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I really can't stand our dog. If I had my way, she'd be gone by now.<br><br>
There. I've said it.<br><br>
We had a dog before her who was wonderful and well trained. And who listened to me. This dog doesn't. She's a Golden Retriever, who's supposed to be a great family dog. Right now, she's like 50 pounds of annoyance to me.<br><br>
We live in a small house with an unfenced yard. We tried putting her outside on a very long lead (b/c our yard is that big) and she dug holes w/in five minutes of being out. No, not holes. Trenches.<br><br>
We have been trying to let her loose in the house, only she ends up whacking the baby in the face with her tail, stealing food from kids, shredding any sort of paper, eating stuff like snowpants, shoes, and anything else she can get a hold off. I've had to replace kids toys b/c of her eating habits. We tried putting a muzzle on her so she could run around the house but not chew on stuff, but she spent the entire time trying to rub the muzzle off, taking the skin off her nose and so I had to go around and clean blood off the carpet from where she rubbed her nose. So we can't do that.<br><br>
When dh's around, she's perfect - for HIM. The moment he leaves the room, she is off her rug and across the room getting into something she shouldn't.<br><br>
Now I know you'll say I need to take a big part in training her. But exactly how many times do I have to drag her back to her spot before she stays? I don't have time for that! I spent an hour one day doing that and nothing else and after an hour of it, she still got off her rug the moment my back was turned. I also have four kids who need my attention.<br><br>
I've also had to replace clothes and socks b/c she'll pull on the kids clothes, ripping holes in them, and she'll bump my 2 1/2 year old just right so she sits down in a corner, then the dog will literally peel the socks off her feet (never harming the child.)<br><br>
Do you KNOW what happens to socks in a dog's system? They come back out. In one digusting form or another. The other week, there was a day when the dog had diarrhea (we found four socks b/c of this) and I had to ignore the sick child b/c I had to clean up the kitchen floor where the dog pooped. UGH!<br><br>
I just don't have time for this dog. I wish we never got her. At the time, we thought we'd be moving to a bigger place, but that didn't happen. We're renting so we can't just put up a fence. We're house hunting again so hopefully we'll have a yard for her soon, so she has a place to run around and burn off all this energy!<br><br>
And no, we're not getting rid of her. I'd be outvoted anyway, but also, I would feel like crap if we did. Despite all the damage and how annoying she is, the kids love her. And dh has no issues with her (maybe b/c she listens to him and doesn't eat his stuff!) I'm also holding out hope that she'll outgrow a lot of this soon...<br><br>
Thanks for the vent!
 

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It's really not a matter of the amount of time you spend dragging the dog back to her spot, I can tell from your post that you and this dog are just both feeding off each other. Frankly from this mindframe, you could drag her back to her spot for 120 straight hours, it wouldn't make a darn bit of difference except that you'd probably be further from your goal than you are now. You need to learn to communicate with the dog on HER level--just like a detailed lecture on the heimlich manouver will not a prevent a 2 yr old from choking, nor will simply dragging her back to hermat make her respect you.<br>
I would suggest first and foremost you and her need to take an obedience class together--preferably a good one, but even a basic petsmart course would help things right now. Second, go get the book "How to be your Dog's Best Friend" by the Monks of New Skete.
 

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even before obedience class, this dog probably needs more exercise. i can completely relate becuase our dogs are the same way- when they are not exercised enough. tyson especially, he is 1 yr old and 70 pounds. i cant have him jumping and running around knocking my dd down. but after 45 minutes of running, he is calm, tired, and mellow and is content to sleep in whatever room we're all hanging out in. how old is your dog? our female godlen retriever didnt really calm down till she was about 3. now at 4 she is still very active but has mellowed out some. if you can get you dh to take her somewhere and play fetch or just jog for a while it will probably help tremendously. HTH!
 

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I just want to offer a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: I know how hard that can be in situations like that. Boy, I could really tell you horror stories (like what happens when a 90 lb German Shepard gets really bad diarreah and won't go outside). At any rate, I hope things are able to be turned around. A local kennel here has one on one classes that we can take (which reminds me that I HAVE to call them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) and they are flexible with the schedules too I hear. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
 

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First of all, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s to you. I totally and completely understand. Even now, I *like* my dog okay, but I will never be a dog person, and I'm dreading dealing with this dog combined with an infant in a few months. I'll suck it up, but I'm not thrilled with the idea.<br><br>
I'm completely with the pp about exercise. Our little dog was about thisclose to being rehomed at one point because I just couldn't deal with her anymore. She chewed, got into stuff (and ate it, and threw up all kinds of wild colors on my pale beige carpet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ), was wild, and basically drove me crazy. We have a big yard, but no fence, so she was going out on a long leash. We finally got a radio fence (like an underground fence) and she is a different dog. Seriously. I still have very minor issues with her, but she *loves* being able to really spend time outside running and playing. She doesn't do "destructive chewing" as much, and she doesn't pester us as much. And honestly, she's happier. You can just tell--she's a happier dog, and that makes her a heck of a lot easier to be around.<br><br>
I understand you don't want your yard destroyed, but it sounds like your house is being destroyed, along with your sanity...maybe the yard is a better choice.<br><br>
Also, we crate trained, which IMO is better than expecting the dog to stay for long periods of time. She liked her crate, and I didn't have to worry about her getting into something that would make her sick. When the baby is mobile, it will be her retreat.<br><br>
We also did 6 weeks of one hour obedience lessons at the SPCA, which helped me learn how to treat her to get the behavior I wanted, but I understand how hard it is to fit that in.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>edamommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I cannot stomach reading your entire post. You shouldn't have a dog.</div>
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That's helpful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>edamommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I cannot stomach reading your entire post. You shouldn't have a dog.</div>
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That's kind of harsh. It's OK to not like your dog. She didn't say she was beating the dog.<br><br>
To the PP: I feel for you. I have been in the position of having a dog I didn't like and it is very hard. We ended up finding him the perfect home and I feel like a 3000 pound weight was lifted off me. I love dogs but this was not the dog for me and that's fine. Nothing wrong with not liking a dog's personality, they are not all created the same.<br><br>
The previous posters have made good suggestions but I really think you should consider rehoming the dog, even if you are outvoted you are (probably) the one dealing with most of the ramifications of her behavior. I'm opposed to outdoor dogs who live on their own and anyway the more time they spend outside the worse their manners are. Do you have a crate? Have you tried a Gentle Leader?<br><br>
What kind of dog is she?
 

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That sounds like a really bad situation to be in. I've never been there--we were very lucky with out dog--but I had a few months where I felt kind of the same way about the cat.<br><br>
I agree with the pp's that you need to work on training and read some good books, but most importantly I think you need to *really work* on LIKING the dog. Your exasperation and annoyance will interfere with and undermine your efforts. I basically had to do that with my cat. He was throwing up everywhere, peeing in front of his litterbox or on my bed instead of *in* the litterbox, eating weird stuff and throwing up everywhere and in general being obnoxious and irritating. I started trying to work on looking for the good parts. He's soft, he doesn't mind petting (now he likes it, then he knew I hated him so he tolerated it), he's funny when plays with milk-jug rings, etc. I just forced myself to notice all the nice little things.<br><br>
Then all the other problems resolved themselves. He still has a sensitive stomach, but eats weird stuff less and throws up less, probably in part because he is less stressed out because he feels more loved and cared for.<br><br>
It's harder with a dog because the problems wil not correct themselves--you'll have to work on slowly correcting the--but I think it is a vital first step.
 

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I have been thinking about your post for a little while. I really think, since your family "out-voted" you on giving up the dog, you should tell them you will need to take time with the dog. This means THEY will have to do without you, while you go to a class (at least once a week) and work with your dog daily. I would at least try this. Even being a dog lover, I understand your frustrations. (We have a 1 1/2 yr. old bulldog baby!!) It is a little opposite here. My husband could do without our pooch... I should have him read your post! "Gracie" just snores, drools and "toots" alot!! hehe
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>patdee</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have been thinking about your post for a little while. I really think, since your family "out-voted" you on giving up the dog, you should tell them you will need to take time with the dog. This means THEY will have to do without you, while you go to a class (at least once a week) and work with your dog daily. I would at least try this. Even being a dog lover, I understand your frustrations. (We have a 1 1/2 yr. old bulldog baby!!) It is a little opposite here. My husband could do without our pooch... I should have him read your post! "Gracie" just snores, drools and "toots" alot!! hehe</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I agree, the family needs to step up to the plate and help out for the time you need to spend working on your relationship with the dog--training time and playing/walking time. It won't work imo to just have them do the "dog stuff" if they're gonna make you live with the dog, they need to make it possible for you do that and be happy.<br><br>
Oh, and btw, cute nick patdee. Dunno if I'm a long-standing enough member to welcome you, but well, welcome!
 

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I don't particularly like my dog either most of the time because he's a PITA. I'm more of a cat person because they don't require constant attention and exercise--they just lay around. I can't get rid of him because he's my son's dog and DS loves him, but I also refuse to take care of him. I make sure that Frankie can go to the bathroom outside and that he has food and water, but that's it and I only do it if no one else is around. If he poops/pees in the floor, someone else has to clean it up. If he tears something up, not my problem. If he needs a bath, DH handles it. I did not want a dog. I do not neglect the dog's basic needs and I'm not mean to him (I let him sit on my lap and pet him), but there's no way I'm doing the dirty work for an animal I don't really like or want.<br><br>
If your family won't take care of their dog and want to dump all the work off on you, I'd look for a new home for the dog whether they like it or not. It's not fair for you or the dog to have to live like that.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sheena</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The previous posters have made good suggestions but I really think you should consider rehoming the dog, even if you are outvoted you are (probably) the one dealing with most of the ramifications of her behavior.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: I totally agree with this. Dh travels for work and is gone for weeks at a time with typically only a weekend here and there home. When we decided to get another dog, he wanted a big dog. I said no way, not happening. Either we get the dog that I choose because I have to deal with it, or we don't get one at all. After some thinking, he agreed. While he never would have chosen a toy breed, he loves her to death!<br><br>
It's not fair to even be in the situation of being out-voted when you are the one who has to deal with everything. Keep us posted on what you decide to do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>edamommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I cannot stomach reading your entire post. You shouldn't have a dog.</div>
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Wow. How completely helpful. If you read the entire post, you would have seen how at the end, I wasn't going to dump the dog at the nearest shelter and be rid of her. Or just put her to sleep b/c she's being annoying. She is a good dog. But at the time of the post, I needed to vent. I had a sick child that needed tending, dh has been working too much so has had no time to help out, and I hadn't been out of the house in three days. I was tired, cranky, fed up with everything and needed to vent.<br><br>
I am really much more of a cat person than dog person. Dh is a total dog person, and usually, I enjoy having a dog around. I think the biggest problem is that I don't have time to walk her by myself and can't take her out with kids tagging along. Dh hasn't had time lately to do it either. We're house hunting and one of the priorities is a nice sized yard and making sure it has a fence asap if it doesn't have one. I can't let her out in our yard b/c A) she digs, and B) no fence - would feel awful if she ran off and got hurt or killed. Oh, and since we rent, we can't let her just ruin the yard - we already have to replace a bush that she ripped apart in an hour (got her lead tangled up in that...another reason why the lead didn't work, she constantly would hog tied herself, poor puppy.)<br><br>
I have listened to those of you who said the dog may be picking up on my attitude towards her and am working on it. It makes sense. And dh has realized the dog's in need of attention too (right after she ate one of his favorite ball caps...and dd's tap shoe...and ds's bike helmet...)<br><br>
We've thought about obediance classes, but the people who recommend certain ones...their dogs are AWFUL! Plus, time factor.<br><br>
We do have a crate, but she's outgrowing it, we need to buy a bigger one.<br><br>
She really is a good dog, just probably bored and therefore annoying. Just like my kids are right now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
But though some of you say that I should have the final vote on things, I really don't think my will should overrule the rest of the family's. Especially when I was the one who okay'ed getting her. I only wish I knew we weren't going to move within the next month like I thought we were going to, b/c if we knew that, we would have postponed getting a new dog. But dh is remembering that he needs to work with her too and taking her outside to relieve built up energy - he thinks she's great, and the kids love her. And she's good with the kids, doesn't nip or anything, hasn't run over the two year old (though inadvertantly whacks her with her tail!)<br><br>
Anyway, I'm working on my attitude towards the dog - I let her lick my leg today - BIG step since I loathe dogs licking me. And I'll keep reminding myself that she really IS a good dog and not some annoying beastie.
 

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Have you by chance considered an invisible fence? You don't have to bury it and that way you could move it easily (you can move it if you bury it too--you just loose the buried wire) Our fence has been in 4 different houses. Also, the actual invisible fence brand can be also installed in the house, to keep her out of specific areas without having gates everywhere (a personal pet peeve) You can even loop off certain areas (like a shrub or garden)<br><br>
When you do have a yard she can be loose in, consider building her a digging pit. You fill an area with play sand (because it doesn't stick to their fur) and bury fun things in there--she gets rewarded for digging in the appropriate area. I personally just use a large plastic pool and fill it with sand, they love their sand box!
 

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Is she a retreiving nut? How about getting one of those tennis ball throwing devices which makes it easier to send the ball further. It's like a long plastic handle with a little space the ball fits in at the end. It sounds like this pup needs to spin off a lot of that hyper energy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thanks for the ideas - I like the digging pit idea! And yes, we do have a tennis ball throwing device - two boys <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Actually, dh does go out with the ball a little, but he needs to do it more.
 

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Phoebz -<br><br>
I second the book recommendation "How to be your Dog's Best Friend." It is a great book. I also second the Invisible Fence idea, we rent and since we couldn't put up a fence - we did that. I recommend you only go with the original "Invisible Fence" company if you do decide to go that route. Like Shannon said the biggest investment is in the stuff you can take with you anyway...laying the wire into the ground is cheap and easy to do anywhere.<br><br>
I hope this all goes well for you. It was brave of you to be honest about your feelings, I think it's great that you are really giving it a go to make this work.<br><br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">When dh's around, she's perfect - for HIM. The moment he leaves the room, she is off her rug and across the room getting into something she shouldn't.</td>
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When a dog is well behaved for one family member, but doesn't listen to others and has problems such as stealing food out of hand, and taking clothing off of a person (socks)-- these are signs that your dog thinks she is above some family members in the pack order. You need to talk to a dog trainer about how to establish a pack order in the house in which all humans are above the dog.<br><br>
Also, working breeds like retrevers get very bored, and that's when they get destructive.
 
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