent one a PM full of info on natural childbirth, etc (the other one is already on board the crunchy train - so much in fact that I avoid her because I feel like she judges me). Maybe this is a sign that I am not "done." Maybe I am just longing for the happy relationship times of babymaking/early pregnancy. But, for some reason, it made me sad.<br><br>
I cannot call my mom to talk about it because she is an alcoholic and is not speaking to me (for no good reason).<br><br>
This is such a whiny, middlish-classAmerican problem, and I feel ashamed to post about it. Still sucks, though.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I am sorry you are having a bummer of a day. Is there anything you can do to cheer yourself? Maybe do some yoga or go for a walk? Clear your head of all the crappiness and just get some nice, fresh air in your lungs?
 

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What a big relief to have done all that and finished with a 4.0! It's probably hard to let go of the stress right away. I think I'm following what you describe with the baby. This step toward a career might interfere with having another baby and it just seems like you're turning a more serious corner in life. Life changes all the time and you never know what the future will hold. You're doing what's best for right now and that's a good thing.<br><br>
You inspire me. I'm currently hanging in there trying to do well in my science classes and it's so hard! I sometimes wonder what in the world possessed me to go back to school.
 

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You know, I have had days when I was on top of the world, but felt six foot under. I am not sure why, but I chalk it up to hormones (for me).<br><br>
I hope you feel better.<br><br>
Sometimes I just have to let it out to feel better.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I agree with one of the PPs who said it's hard to let go of the stress from school right away. I know I tend to get depressed right after the culmination of a gigantic project or stressful period... yeah, I'll be happy about it later, but it's exhausting getting there, you know? It's a lot of work, and my first reaction once it's over is one of detox, not celebration. So there may be more of that at play than you think.<br><br>
I'm sorry about the other situations, though. Do you have to know right now that you're done/not done having children? I don't know your situation, but I wouldn't worry about that right now unless I had to.<br><br>
Good luck mama, and congratulations on the 4-point!
 

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Thanks, mamas. Things feel better after a little sleep. I think I just needed to vent a little. The end-of-school-detox theory is probably correct. Also, it has been raining all week, and that probably isn't helping my mood. It is supposed to be nice over the weekend, and we have plans to plant our plot at our community garden - I think that will help immensely. Some nice time outside, and it will really feel like summer is around the corner.<br><br>
WRT the baby - I think that it may be a "grass is greener" thing. Last year at this time, I was hugely pregnant and could wait to have the baby. I just wanted to get on with life. Now I am definitely immersed in school/future career stuff, and it makes me think about how much simpler things were a year ago. In reality, I don't want another baby, but biology can be a strong force. Funny thing is - I hate being pregnant! And last week, if there was such thing as a baby pound, I would have dropped off both kids!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I need to just enjoy where I am at and focus on the now a little more.<br><br>
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 
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